New nursery, unexpectedly high fees and an unreasonable manager

[Singlemommy2024]

I moved my DC to a new nursery after management changed at the previous one and I felt DC wasn’t being adequately challenged. I chose the new nursery because the owner’s child was friends with mine, and I wanted to try their new Montessori program as I’d heard good things about it. DC began in September, and after settling in days and a discussion about fees and policies, I paid a deposit to secure the spot.

Although I’d previously informed the manager DC was eligible for 15 funded hours she only explained that due to the Montessori curriculum they require kids attend a minimum of 20 hours. I was happy to do this as I’d always wanted DC to do more than 15 but the old nursery didn’t allow this for term time only students. We agreed that DC would attend 4 half days a week 8am - 1pm. The manager recommend the morning slot citing a more structured curriculum in the morning and I accepted what I thought was her professional opinion.

After the third settling-in day, the manager informed me I’d be receiving an invoice. Later that day I received an invoice for September fees, due that same day. Surprised, as I hadn’t expected a payment so soon, I planned to clarify this with her the following week. When she later confirmed it was correct, I explained I wasn’t prepared for this payment. She accepted a partial payment, with the balance paid the following week.

Shortly after, my schedule changed, so I asked if DC could switch from the 8am - 1pm slot to the 1 pm - 6 pm slot. The manager told me they only offered 8 am - 1 pm or 8 am - 6 pm slots, which was confusing since I recalled her mentioning both. Still, I agreed to three full days instead of 4 half days to keep my course schedule since my sister agreed to assist with payment and I’d get reimbursement from UC.

One week later, and one week to the due date I received an invoice for three full days, with payment due by Oct 1. Unable to pay in full right away, I made a partial payment and arranged a meeting at the Job Centre for assistance. By Oct 1, the manager emailed me at 4 am about the balance. I explained that I was actively working on it, yet she continued to pressure me for payment, even calling during nursery hours without updating me on DC’s well-being.

After my meeting at the Job Centre she coincidentally called me I explained I’d just left but was busy and would need to get back in contact with her. She ignored what I said and proceeded to threaten to suspend my child although she’d received partial payment for the month and is in receipt of 15 funded hours from the government. Due to this call I performed terribly in my telephone interview.

When I finally arranged the grant, I needed the nursery manager’s signature. She asked unnecessary questions, took a copy of my form without consent, and kept demanding confirmation of payment, despite clear evidence it would go directly to her account. I expressed my dissatisfaction but had to rush back to the Job Centre to ensure the payment would be processed that day to avoid losing DC’s space.

Afterward, I requested a meeting to provide feedback. The manager was defensive, reluctantly admitted to miscommunications but wouldn’t offer any flexibility for future payments, despite the unexpected costs I’d incurred. Additionally, she hadn’t given me a copy of the contract initially, which stated both session options, including 1 pm - 6 pm was on offer. The payment due date was also buried in a long paragraph, which I missed. Please note she didn’t state the afternoon slot was unavailable because the nursery was full either she just changed the policy without communicating it to parents.

Following this experience, I left a review detailing my concerns. Since then, the manager has been passive-aggressive toward both me and my sister, who occasionally picks up DC. My child has also complained about the manager’s child pushing and hitting them, which concerns me as I worry the child isn’t disciplined due to the staff’s connection to the manager.

The fact you weren't prepared for the first payment is your own fault, it would have been clear that you pay in advance - and written in the contract/paperwork before your child started.

You have insufficient notice to change your slot - they didn't have spaces in the afternoon a lot therefore saying they could only provide all day was correct.

All of your issues with Interviews and the job centre is not the nursery's problem. Your bad performance is down to you, not them.

You signed up for a service that you were not prepared to pay for, and it is down to you to ensure you understand when you need to pay. They should not be chasing you for payment constantly, and you should not be making partial payments several times. They've been extremely accommodating to allow this.

Complaining about them online was silly - it's all down to your misjudgment, and inability to pay for services your child is using.

You are one hundred percent unreasonable in this situation.

