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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New nursery, unexpectedly high fees and an unreasonable manager

235 replies

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 22:58

I moved my DC to a new nursery after management changed at the previous one and I felt DC wasn’t being adequately challenged. I chose the new nursery because the owner’s child was friends with mine, and I wanted to try their new Montessori program as I’d heard good things about it. DC began in September, and after settling in days and a discussion about fees and policies, I paid a deposit to secure the spot.

Although I’d previously informed the manager DC was eligible for 15 funded hours she only explained that due to the Montessori curriculum they require kids attend a minimum of 20 hours. I was happy to do this as I’d always wanted DC to do more than 15 but the old nursery didn’t allow this for term time only students. We agreed that DC would attend 4 half days a week 8am - 1pm. The manager recommend the morning slot citing a more structured curriculum in the morning and I accepted what I thought was her professional opinion.

After the third settling-in day, the manager informed me I’d be receiving an invoice. Later that day I received an invoice for September fees, due that same day. Surprised, as I hadn’t expected a payment so soon, I planned to clarify this with her the following week. When she later confirmed it was correct, I explained I wasn’t prepared for this payment. She accepted a partial payment, with the balance paid the following week.

Shortly after, my schedule changed, so I asked if DC could switch from the 8am - 1pm slot to the 1 pm - 6 pm slot. The manager told me they only offered 8 am - 1 pm or 8 am - 6 pm slots, which was confusing since I recalled her mentioning both. Still, I agreed to three full days instead of 4 half days to keep my course schedule since my sister agreed to assist with payment and I’d get reimbursement from UC.

One week later, and one week to the due date I received an invoice for three full days, with payment due by Oct 1. Unable to pay in full right away, I made a partial payment and arranged a meeting at the Job Centre for assistance. By Oct 1, the manager emailed me at 4 am about the balance. I explained that I was actively working on it, yet she continued to pressure me for payment, even calling during nursery hours without updating me on DC’s well-being.

After my meeting at the Job Centre she coincidentally called me I explained I’d just left but was busy and would need to get back in contact with her. She ignored what I said and proceeded to threaten to suspend my child although she’d received partial payment for the month and is in receipt of 15 funded hours from the government. Due to this call I performed terribly in my telephone interview.

When I finally arranged the grant, I needed the nursery manager’s signature. She asked unnecessary questions, took a copy of my form without consent, and kept demanding confirmation of payment, despite clear evidence it would go directly to her account. I expressed my dissatisfaction but had to rush back to the Job Centre to ensure the payment would be processed that day to avoid losing DC’s space.

Afterward, I requested a meeting to provide feedback. The manager was defensive, reluctantly admitted to miscommunications but wouldn’t offer any flexibility for future payments, despite the unexpected costs I’d incurred. Additionally, she hadn’t given me a copy of the contract initially, which stated both session options, including 1 pm - 6 pm was on offer. The payment due date was also buried in a long paragraph, which I missed. Please note she didn’t state the afternoon slot was unavailable because the nursery was full either she just changed the policy without communicating it to parents.

Following this experience, I left a review detailing my concerns. Since then, the manager has been passive-aggressive toward both me and my sister, who occasionally picks up DC. My child has also complained about the manager’s child pushing and hitting them, which concerns me as I worry the child isn’t disciplined due to the staff’s connection to the manager.

OP posts:
Bournetilly · 13/11/2024 04:27

Of course you need to pay the fees upfront, I’m sure it’s like this at any nursery. If you couldn’t afford it straight away you should of discussed this prior to her starting.

She doesn’t need to learn phonics in nursery, they will start from the beginning and go over everything again at school anyway as most children won’t have learnt it.

Just find her a nursery where she’s happy.

Moulook31 · 13/11/2024 04:28

Phonics and writing skills in nursery. Mine learnt to play and socialise.

LoudSnoringDog · 13/11/2024 04:57

TheHoneyMonster82 · 12/11/2024 23:09

As soon as I read that your child ‘wasn’t being challenged enough’ in nursery I knew you were being unreasonable. . .

