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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New nursery, unexpectedly high fees and an unreasonable manager

235 replies

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 22:58

I moved my DC to a new nursery after management changed at the previous one and I felt DC wasn’t being adequately challenged. I chose the new nursery because the owner’s child was friends with mine, and I wanted to try their new Montessori program as I’d heard good things about it. DC began in September, and after settling in days and a discussion about fees and policies, I paid a deposit to secure the spot.

Although I’d previously informed the manager DC was eligible for 15 funded hours she only explained that due to the Montessori curriculum they require kids attend a minimum of 20 hours. I was happy to do this as I’d always wanted DC to do more than 15 but the old nursery didn’t allow this for term time only students. We agreed that DC would attend 4 half days a week 8am - 1pm. The manager recommend the morning slot citing a more structured curriculum in the morning and I accepted what I thought was her professional opinion.

After the third settling-in day, the manager informed me I’d be receiving an invoice. Later that day I received an invoice for September fees, due that same day. Surprised, as I hadn’t expected a payment so soon, I planned to clarify this with her the following week. When she later confirmed it was correct, I explained I wasn’t prepared for this payment. She accepted a partial payment, with the balance paid the following week.

Shortly after, my schedule changed, so I asked if DC could switch from the 8am - 1pm slot to the 1 pm - 6 pm slot. The manager told me they only offered 8 am - 1 pm or 8 am - 6 pm slots, which was confusing since I recalled her mentioning both. Still, I agreed to three full days instead of 4 half days to keep my course schedule since my sister agreed to assist with payment and I’d get reimbursement from UC.

One week later, and one week to the due date I received an invoice for three full days, with payment due by Oct 1. Unable to pay in full right away, I made a partial payment and arranged a meeting at the Job Centre for assistance. By Oct 1, the manager emailed me at 4 am about the balance. I explained that I was actively working on it, yet she continued to pressure me for payment, even calling during nursery hours without updating me on DC’s well-being.

After my meeting at the Job Centre she coincidentally called me I explained I’d just left but was busy and would need to get back in contact with her. She ignored what I said and proceeded to threaten to suspend my child although she’d received partial payment for the month and is in receipt of 15 funded hours from the government. Due to this call I performed terribly in my telephone interview.

When I finally arranged the grant, I needed the nursery manager’s signature. She asked unnecessary questions, took a copy of my form without consent, and kept demanding confirmation of payment, despite clear evidence it would go directly to her account. I expressed my dissatisfaction but had to rush back to the Job Centre to ensure the payment would be processed that day to avoid losing DC’s space.

Afterward, I requested a meeting to provide feedback. The manager was defensive, reluctantly admitted to miscommunications but wouldn’t offer any flexibility for future payments, despite the unexpected costs I’d incurred. Additionally, she hadn’t given me a copy of the contract initially, which stated both session options, including 1 pm - 6 pm was on offer. The payment due date was also buried in a long paragraph, which I missed. Please note she didn’t state the afternoon slot was unavailable because the nursery was full either she just changed the policy without communicating it to parents.

Following this experience, I left a review detailing my concerns. Since then, the manager has been passive-aggressive toward both me and my sister, who occasionally picks up DC. My child has also complained about the manager’s child pushing and hitting them, which concerns me as I worry the child isn’t disciplined due to the staff’s connection to the manager.

OP posts:
Superworm24 · 13/11/2024 08:23

@Singlemommy2024 how is this new nursery a montessori setting? It sounds completely the opposite. The montessori pedagogy is focused on learning through real world experience and play. The learning should come quite naturally and depend on your child's interests.

Did you do any research before you made this decision?

Wolfpa · 13/11/2024 08:26

It sounds as if this is a case of your eyes being bigger than your belly.

both sides have now lost confidence in each other you can’t afford what they are offering it’s time to cut your losses and find somewhere else.

redskydarknight · 13/11/2024 08:29

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:41

This is the first nursery that requires payment in advance in my experience.

I hold my hands up for overlooking this in the contract but stand by it could have been made clearer, especially since we had a verbal discussion about the fees and it was never mentioned payment would be required right away.

