New nursery, unexpectedly high fees and an unreasonable manager

[Singlemommy2024]

I moved my DC to a new nursery after management changed at the previous one and I felt DC wasn’t being adequately challenged. I chose the new nursery because the owner’s child was friends with mine, and I wanted to try their new Montessori program as I’d heard good things about it. DC began in September, and after settling in days and a discussion about fees and policies, I paid a deposit to secure the spot.

Although I’d previously informed the manager DC was eligible for 15 funded hours she only explained that due to the Montessori curriculum they require kids attend a minimum of 20 hours. I was happy to do this as I’d always wanted DC to do more than 15 but the old nursery didn’t allow this for term time only students. We agreed that DC would attend 4 half days a week 8am - 1pm. The manager recommend the morning slot citing a more structured curriculum in the morning and I accepted what I thought was her professional opinion.

After the third settling-in day, the manager informed me I’d be receiving an invoice. Later that day I received an invoice for September fees, due that same day. Surprised, as I hadn’t expected a payment so soon, I planned to clarify this with her the following week. When she later confirmed it was correct, I explained I wasn’t prepared for this payment. She accepted a partial payment, with the balance paid the following week.

Shortly after, my schedule changed, so I asked if DC could switch from the 8am - 1pm slot to the 1 pm - 6 pm slot. The manager told me they only offered 8 am - 1 pm or 8 am - 6 pm slots, which was confusing since I recalled her mentioning both. Still, I agreed to three full days instead of 4 half days to keep my course schedule since my sister agreed to assist with payment and I’d get reimbursement from UC.

One week later, and one week to the due date I received an invoice for three full days, with payment due by Oct 1. Unable to pay in full right away, I made a partial payment and arranged a meeting at the Job Centre for assistance. By Oct 1, the manager emailed me at 4 am about the balance. I explained that I was actively working on it, yet she continued to pressure me for payment, even calling during nursery hours without updating me on DC’s well-being.

After my meeting at the Job Centre she coincidentally called me I explained I’d just left but was busy and would need to get back in contact with her. She ignored what I said and proceeded to threaten to suspend my child although she’d received partial payment for the month and is in receipt of 15 funded hours from the government. Due to this call I performed terribly in my telephone interview.

When I finally arranged the grant, I needed the nursery manager’s signature. She asked unnecessary questions, took a copy of my form without consent, and kept demanding confirmation of payment, despite clear evidence it would go directly to her account. I expressed my dissatisfaction but had to rush back to the Job Centre to ensure the payment would be processed that day to avoid losing DC’s space.

Afterward, I requested a meeting to provide feedback. The manager was defensive, reluctantly admitted to miscommunications but wouldn’t offer any flexibility for future payments, despite the unexpected costs I’d incurred. Additionally, she hadn’t given me a copy of the contract initially, which stated both session options, including 1 pm - 6 pm was on offer. The payment due date was also buried in a long paragraph, which I missed. Please note she didn’t state the afternoon slot was unavailable because the nursery was full either she just changed the policy without communicating it to parents.

Following this experience, I left a review detailing my concerns. Since then, the manager has been passive-aggressive toward both me and my sister, who occasionally picks up DC. My child has also complained about the manager’s child pushing and hitting them, which concerns me as I worry the child isn’t disciplined due to the staff’s connection to the manager.

I’ve never heard of paying nursery or school once service is rendered. I’ve always had to pay in advance.
I agree at 3 - 4 yrs typically phonics and numbers are thought.

Actually there isn’t. I’ve thoroughly re-read it since all of the above occurred. You seem angry though, why? I’m the one that’s facing the issue not you.

Our nursery teaches phonics.

This sounds like an issue with the free funded hours. Ours are also on offer only 8-11.

So by doing afternoons or full days you don’t get the same allocation as mornings only,

It’s terribly confusing and terribly expensive. This sounds like a miscommunication. Not sure where you should go from here OP but you need to make peace somehow.

Tbh I'm surprised that they managed to get through the RAMP (accreditation) process so soon and with the policies and teaching practices you describe. It is a notoriously difficult and fairly long process, with incredibly high standards. Please be aware that using the name Montessori is not protected in the UK. Any nursery can use it. I would be double checking their accreditation and memberships if you want a true Montessori education for your child.

Yes. It’s very unreasonable. Your poor DC, just let them be a child. You sound like a nightmare I’m afraid OP.

Sorry but it’s completely unreasonable, your child is 3 making mud pies, rolling play dough and painting water on concrete are entirely developmentally appropriate activities preparing them for school. Google is your friend! He or she is going to have years of rote learning for key stage whatever they don’t need to start now.
If you are relying on someone else to pay your nursery fees (the taxpayer) you absolutely should establish hours, fees, payment dates and so on before signing up.
They’ve changed the session times only you know whether they did or didn’t offer afternoons only before you signed up but you are where you are now, do you want to stay at the nursery or do you think the relationship has broken down so much that you need to move?

I can’t edit but earlier I wrote the nursery is accredited. I meant to write that it isn’t.

Wow.

You wanted to change the session with insufficient notice?

You don't have enough the funds for the fees?

You want your toddler to be 'challenged'?

You've left a bad review on-line, therefore pissing off the people caring for your child?

This.
Your child will never get this carefree happy play time again.

I would prefer that my child extend their hours of unstructured, inquisitive discovery than learning phonics and numbers.

Socialisation and the joy and curiosity of learning about the world is much more valuable in the long run.
I want focus on creativity, independent thinking and self esteem.
Your child will have years of phonics ahead at school.