Same.

freddyfluffball · 13/11/2024 05:08

Private nurseries don't tend to teach phonics or writing in my experience. They are there for childcare really. I think you need some sort of prep school.

WhatILoved · 13/11/2024 05:26

Childminder here. I don't know any nursery or childcare provider that would dream of operating in arrears. We already have to accept funding in arrears (in my borough) which is bad enough. It might have happened in the past but unfortunately some parents can't be trusted to pay. Taking payment in advance means we can turn children away if you've not paid instead of working a full month and not get paid. I have a set of parents who consistently pay late and it drives me crazy. I can't pay my bills late and neither can a nursery.

I do teach phonics to preschoolers that are interested and ready and if they enjoy it. So did the private nursery my own children attended years ago. I think most providers work with a few philosophies including Montessori.

3luckystars · 13/11/2024 06:03

I’d say she just wants rid of you. What are you going to do ? Is there another nursery you could use nearby? I’d be looking around now. Good luck.

TimeForATerf · 13/11/2024 06:04

SunriseMonsters · 13/11/2024 02:05

This is the first nursery that requires payment in advance in my experience.

I have never heard of a nursery that doesn't bill monthly in advance.

You have just joined and you didn't pay the first invoice despite being chased, then asked to change the agreed hours which they accommodated, then you complained about the manager and didn't pay the second invoice on time either, then you followed this up writing a negative review about the nursery online and now you're surprised they're not being overly friendly to you?

I agree.

Bloody hell I paid my nursery fees in advance 30 years ago!

OrcBytes · 13/11/2024 06:10

Just adding my agreement that this is absolutely not a Montessori nursery.

What is it that makes you think learning phonics and writing at this age is a good thing? What are you basing this idea off?

ThatCosyKoala · 13/11/2024 06:11

I can see from your post the nursery’s manager has really tried to work around you but you also don’t seem to realise they have to be paid and if everyone is late to pay them how would they pay their staff? I’m not sure if you asked for the fees before hand because this is something you should do as nursery fees can vary quite a lot. UC childcare element is paid in arrears so you have to have the money before hand. I can see you are having a really hard time at the moment but you also have to understand their point of view that they are running a business and they have to be paid on time.

Appleblum · 13/11/2024 06:12

There's absolutely nothing wrong with seeking out a better nursery for your child. I would be irritated at the nursery manager too as she doesn't seem very organised and then when she suddenly produces an invoice you're expected to pay up immediately. However you also seem to have made many assumptions on your end which have not helped, and it really wasn't the best decision to leave a bad review when your child is still in their care! You may have been absolutely honest and truthful but these people are taking care of your child, are you sure you want to be on bad terms with them if you could help it?

Whatanidiot123 · 13/11/2024 06:18

I agree with the majority here. You signed up, didn’t pay, changed your hours and requirements and then blamed all the issues on them. It sounds as though the manager is trying to offer you what you want which is essentially your child attending for ‘free’ which isn’t really how the free hours work. The funding doesn’t cover food etc. and there is almost always an element of additional payment if it is a private nursery setting.

Nothing that you’ve described about this nursery sounds out of the ordinary and actually they seem more flexible than most - our (outstanding) nursery doesn’t offer term time only and a minimum number of hours/days are required. Payment in advance has always been the case in the 6 years I’ve had children at nursery.

As for being concerned about a three year old being adequately challenged….yabu and then some.

TheLurpackYears · 13/11/2024 06:18

I'm probably the only one who doesn't take exception with the old nurses other challenging OP's child enough. My 1st dc went to several different settings before starting reception and there was a massive difference between one childminder who said she would "learn her her letters and numbers if we want?" , a place that barely managed crowd control and 2 that had well trained staff offering focused activities for children closely following the EYFS curriculum and teaching the children at a rapid enough pace as they needed.

Zanatdy · 13/11/2024 06:25

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:27

Child is 3 going on 4 and they’re not even teaching phonics and writing skills. No feedback on daily activities to promote development and nothing in the plan to prepare them for school. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable to ask, do you?

