Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New nursery, unexpectedly high fees and an unreasonable manager

235 replies

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 22:58

I moved my DC to a new nursery after management changed at the previous one and I felt DC wasn’t being adequately challenged. I chose the new nursery because the owner’s child was friends with mine, and I wanted to try their new Montessori program as I’d heard good things about it. DC began in September, and after settling in days and a discussion about fees and policies, I paid a deposit to secure the spot.

Although I’d previously informed the manager DC was eligible for 15 funded hours she only explained that due to the Montessori curriculum they require kids attend a minimum of 20 hours. I was happy to do this as I’d always wanted DC to do more than 15 but the old nursery didn’t allow this for term time only students. We agreed that DC would attend 4 half days a week 8am - 1pm. The manager recommend the morning slot citing a more structured curriculum in the morning and I accepted what I thought was her professional opinion.

After the third settling-in day, the manager informed me I’d be receiving an invoice. Later that day I received an invoice for September fees, due that same day. Surprised, as I hadn’t expected a payment so soon, I planned to clarify this with her the following week. When she later confirmed it was correct, I explained I wasn’t prepared for this payment. She accepted a partial payment, with the balance paid the following week.

Shortly after, my schedule changed, so I asked if DC could switch from the 8am - 1pm slot to the 1 pm - 6 pm slot. The manager told me they only offered 8 am - 1 pm or 8 am - 6 pm slots, which was confusing since I recalled her mentioning both. Still, I agreed to three full days instead of 4 half days to keep my course schedule since my sister agreed to assist with payment and I’d get reimbursement from UC.

One week later, and one week to the due date I received an invoice for three full days, with payment due by Oct 1. Unable to pay in full right away, I made a partial payment and arranged a meeting at the Job Centre for assistance. By Oct 1, the manager emailed me at 4 am about the balance. I explained that I was actively working on it, yet she continued to pressure me for payment, even calling during nursery hours without updating me on DC’s well-being.

After my meeting at the Job Centre she coincidentally called me I explained I’d just left but was busy and would need to get back in contact with her. She ignored what I said and proceeded to threaten to suspend my child although she’d received partial payment for the month and is in receipt of 15 funded hours from the government. Due to this call I performed terribly in my telephone interview.

When I finally arranged the grant, I needed the nursery manager’s signature. She asked unnecessary questions, took a copy of my form without consent, and kept demanding confirmation of payment, despite clear evidence it would go directly to her account. I expressed my dissatisfaction but had to rush back to the Job Centre to ensure the payment would be processed that day to avoid losing DC’s space.

Afterward, I requested a meeting to provide feedback. The manager was defensive, reluctantly admitted to miscommunications but wouldn’t offer any flexibility for future payments, despite the unexpected costs I’d incurred. Additionally, she hadn’t given me a copy of the contract initially, which stated both session options, including 1 pm - 6 pm was on offer. The payment due date was also buried in a long paragraph, which I missed. Please note she didn’t state the afternoon slot was unavailable because the nursery was full either she just changed the policy without communicating it to parents.

Following this experience, I left a review detailing my concerns. Since then, the manager has been passive-aggressive toward both me and my sister, who occasionally picks up DC. My child has also complained about the manager’s child pushing and hitting them, which concerns me as I worry the child isn’t disciplined due to the staff’s connection to the manager.

OP posts:
Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:41

FanofLeaves · 12/11/2024 23:11

Well it’s certainly a challenging environment now, isn’t it? For all the wrong reasons.

OF course they’re going to be giving you the cold shoulder if you’ve actively complained about them on a public platform and still expect your daughter to attend. It sounds like there’s a lot of confusion over payment etc but I think you’ve gone about it terribly. I get it will be stressful if you’re waiting on UC or other payments but I do not know of a single nursery that doesn’t ask for their monthly payments in advance.

This is the first nursery that requires payment in advance in my experience.

I hold my hands up for overlooking this in the contract but stand by it could have been made clearer, especially since we had a verbal discussion about the fees and it was never mentioned payment would be required right away.

OP posts:
weareallcats · 12/11/2024 23:42

Phonics isn’t for nursery. My dc went to Montessori and thrived, but didn’t start phonics till reception. Read up about the system in Finland where learning is play based till age 7, with better outcomes.

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:43

Onthesideofthespiders · 12/11/2024 23:08

When you say you left a review, did you leave this on some public site? You left a negative review of a nursery while your child still attends and you haven’t ever actually paid an invoice on time?