Not accredited?! Time for a new nursery!

I didn't think so. If you want your child to have a Montessori education, send them to an accredited setting and pay your fees.

Please font publicly claim that this is a Montessori nursery. It isn't, nor is it following a "Montessori curriculum".

Welcome to the world of nursery fees, wraparound care, sports clubs and after school clubs - all have to be paid for in advance.

Why does a 3 year old need to know phonics? Also wouldnt a Montessori nursery shy away from teaching this at 3 years old?

let them be nursery kids! There’s time enough for formal learning at school.

Fwiw I grew up in a European education system that doesn't start formal language teaching until age 6. That's the third year of school - state schooling starts at age 4. I was very curious about reading and writing (lots of 'mum, what does that say?') so my mum taught me that from age 4-5. I was a pretty good reader by age 6. You can do similar with your child. Teach in your time together so it stays fun.

This is the first nursery that requires payment in advance in my experience.

I have never heard of a nursery that doesn't bill monthly in advance.

You have just joined and you didn't pay the first invoice despite being chased, then asked to change the agreed hours which they accommodated, then you complained about the manager and didn't pay the second invoice on time either, then you followed this up writing a negative review about the nursery online and now you're surprised they're not being overly friendly to you?

Yes, I certainly do think it’s too unreasonable! There is no need to prepare them for school by already trying to do what they will doing at school at a more appropriate age. And describing pre-schoolers as ‘students’ is crazy!

Never write a negative review or public post to a group (assuming that's what you did) about someone/somewhere until you've left. :) At least not without anonymising details. You will have to really charm them now if you want to make the relationship you have with them ok.

But the place sounds like it's trying to be all things to all men- Hippy pseudoscience and hothousing at the same time. Mind you you said you were after both too when they're not really compatible.

They shouldn't have to be getting partial payments. They're doing you a favour there.

And they can change the rest of the hours they run that your child isn't present for whenever without mentioning it to you, as long as it doesn't effect what you officially signed on the dotted line for.

Your circumstances have changed and this place now doesn't suit your commitments and budget.

It's worth making sure you know the details of payments for anything you sign up for of any kind.

Saying they couldn't predict what the payments are going to be each month is hatstand unless they can give you a list of the payments that it'll be for each particular month when you sign up.

To echo @SeriouslyWhataMess and @Agapornis, this does not sound like a Montessori setting. A structured timetable (as you write about happening 8-1) is not in keeping with the ethos at all, nor is the concept that it would be more Montessori-focussed at one time of day than another, as if they dip in and out of it and keep some pretty wooden toys on shelves for good measure. A true Montessori nursery would have Montessori principles embedded at absolutely all times, and although activities and curricula are very carefully prepared by staff, there would not be a structured timetable of group activities and everything would be child-led on an individual level. A child would learn phonics when they were naturally ready and interested in the phonics-related materials.

If you want a Montessori setting, look for a fully accredited one with teachers qualified through a nationally or internationally recognised and respected body (not an online course somewhere, or nothing at all). Unfortunately in the UK the term is not protected and anyone can choose to use it.

I was also concerned to read the nursery owner’s child attends the setting; though this isn’t wrong per se, many settings have scrupulous policies stating staff members’ children should not attend (for various reasons, but including bias and distraction which could be the case if your child is indeed having run-ins with the manager’s child which are not being dealt with neutrally).

I believe Montessori education is excellent. However, if you are wanting structure and early teaching of whole group Phonics, have you considered a pre school may be more in line with your ideas of what you want for your child? It would be more flexible about the free hours too.

In any case:

• this is difficult for you to afford, and it’s not sustainable or acceptable to keep delaying partial payments, not to mention stressful for you
• rapport is gone and probably hard to rebuild
• if you want Montessori, this isn’t it anyway
• are you sure a true a Montessori setting can deliver what you envisage for your child? Preschool is likely a better fit in terms of this

Edit to add: do take time to read up on Montessori philosophy and methodologies. In my opinion, it is one of the best and most holistic foundations you could have, not only for school but more importantly for life. My comments about a preschool perhaps being more in line with your current thinking do not represent my own view on what I personally think (I would choose a true Montessori setting over this).

Best of luck.

You sound like absolute headwork and I expect you have thoroughly pissed them off.

In your shoes now, I'd be scouting out alternative providers in case they give you notice that your dc's space is being withdrawn.

You sound demanding, difficult, deluded and unrealistic.

i would be surprised if many nurseries don’t expect payment in advance, ours certainly did.

who leaves a bad review for a service they are currently using?!?! Just plain dim

You signed a contract but didn't read it properly and are now saying there are things you didn't know that have now caused issues and which were specified in the contract? Contracts are not fun reading material but if you choose not to read them before signing you have only yourself to blame. She may verbally have told you one thing but you heard something else and vice versa. The contract is all you can rely on.

same train of thought here

I used to run my own nursery and parents like you, who didn't pay their fees on time, often meant I had to pay my staff from my own savings or they wouldn't have been paid.

In regards to phonics, is he being taught in the same way as the school you intend to send him too? If not it will not be helping him at all, as he may need to learn all over again, in a different style which will be very confusing for him.

Did the policy state that parents were entitled to completely change their child’s attendance pattern without any prior consultation and the nursery would have to just suck it up even if inconvenient to them? Thought not.

Just because they might theoretically offer something doesn’t mean you can demand it. You will have signed a contract that agreed your morning sessions, and they have probably arranged their staff rotas accordingly. They are not obliged to allow changes.