When my children left their private day nursery they could write their name and that was it. Behind on phonics compared to other children who attended a school nursery. Both are high achievers, top grades at GCSE and applying for Oxbridge. At that age just let them enjoy playing with friends, there’s plenty of time for education. She is 3yrs old. In many countries children don’t start school until 6 or 7. A nursery where they are happy and settled is key. Oh and one you can afford.

lasagnelle · 13/11/2024 06:27

It's very normal to have to pay nursery fees in advance

Bubblebuttress · 13/11/2024 06:28

Our nursery had am an pm sessions, but the pm sessions had a waitlist and we could not easily switch. The nursery had to have staffing provisions, law is very strict on the. So the nursery will have all day places ( quota) am places snn places. It can be a juggle for them. At one point a pm open ended up and then three months later three pms. But you can’t expect them to change with a date notice. Fees are fees and it sounds like you can’t afford Montessori. Welcome to the world where being a working mum sucks.

PinkyFlamingo · 13/11/2024 06:29

I can't believe you took a 3 year old out of a nursery they were settled in because they "weren't being challenged enough". Madness.

Flux1 · 13/11/2024 06:32

Well I reckon phonics are the least of your child's problems now.

Orquid · 13/11/2024 06:33

Very long and confusing post

You don’t have the money to pay nursery fees and you are worried your child isn’t challenged enough ?

I think you should focus your energy in getting a job and send your child to a state nursery where he gets the funded government hours; as long as he is treated well.

Dontwearmysocks · 13/11/2024 06:38

So you changed the terms of the contract when you changed the agreed hours, didn’t read any of the paperwork correctly or you’d have known the payment deadlines, and therefore didn’t pay on time.

And it’s the nursery managers fault? Righto.

Suzuki76 · 13/11/2024 06:45

I don't understand. You wanted term time only (I assume) so you must have known the hourly rate plus the days your DC will be in due to knowing when the holidays are. You can work out what the monthly invoice will be in seconds. We used to get 22 hours a week and then I'd just mentally add on the extra 10 or so hours.

Latenightreader · 13/11/2024 06:46

At three going on four I would really recommend a nursery attached to a primary school. You usually have to do five days, either half or full. I had 30 funded hours so mine attended full time, but quite a few just did 15, and at mine the morning was more popular. They do a lot of school preparation (or did at mine) and there were no additional fees apart from school dinners (we mostly did packed lunches). We also did a lot of reading at home because my daughter enjoyed it and asked questions about letters and sound blends.

However, if you worry your child isn’t being challenged at nursery, wait until reception… Although they learn phonics and numbers it is a lot about making sure the knowledge is secure and plenty of play based learning, as well as learning how to be at school. I had to adjust my expectations quite a bit!

ClytemnestraWasMisunderstood · 13/11/2024 06:47

FanofLeaves · 12/11/2024 23:36

They don’t teach phonics or writing skills at nursery beyond letter learning and mark making. The ready for school skills are toileting, eating independently, following instructions and coats on and off/putting own shoes on. You need a pre school attached to a school if you want formal learning.

Edited

Parents should be doing that stuff. Why pay someone just to teach your child to dress. They should be toilet trained at home too

ThatCosyKoala · 13/11/2024 06:50

TheLurpackYears · 13/11/2024 06:18

I'm probably the only one who doesn't take exception with the old nurses other challenging OP's child enough. My 1st dc went to several different settings before starting reception and there was a massive difference between one childminder who said she would "learn her her letters and numbers if we want?" , a place that barely managed crowd control and 2 that had well trained staff offering focused activities for children closely following the EYFS curriculum and teaching the children at a rapid enough pace as they needed.

Phonics are taught in reception, what is the rush to teach them in nursery? Do you think a 3 year old wants to learn phonics? Nursery is for playing and socialising they do learn some but not to that extent.

lasagnelle · 13/11/2024 06:54

ClytemnestraWasMisunderstood · 13/11/2024 06:47

Parents should be doing that stuff. Why pay someone just to teach your child to dress. They should be toilet trained at home too

That's fine if your kid picks it up in a weekend but if they need longer then nursery will have to help

coffeesaveslives · 13/11/2024 06:56

You sound like a right pain in the arse.