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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New nursery, unexpectedly high fees and an unreasonable manager

235 replies

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 22:58

I moved my DC to a new nursery after management changed at the previous one and I felt DC wasn’t being adequately challenged. I chose the new nursery because the owner’s child was friends with mine, and I wanted to try their new Montessori program as I’d heard good things about it. DC began in September, and after settling in days and a discussion about fees and policies, I paid a deposit to secure the spot.

Although I’d previously informed the manager DC was eligible for 15 funded hours she only explained that due to the Montessori curriculum they require kids attend a minimum of 20 hours. I was happy to do this as I’d always wanted DC to do more than 15 but the old nursery didn’t allow this for term time only students. We agreed that DC would attend 4 half days a week 8am - 1pm. The manager recommend the morning slot citing a more structured curriculum in the morning and I accepted what I thought was her professional opinion.

After the third settling-in day, the manager informed me I’d be receiving an invoice. Later that day I received an invoice for September fees, due that same day. Surprised, as I hadn’t expected a payment so soon, I planned to clarify this with her the following week. When she later confirmed it was correct, I explained I wasn’t prepared for this payment. She accepted a partial payment, with the balance paid the following week.

Shortly after, my schedule changed, so I asked if DC could switch from the 8am - 1pm slot to the 1 pm - 6 pm slot. The manager told me they only offered 8 am - 1 pm or 8 am - 6 pm slots, which was confusing since I recalled her mentioning both. Still, I agreed to three full days instead of 4 half days to keep my course schedule since my sister agreed to assist with payment and I’d get reimbursement from UC.

One week later, and one week to the due date I received an invoice for three full days, with payment due by Oct 1. Unable to pay in full right away, I made a partial payment and arranged a meeting at the Job Centre for assistance. By Oct 1, the manager emailed me at 4 am about the balance. I explained that I was actively working on it, yet she continued to pressure me for payment, even calling during nursery hours without updating me on DC’s well-being.

After my meeting at the Job Centre she coincidentally called me I explained I’d just left but was busy and would need to get back in contact with her. She ignored what I said and proceeded to threaten to suspend my child although she’d received partial payment for the month and is in receipt of 15 funded hours from the government. Due to this call I performed terribly in my telephone interview.

When I finally arranged the grant, I needed the nursery manager’s signature. She asked unnecessary questions, took a copy of my form without consent, and kept demanding confirmation of payment, despite clear evidence it would go directly to her account. I expressed my dissatisfaction but had to rush back to the Job Centre to ensure the payment would be processed that day to avoid losing DC’s space.

Afterward, I requested a meeting to provide feedback. The manager was defensive, reluctantly admitted to miscommunications but wouldn’t offer any flexibility for future payments, despite the unexpected costs I’d incurred. Additionally, she hadn’t given me a copy of the contract initially, which stated both session options, including 1 pm - 6 pm was on offer. The payment due date was also buried in a long paragraph, which I missed. Please note she didn’t state the afternoon slot was unavailable because the nursery was full either she just changed the policy without communicating it to parents.

Following this experience, I left a review detailing my concerns. Since then, the manager has been passive-aggressive toward both me and my sister, who occasionally picks up DC. My child has also complained about the manager’s child pushing and hitting them, which concerns me as I worry the child isn’t disciplined due to the staff’s connection to the manager.

OP posts:
lasagnelle · 13/11/2024 06:59

Oh my goodness just realised you left a BAD review of the one you're currently sending your kid to!!!!! Bold move op!!!

babyproblems · 13/11/2024 06:59

I don’t see how you could have legally accepted a place at a nursery without knowing:

  • the fees
  • the payment dates fees are due

All would have been in the contract. No child should have been in the nursery’s’ care without both you and a manager having a signed copy of an agreed contract in place. If you have started children at nursery before having a defined and signed contract in place, you are completely mad and absolutely unreasonable.

the bits about her ringing you during nursery hours, you performing badly on the interview, her backchatting your sister - all completely irrelevant. You sound chaotic! She sounds stressed. The nursery sounds unaffordable for you.