How many nurseries do you have experience of? If you are chopping and changing every few months, that will have more impact on your DC than not formally learning phonics.

For future reference when your DD starts school you will need to find money in advance for any clubs she goes to and also things like school trips. You might also have to pre-order and pay for uniform long before DD actually needs it. Paying for services after the fact is really not the norm.

m00rfarm · 13/11/2024 08:30

Montessori is always more expensive than standard nurseries (or was many years ago). Everyone knew that. Has it changed?

ZenNudist · 13/11/2024 08:33

TheHoneyMonster82 · 12/11/2024 23:09

As soon as I read that your child ‘wasn’t being challenged enough’ in nursery I knew you were being unreasonable. . .

This

Ocsober · 13/11/2024 08:35

Oh dear @Singlemommy2024 you’ve gotten in a flap about this.

The nursery my children went to had 3 stages - babies, nursery, preschool. In preschool they introduced letter and number recognition and in my mind activities that were way beyond what I expected, e.g., labelling parts of the body, animal lifecycles, period table basics!!! But, they did no formal phonics learning until Reception and wow when they start it’s intense and quick. By Christmas in Reception my children were reading, writing and spelling the basics.

Age 3-4 let your little one play, the rest comes quick and they will thrive when it happens.

Craftymam · 13/11/2024 08:36

For everyone kicking off about the phonics. I have a 2.5 year old and currently touring primaries. We are being explicitly told by many not to try to teach abcs as we once were and that we need to be using the correct phonic sounds that they use otherwise it actually confuses them.

So lots of nurseries are teaching phonics now. Not in a classroom setting but say they are reading an abc book. They will say sssssss for snake rather than Ess. And won’t teach the traditional Ay, Bee, Cee, Dee songs but instead teach Aaah, bu, cuh?

See I don’t know them which is why lots of nurseries are doing this now in partnership with the primaries programme and are giving parents links to audio files so they can also say the same sounds.

Really need to download those files tbh and have a proper look.

Highlandfandango · 13/11/2024 08:44

You wrote a review - presumably negative and online and public - about the nursery while your child was still a new joiner? And then wondered why they were “passive agressive” toward you? Even if it wasn’t public, most people have a series of discussions before moving to writing reviews.

queenMab99 · 13/11/2024 08:47

Saying your child is not being challenged doesn't mean that OP is a pushy mum, if a child is bored in nursery, they often keep themselves busy with 'naughty' behaviour, and I think she is wise to change nurseries. OP is working part time and attending courses to improve her prospects, whilst also doing her best for her child's education and well being. She is getting a lot of undeserved criticism on here, working part time and receiving UC doesn't mean mothers have to give up on their aspirations, and put up with whatever crap is presented to them.

AngelinaFibres · 13/11/2024 08:53

Singlemommy2024 · 13/11/2024 00:02

I’ve never paid for services that haven’t been rendered.

You can’t compare childcare to the grocery store as you receive your items on the spot. If I take my car to get serviced I pay once they’ve completed the work on my vehicle. If I get my hair done I pay at then end of the treatment. If my child has not attended the setting yet I haven’t received the service so would not expect to pay until the end of the month.

Grocery store. Are you American? Are you in the UK.

JustinThyme · 13/11/2024 08:58

If your child is still welcome at the nursery by January, I will be very surprised.

midlifeattheoasis · 13/11/2024 08:58

TheHoneyMonster82 · 12/11/2024 23:09

As soon as I read that your child ‘wasn’t being challenged enough’ in nursery I knew you were being unreasonable. . .

This

Ellie1015 · 13/11/2024 09:05

Of course taking good care of the child is no 1 priority. But price and availability/flexibility to change times should also be considered before moving child. Even if they did offer afternoon session no guarantee there would be space, you should have checked before changing work hours.

And if 4 mornings ie 20 hours was expesnive I would not be switching to 3 days (30 hours).