I have paid invoices on time now that I have been able to work out the fees myself without waiting for the invoice to arrive 3 days or so before due date.

OP posts:
FanofLeaves · 12/11/2024 23:45

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:41

This is the first nursery that requires payment in advance in my experience.

I hold my hands up for overlooking this in the contract but stand by it could have been made clearer, especially since we had a verbal discussion about the fees and it was never mentioned payment would be required right away.

I honestly have no idea how you couldn’t foresee that the fees would be in advance, that’s how businesses operate. It’s very very strange that your old nursery did this differently.

NewName24 · 12/11/2024 23:48

I hold my hands up for overlooking this in the contract but stand by it could have been made clearer, especially since we had a verbal discussion about the fees and it was never mentioned payment would be required right away.

"and it was never mentioned payment would be required right away"

I mean, I suspect it wasn't specifically spelled out to you as it is taken as read.
You have used the Nursery place therefore you pay the fees.
I can't understand how you would think otherwise.
Do you go to the supermarket and expect them to let you take the food with a vague promise of letting them have the money at some point in the future ? Confused

DieStrassensindimmernass · 12/11/2024 23:49

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:32

She provided full day and half day rate.

She did not say there was no afternoon session the contract says there is an afternoon session available. I’m forced to pay for 3 full days instead of 4 half days because she stopped offering afternoon sessions, instead she now offers morning session or full day only.

But the actual costs?

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:51

whiteboardking · 12/11/2024 23:39

Nurseries don't and shouldn't be focused on phonics & writing. It's play based and developing fine motor skills. And Montessori even more so?!?!

They sing songs and play games that teach them phonics and writing. Personally I’m happier with that approach than a nursery that doesn’t encourage educational play.

I can appreciate that some nurseries might not incorporate these things and it isn’t a requirement for them to do so but this really isn’t my pressing point. For one, I’ve lost the space at the old nursery so can’t go back even though I’d like to.

OP posts:
SeriouslyWhataMess · 12/11/2024 23:51

Nursery nurse here, with over 20 years in Montessori under my belt. Are they actually accredited? If they are teaching phonics to the whole class, it doesn't sound like they are. Children should only be introduced to the sandpaper letters formally when they are ready and show an interest, then move on to the pink language boxes and moveable alphabet. Class-wide phonics should not happen, because not all children will be ready, or interested. Montessori's whole ethos revolves around "Follow The Child". Learning is very interest based, supported by structured activities, which, under the supervision of skilled Montessori practitioners, will be introduced within the child's zone of proximal development, which will enable them to scaffold the child's learning, building on what they already know and challenging them in an appropriate way. Please don't push your child too hard, too soon. Let them learn at their own pace. Class-wide phonics will happen at school, and even then, there is an opinion amongst early years educators, that even this is too early. Many other countries don't begin reading until a few years later.

On the fee side of things, you should have been aware of the fees before you signed up. Did you read your terms and conditions? It does sound like you have signed up to a service you cannot pay. Private nurseries are very expensive to run, particularly if they are an accredited Montessori nursery with qualified Montessori practitioners., and as such, the fees will be higher than a term time, or local authority pre school.

Bigbiggirlinabigbigworld · 12/11/2024 23:52

"This nursery teaches phonics.

I’m not complaining about paying on time. I’m complaining about unexpected fees please use your comprehension"

Says the OP who couldn't comprehend the contract...

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:52

DieStrassensindimmernass · 12/11/2024 23:49

But the actual costs?

No, she only provided costs for full year students and said she’s unable to do the same for term time only as it varies on a monthly basis.

I foolishly assumed I’d have enough time from invoice to gather funds only to begin receiving invoices some times 3 days before the due date.

OP posts:
Imisschocolate17 · 12/11/2024 23:53

Thai really isn't on the nursery, this is down to you and a mix of assumptions and misunderstandings.

As others have said. He series are advance payment, they shouldn't need to explain that to you but you could also have asked and clarified it.

You made a huge assumption that on changing your schedule the nursery would accommodate that, many will not and cannot assume they will or offer something they have previously, it's entirely up to them - you can't normally just change sessions on your say so, there are lots of factors on the nursery side for it's business that are involved, not just capacity of numbers. For you to have an afternoon slot only she may need to make a staff member lose their morning hours, and she may know that could mean that staff member leaving to work elsewhere and then before you know it they have to cut the number of children.

You do seem to have little understanding of how this works and how much you have messed them around - very much a situation created by yourself unfortunately, so to then have posted a review is staggering, I'm surprised they haven't given you notice to leave to be honest.