GivingUpFinally · 13/11/2024 06:59

lasagnelle · 13/11/2024 06:27

It's very normal to have to pay nursery fees in advance

I came on here to say that. In my experience of 3 different nurseries spanning 6 years, all have required the months fees in advance at the beginning of the month.

This is one is on you, I'm afraid. You should have asked when payment was due.

It's unfair on the nursery to receive late payments. They have bills and staff to pay.

In the future, make sure you ask for a clear payment structure and an example of what the months fees are. If they won't provide that information, don't give them your deposit.

ilikeeggs · 13/11/2024 07:00

All the nursery’s I know you pay for the fees up front which makes sense. It’s not a good start that you couldn’t pay your first invoice and from the managers pov she probably wanted to nip things in the bud to make sure you pay and don’t end up getting in arrears with the nursery.

if you only want term time and this nursery sounds too expensive for you, have you considered a term time only playgroup or school nursery type setting? They are much cheaper.

Coffeetacoscheese · 13/11/2024 07:01

The afternoon session could have been full. I know you’re saying it’s a change of policy but if it was just full then you’d still be stuck with either mornings or full days. You can’t always assume a nursery will be able to accommodate a change in hours.

PuddlesPityParty · 13/11/2024 07:01

Singlemommy2024 · 13/11/2024 00:56

I can’t edit but earlier I wrote the nursery is accredited. I meant to write that it isn’t.

OP, come on. I think you know you’re in the wrong here. Stop changing your story and stop trying to use a thesaurus (I mean “beloved”, come on 🙄). You’re just sounding sillier and more unreasonable by the post.

CatG021024 · 13/11/2024 07:02

I got all the way to the bottom thinking you are annoyed for being chased for not paying your bill and blaming the nursery for it. I then read the most important bit, there are allegations of hitting. Why is this not the most important thing to you? I think you have said this to add weight to you as the victim but if this is true, you needs to remove your child immediately and report safeguarding concerns to OFSTED.

Thefaceofboe · 13/11/2024 07:08

So basically you left a bad review because she was perusing money you owed. I’ve worked in lots of nursery’s and I’ve never known any that don’t take payment upfront for the coming month

IVFmumoftwo · 13/11/2024 07:08

You have to pay the fees and then UC reimburse you.

1AngelicFruitCake · 13/11/2024 07:09

TheHoneyMonster82 · 12/11/2024 23:09

As soon as I read that your child ‘wasn’t being challenged enough’ in nursery I knew you were being unreasonable. . .

Agree!

Butchyrestingface · 13/11/2024 07:10

Agree with everyone else that OP sounds like the nightmare in this situation. However, I imagine after leaving negative reviews, her child will be getting its marching orders soon enough so the situation will resolve itself.

1AngelicFruitCake · 13/11/2024 07:10

If you want more formal learning you need to use a school nursery.
They can't accept half payments, they'll need it in full I don't think she was being unfair asking for that.

Gogodonu · 13/11/2024 07:17

My nursery bills you for the month ahead. So on the 1st December payment is due for childcare to be provided in December.

Zippedydodah · 13/11/2024 07:18

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:51

They sing songs and play games that teach them phonics and writing. Personally I’m happier with that approach than a nursery that doesn’t encourage educational play.

I can appreciate that some nurseries might not incorporate these things and it isn’t a requirement for them to do so but this really isn’t my pressing point. For one, I’ve lost the space at the old nursery so can’t go back even though I’d like to.

I moved my DC to a new nursery after management changed at the previous one and I felt DC wasn’t being adequately challenged
……this really isn’t my pressing point. For one, I’ve lost the space at the old nursery so can’t go back even though I’d like to
Which is it? You didn’t like the first nursery, you gave up your child’s place so you can hardly complain about it.
This nursery isn’t at fault, you are.

BarbadosItsCloserThanYouThink · 13/11/2024 07:19

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:27

Child is 3 going on 4 and they’re not even teaching phonics and writing skills. No feedback on daily activities to promote development and nothing in the plan to prepare them for school. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable to ask, do you?