The nursery will need paid to continue. I dont think it is unreasonable of them to consider suspension.

m00rfarm · 13/11/2024 09:05

When you get your car serviced, unless you pay, you don't get to take it home. So I am guessing that you don't understand that the nursery does not want to keep your child until you feel inclined to pay? When you get your hair done, you don't leave until you pay (the same day). So your analogies are really irrelevant.

AccountantMum · 13/11/2024 09:09

Places in a good nursery can be hard to get - with long waiting lists including waiting lists for moving sessions, or at least that was my experience when I had children in nursery.
They are also expensive and would expect to be paid in advance - im surprised your child started without paying any deposit or fees in advance.

I think you have been lucky to be able to get a short notice place and be able to move the sessions around at short notice but if the fees are not affordable and have suprised you, then you should look for something that works and it’s almost certain the nursery staff think your a nightmare and don’t like you at this point but shouldn’t affect how they treat your child.

Even if you leave now you are likely to have to pay the notice period which is probably next month.

Sawlt · 13/11/2024 09:14

Nursery has to pay salaries and bills. Of course they want the money.

Weirdly, you are super demanding want superior service but don’t want to understand fees, nor pay them.

Take down your review, focus on your child and in living within your means.

Have you thought ahead about how your behavior will impact your child if you need a reference, or report for next school? Don’t poop where you or your child eats.

twomanyfrogsinabox · 13/11/2024 09:15

You got the hours you wanted, then wanted to change them to hours that weren't available and then accepted different hours that you don't like and can't afford. You are not paying on time and want them to accept partial payments until you can sort things out. In the meantime you are posting bad reviews. Not sure I would want your custom.

Saharafordessert · 13/11/2024 09:16

I think the best thing you can do is pay up and find a different setting. You’ve clearly burnt all your bridges here and I can’t say I blame the staff for being passive aggressive especially after you left a bad review (which to give you some credit, takes balls!)
Maybe as previous posters have suggested, look for a pre school setting when you might get what you are looking for for your DC.

Kool4katz · 13/11/2024 09:19

This reply has been deleted

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Alcardo · 13/11/2024 09:20

@AngelinaFibres why's it fucking matter, gets so boring people mithering on about Americanisms. You know what she means so get over it.

OP. yabu for saying your kid wasn't being challenged. They were at nursery learning to be around non-related adults and navigating social skills with other kids, that's plenty of challenge. If you mean you wanted them to be at more of an advantage starting school, say that.

OrwellianTimes · 13/11/2024 09:21

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:41

This is the first nursery that requires payment in advance in my experience.

I hold my hands up for overlooking this in the contract but stand by it could have been made clearer, especially since we had a verbal discussion about the fees and it was never mentioned payment would be required right away.

All the nurseries my kids went to were fees in full up front. Very standard practice.

Trobealone · 13/11/2024 09:22

@Singlemommy2024

I can only think it would it should have been outlined in your terms and conditions when you signed up? Did you sign anything?

About 10 years ago phonics was introduced to 3/4 year olds in a fun/exciting way.

Then there seems to be this weird ethos in many nurseries that phonics is baaaaad.
Yet when they get to reception, they get a phonics test straight away - and the phonics teaching is fast and furious.

Some nurseries do teach phonics, and I’d choose a nursery that does teach phonics.

Sweepsthepillowclean · 13/11/2024 09:23

You gave burnt all your bridges here OP. You won’t last until Christmas. Writing a bad review for a nursery your child still goes to was incredibly arrogant… and stupid.

Mrssmith3 · 13/11/2024 09:24

I think you should have found out more information before signing up. I wouldn’t worry a nursery isn’t challenging my child enough. It’s learning through play. School is for teaching and there is plenty of it for years. It sounds like you have got yourself into a hard place. Personally I’d just find a preschool that offers the sessions you need and is cheaper. A lot do music and movement forest school etc. It sounds awkward where your child is now. Do you really want to send them there? Plus can you afford it?

Paganpentacle · 13/11/2024 09:27

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:27

Child is 3 going on 4 and they’re not even teaching phonics and writing skills. No feedback on daily activities to promote development and nothing in the plan to prepare them for school. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable to ask, do you?

Thats kind of your job as a parent....

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