The previous nursery was almost certainly teaching phonics and writing skills just not in a way you may recognise. There’s a whole
raft of knowledge and skills that come before recognising and replicating letters and that’s what nursery is for. For reading it’s all about discerning sounds…did they sing songs (not phonic songs), play musical instruments, play games with animal sounds etc etc? There’s also far more to reading than phonics - were books enjoyed and shared every day and did children have free access to self-select books in their play? Regarding writing, was there plenty of gross motor play equipment so that children could strengthen the muscles in their neck, shoulders, upper arms, elbows etc? Was there fine motor play on offer? Activities that encouraged picking things up in different ways, mark making using different materials, hands and tools? If so, they were already doing everything a reception teacher could wish for!
I used to teach reception and one of the biggest barriers to learning was children who hadn’t had enough gross and fine motor play and so didn’t have the physical skills needed for pre-writing, the other was children who’d been made to attempt writing with pencils too early. You can have all the letter recognition in the world but unless you have the sounds skills to blend them together you will struggle
to read using phonics and if your muscles have not developed the strength to feel comfortable holding writing tools you won’t progress in writing. Worse than that, when children are pushed to do it before they’re ready they are put off and it’s really hard to get them enthused again for the long haul. A play-based early years really is the absolute gold standard for children. It’s what they need and how they thrive best.

OP, you're obviously juggling lots priorities at the moment. Work, studies, money, child, singe parenthood.

I sympathise, but I hope you see from these replies that you're expectations have been off kilter and you're approach has been counter-productive.

You seem confrontational and entitled. And I can't believe you've left a negative review. Did you honestly think that was going to be helpful to you and your DC?

The nursery manager is trying to run a business that gives children a great start in life. They want happy children and parents.

I urge you to re-set your expectations and approach before your DC starts school. You've got a lot of years in the education system. It goes a heck of a lot better if you try to work with the school team and any wrap around provider.

Most nurseries require fees in advance rather than in arrears so they can plan staffing and ratios.

Stretched funding is now more usual than term time as more parents are working but it should be based on 38 weeks and easy enough to work out fees for both types.

Nurseries often have funded and non funding hours in the day so you may need to clarify with the nursery which is which. Full days may well have quite a few non funded hours.

We are more flexible with payment dates with parents claiming UC though as we know getting payment from them is in arrears. This is a private arrangement with those parents who have discussed it with us though.

You are aware that even if the nursery offered afternoon sessions, you would not necessarily be able to swap to one as it suited you? So, choosing a nursery on this basis was always a bad idea.

Most people don't chop and change their nursery hours like you've been doing. They go with one pattern all the way through, or they change once with a lot of notice.

Generally fees are paid in advance, so of course they got grumpy when you didn't pay. Also not everywhere has term time only because funny enough staff need to work year round, you are fortunate they were able to accommodate

I find it interesting the OP has doubled down on her complaints about admin and costs in the comments, even said she’s happy with the child care / teaching / and not once reiterated that her child says he is being pushed and hit at nursery, which is surely the HUGE issue here.

It’s almost like that bit was made up to make it sound worse…

I fully expect you'll be given notice at this setting too given that if all your convoluted explanation about how you messed them around terribly with regard to hours etc is very identifiable.

Agreed, my daughters wrap around care is paid up front, as was her childminder before she started school, it's so people can't just leave or not turn up and then try and get out of paying any fees owed.

YABU OP, you've missed payments, left a public poor review and not read your contract properly before you signed it, so whilst the manager sounds like a bit of a nightmare, you haven't exactly been easy to deal with for her either.

It sounds like you left a really good nursery for no good reason really, phonics is taught in reception at school and my daughter absolutely flew having never done any work on phonics before school. I'm not fully up to speed on the Montessori ideology but I thought they would actively discourage learning in any formal way, and was very child led, this nursery sounds like it's the absolute opposite to a Montessori setting.

Yabu. You need to pay for childcare your child uses. These fees need to be paid upfront. I'm shocked the Nursery let you not pay twice. You also mucking them around moving the time you needed. Most nurseries couldn't accommodate that as they fully booked with long waiting lists. Nursery should be play based especially the one you have chosen.

Came here to say this. Surely worse than their apparent inability to communicate/ run a business the fact they’re letting their kid smack yours on a daily basis is the largest cause for concern?!

Also phonics before school is generally a NIGHMARE for schools, they largely teach one of two different schemes in England and match up reading books etc to this scheme. If your child is learning this out of order (from a nursery that sounds like they say “yes I can make the sun rain gold for your child”) then it’s a right pain to unpick in reception if not taught correctly.