You have the incorrect expectations of.a nursery. Phonics and writing are taught at school. It’s great if a child can recognise their
own name when they start school but that is all.

nancyclancy123 · 13/11/2024 07:21

TheHoneyMonster82 · 12/11/2024 23:09

As soon as I read that your child ‘wasn’t being challenged enough’ in nursery I knew you were being unreasonable. . .

Me too!!

Soontobe60 · 13/11/2024 07:21

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:27

Child is 3 going on 4 and they’re not even teaching phonics and writing skills. No feedback on daily activities to promote development and nothing in the plan to prepare them for school. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable to ask, do you?

She’s in a nursery, where children are cared for whilst their parents work. It’s not a school where children go to be educated. I’d be a bit meh if my toddler was being fed a diet of phonics and writing skills at 3 years old. I’d want her to play in the water tray, learn to ride a bike, develop fine motor skills by cutting and sticking, play in the role play area with her friends, have snacks, listen to stories.
I would also expect to pay invoices for childcare on time and in full. It sounds like the manager is spending an unreasonable amount of time chasing parents who won’t pay their fees!

FriendlyFriend · 13/11/2024 07:21

This is why i used a childminder. The nursery i viewed talked about money a lot vs care given. They were also inflexible on hours/days. I didnt like it.

McCheck · 13/11/2024 07:24

People are being harsh on you OP. Good luck I hope you find a solution. Sounds like you’re creating a good life for your DC

CrazyGoatLady · 13/11/2024 07:25

You left them a bad review when you owed them money? Yeah, I wouldn't want to deal with you either. Parents like you are why I was always wary of going into private practice as a child and family psych.

You get what you pay for. If you want your child to be "challenged" and do school prep, then you have to pay for a pre school environment that employs properly qualified early years teaching staff to deliver more structured education rather than a play-based, child-led nursery that's more childcare than education. And that costs more money. As you have now found out. It doesn't come on the cheap.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 13/11/2024 07:26

YABU, you need to pay in advance not behind, most nurseries have this policy in place.

Whatsitreallylike · 13/11/2024 07:27

Send her back to her old nursery. Your reasons for leaving were silly. You don’t remove a settled happy child from a childcare setting because they’re not being ‘challenged’. Your DC is now unhappy. Move back

TH1NG1E · 13/11/2024 07:30

The issue here seems to be that you put your child in a nursery place that you couldn't afford. Of course you pay straight away for these things, nursery staff need their wages.

JamesBlonde007 · 13/11/2024 07:31

If I’ve read this correctly;

  1. YOU signed up for morning sessions 8-1, 5 hours x 4 days = 20 hours. 15 government paid, you owe 5.
  2. YOU didn’t read your T&Cs and were then surprised by payment requirement so YOU didn’t pay on time. Nursery accepted a partial payment (which they do not have to do!).
  3. YOUR schedule then changed (which requires 4 weeks notice in the contract)
  4. PM sessions were no longer available so YOU instead chose to do 3 full days. 8-6, 10 hours x 3 days = 30 hours. 15 government paid, you owe 15. I resent the use of the word “forced” in your explanation, nobody forced you to do anything.
  5. By this point another invoice arrived, and it was naturally for higher costs
  6. YOU didn’t have the funds and AGAIN didn’t pay on time
  7. YOU then publicly slandered the nursery in an online review.
  8. You’re now aghast that the manager is acting passive aggressively towards you and are also trying to imply her child lacks discipline.
  9. But, of course, it’s all the nurseries fault!

You really are that nightmare parent!

The lack of self-awareness is astounding here.
If I was the manager I’d be serving you notice and wishing you on your merry way.

ChampagneLassie · 13/11/2024 07:36

You sound like a nightmare and I’m surprised they’ve not asked you to leave. Most nursery require payment in advance, ours take a direct debit on around 25th for the forthcoming month and we had to pay a deposit of around £500 to secure the place. It’s people like you messing them around that probably is why they have to have high deposits. I imagine this nursery manager will introduce such a policy. They’re running on really tight margins, they can’t afford for you not to pay their fees and you’ve probably cost them even more with all your changes.