Viviennemary · 12/11/2024 23:53

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:27

Child is 3 going on 4 and they’re not even teaching phonics and writing skills. No feedback on daily activities to promote development and nothing in the plan to prepare them for school. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable to ask, do you?

Pay for a private tutor then. I agree you sound like a nightmare to deal with.

Agapornis · 12/11/2024 23:56

A Montessori nursery that does phonics? Maria Montessori would be turning in her grave - she believed it was best around age 5-6. In my experience the quality/reliability of Montessori education in the UK is very inconsistent compared to the European mainland.

Same day payable invoices? No contracts? Changing terms? I'd check their Ofsted rating because their admin sounds shoddy.

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:56

Bigbiggirlinabigbigworld · 12/11/2024 23:52

"This nursery teaches phonics.

I’m not complaining about paying on time. I’m complaining about unexpected fees please use your comprehension"

Says the OP who couldn't comprehend the contract...

Are you here to provide anything constructive or to be antagonistic?

I did comprehend the contract, the issue is key details were not included allowing the manager to change policies whenever she feels.

OP posts:
RechargeableGnu · 12/11/2024 23:57

Where did you leave your review?

Youhaveyourhandsfull · 12/11/2024 23:58

TheHoneyMonster82 · 12/11/2024 23:09

As soon as I read that your child ‘wasn’t being challenged enough’ in nursery I knew you were being unreasonable. . .

Ditto

FanofLeaves · 12/11/2024 23:59

I bet there is wording in the contract to the effect that she CAN change the days/hours the nursery offers though. Especially if you’ve already agreed to a schedule in advance. And then decide you want to change it. I’m afraid they’re well within their rights not to accommodate it.

Singlemommy2024 · 13/11/2024 00:02

NewName24 · 12/11/2024 23:48

I hold my hands up for overlooking this in the contract but stand by it could have been made clearer, especially since we had a verbal discussion about the fees and it was never mentioned payment would be required right away.

"and it was never mentioned payment would be required right away"

I mean, I suspect it wasn't specifically spelled out to you as it is taken as read.
You have used the Nursery place therefore you pay the fees.
I can't understand how you would think otherwise.
Do you go to the supermarket and expect them to let you take the food with a vague promise of letting them have the money at some point in the future ? Confused

I’ve never paid for services that haven’t been rendered.

You can’t compare childcare to the grocery store as you receive your items on the spot. If I take my car to get serviced I pay once they’ve completed the work on my vehicle. If I get my hair done I pay at then end of the treatment. If my child has not attended the setting yet I haven’t received the service so would not expect to pay until the end of the month.

OP posts:
FanofLeaves · 13/11/2024 00:03

Singlemommy2024 · 13/11/2024 00:02

I’ve never paid for services that haven’t been rendered.

You can’t compare childcare to the grocery store as you receive your items on the spot. If I take my car to get serviced I pay once they’ve completed the work on my vehicle. If I get my hair done I pay at then end of the treatment. If my child has not attended the setting yet I haven’t received the service so would not expect to pay until the end of the month.

And what about your rent, or mortgage? Did you get to live in the property for a month before you had to pay any money?

SeriouslyWhataMess · 13/11/2024 00:04

Agapornis · 12/11/2024 23:56

A Montessori nursery that does phonics? Maria Montessori would be turning in her grave - she believed it was best around age 5-6. In my experience the quality/reliability of Montessori education in the UK is very inconsistent compared to the European mainland.

Same day payable invoices? No contracts? Changing terms? I'd check their Ofsted rating because their admin sounds shoddy.

She absolutely would. Unfortunately in the uk, any nursery can call themselves without accreditation, or MSA membership, I believe. Many seem to just buy a few wooden toys and think that that's enough. An actual Montessori education requires highly skilled Montessori practitioners, who have undergone full and comprehensive training on how to present, deliver and observe her activities, correct preparation of the environment and training in the skill of observing and understanding the correct moment to join a child in their learning. We should be present, but almost invisible in the room.