I was thinking the same with the overuse of comprehend/comprehension “ I comprehended the contract” 😹

YABU massively. Of course you need to pay nursery fees at the beginning of the period, that bill wasn't a surprise.
And you can't just show up and request for your DC to change slots like that, you make a request (normally with a notice period stated in the t&C's) and they are free to accept or not.

The manager has no confidence you will pay because you've been late twice in 2 months, of course she will contact you to make payment. Partial payment are absolutely not a reasonable alternative, if you can't afford this nursery then pick one who accepts children for the subsidised 15h.

Why on earth would a three year old be taught to write? That’s not developmentally appropriate. Let your child be a child. There’s plenty of time for formal education skills, but only a few precious years where they are supported to develop, both physically and socially, through play. Plenty of time for serious stuff later on. Playing IS learning for a three or four year. Play is learning for kids much older than that too.

100% this

You've had a lot of harsh but fair feedback already in regards to fees. I agree with others that the structured learning doesn't align to what little I know of Montessori but I'm not an expert.

But I think the nail in the coffin here is the bad review you left. What were you hoping to achieve by leaving this when your child is still attending the setting? Whilst unprofessional, I'm not surprised you're getting the cold shoulder.

I think you have no choice now but to find a now setting and ensure you're clear on the session fees before enrolling.

This!

Your child started in September and you were surprised to get an invoice on their 3rd day? When did you think you'd be paying, every service here charges the week or month in advance, did you ask when payment was due.
Just because there was a 1-6pm option available initially doesn't mean that there was going to be a space in it when you decided you wanted it and presumably when they ended it they informed the parents using it, and you were informed when it actually applied to you.
When you changed to full days in September obviously you owed the balance ASAP. I'm assuming the system is different to how your old nursery worked but it's how every place I've been in operates.

Beloved 🤣 honestly.
someone is indeed being obtuse but I don’t think it’s me.

You have gone from 20 hours that may have been financially manageable (with the 15 free’ hours and their 5 ‘top up’ hours where all nurseries earn their money) to 3 full days which would probably now be 30 hours. Do
you really need this much childcare if it’s unaffordable? Are you planning to work full days? With the age of your child you should be getting the 30 hours which is universal now I think?
Ask your local authority children’s DFE team about the hours you are entitled to. It may be more that 15 but you’re just not getting it offered.
The nursery will be slightly worried because it is a nightmare for them as they do have to have their wording in contracts and funding forms correct and have to openly offer a free place only (which they begrudgingly did 8-11, that would suit no one). The only thing you may be able to remove is the lunch fee if attending for just for am sessions and provide a packed lunch. (their top up fee includes art materials, snack, lunch etc).

I would remove the review you wrote in frustration and try and get them on your side if you’re happy with your child staying there. You could smooth things over with a nice letter but how confusing and frustrating the funding information and contract seemed for everyone.

They also do have to prove that they are giving completely free places (to the LA) have these already been taken? They have to offer at least 1 completely free place without top ups.

Depending on where you live, I’m sure you should be getting 30 hours of funding because of your child’s age. Speak to the LA and ask them what other help is there. Hope you get the full-time work if child is in nursery 3 full days (30hrs).
DC is in a school type of environment which will prepare them for foundation year of school. It’s mainly learning through planned play activities at this age, Ofsted monitor that. Look at their rating and info on Ofsted website to understand what and how well they do that there during the day in depth.

well yes obviously but learning how to ask for and use the toilet in a group setting like nursery away from their familiar home environment is a skill honed at nursery! It’s reinforcing skills they learn at home not paying them ‘just to reach your child to dress’. They often are more encouraged to do things for themselves away from home and with their peers.

I think leaving them a bad review online was not a smart move whilst your child is still attending especially as they are a relatively new business. Unless you are planning on removing your DD I would delete this immediately. This really is not in your child’s interests to be seen to be slating the nursery in public

You should have used your comprehension skills.

You sound like a total nightmare and I’d have asked you to leave if it was my nursery.

You sound like the sort of parent many nurseries would prefer not to have.

At the heart of this is probably a little girl who was more than happy not being ‘challenged’ at her familiar old nursery. Now she’s had her parent put her into a new one then sound off at the people caring for her, and not pay them on time. It’s not great.