Singlemommy2024 · 13/11/2024 00:11

SeriouslyWhataMess · 12/11/2024 23:51

Nursery nurse here, with over 20 years in Montessori under my belt. Are they actually accredited? If they are teaching phonics to the whole class, it doesn't sound like they are. Children should only be introduced to the sandpaper letters formally when they are ready and show an interest, then move on to the pink language boxes and moveable alphabet. Class-wide phonics should not happen, because not all children will be ready, or interested. Montessori's whole ethos revolves around "Follow The Child". Learning is very interest based, supported by structured activities, which, under the supervision of skilled Montessori practitioners, will be introduced within the child's zone of proximal development, which will enable them to scaffold the child's learning, building on what they already know and challenging them in an appropriate way. Please don't push your child too hard, too soon. Let them learn at their own pace. Class-wide phonics will happen at school, and even then, there is an opinion amongst early years educators, that even this is too early. Many other countries don't begin reading until a few years later.

On the fee side of things, you should have been aware of the fees before you signed up. Did you read your terms and conditions? It does sound like you have signed up to a service you cannot pay. Private nurseries are very expensive to run, particularly if they are an accredited Montessori nursery with qualified Montessori practitioners., and as such, the fees will be higher than a term time, or local authority pre school.

Thanks for this, it was really helpful.

The nursery is accredited. It isn’t nursery wide but i do know my child loves letters and numbers so wasn’t shocked by phonics. Some children are much younger so I am under the impression they have different interests and abilities.

The terms and conditions don’t include all of these policies I later found out. For example there’s no clear outline of late fees and suspension for late payments. It does say there’s a 4 week period to remove the child or change the child’s hours. I was aware of this and happy to wait. My main issue is that the contract states there are 2 sessions available and in actuality there isn’t. Had I known this I probably wouldn’t have switched him because I need the flexibility with my commitments.

OP posts:
Singlemommy2024 · 13/11/2024 00:13

FanofLeaves · 13/11/2024 00:03

And what about your rent, or mortgage? Did you get to live in the property for a month before you had to pay any money?

Don’t be obtuse. Have a good day beloved.

OP posts:
Singlemommy2024 · 13/11/2024 00:17

Agapornis · 12/11/2024 23:56

A Montessori nursery that does phonics? Maria Montessori would be turning in her grave - she believed it was best around age 5-6. In my experience the quality/reliability of Montessori education in the UK is very inconsistent compared to the European mainland.

Same day payable invoices? No contracts? Changing terms? I'd check their Ofsted rating because their admin sounds shoddy.

They haven’t been rated yet as it’s a fairly new setting.

I do think the admin is making it up as she goes along as there isn’t a real admin team. The manager does it all and might be overwhelmed. I completely understand how difficult that could be for her but I’m still so frustrated that due to all the miscommunication I’ve found myself in this position and there’s no understanding on her end even after she admitted this.

OP posts:
MumblesParty · 13/11/2024 00:18

It sounds like you’ve moved your very young daughter to a fancy expensive nursery that you can’t afford, because you want her to be hot-housed before starting school. This is completely unnecessary because she’ll be going over all the basic phonics again in school anyway.

And besides, it really makes no difference. The best thing you can do if you want your child to be educated is spend time with her yourself, reading to her, talking to her, showing her things. She’ll learn far more from you than nursery, and it seems mad to put her in for long hours if you only work part time.

DS1 started school not recognising any letters of the alphabet, and he also started a term later than everyone else because I deferred his entry. Within 2 years he was reading the top level books and getting full marks in spellings. He’s at a Russell Group uni now. There really is no proven benefit in pushing them early.

Singlemommy2024 · 13/11/2024 00:26

MumblesParty · 13/11/2024 00:18

It sounds like you’ve moved your very young daughter to a fancy expensive nursery that you can’t afford, because you want her to be hot-housed before starting school. This is completely unnecessary because she’ll be going over all the basic phonics again in school anyway.

And besides, it really makes no difference. The best thing you can do if you want your child to be educated is spend time with her yourself, reading to her, talking to her, showing her things. She’ll learn far more from you than nursery, and it seems mad to put her in for long hours if you only work part time.

DS1 started school not recognising any letters of the alphabet, and he also started a term later than everyone else because I deferred his entry. Within 2 years he was reading the top level books and getting full marks in spellings. He’s at a Russell Group uni now. There really is no proven benefit in pushing them early.

I’m not sure what “hot-housed” means but I did move my child to what I thought was a better nursery for many reasons including what seemed like would prepare my child for school. I can’t fault the educational aspect but the management is where I have a problem.

I wouldn’t put my child in 3 full days if I could do half day afternoons but I’m taking a course that requires me to attend classes in the afternoon as well as part time work. I would stick to the half days is the manager didn’t unexpectedly stop offering the service.

Congrats on your child’s achievements!

OP posts: