SIL describing herself as "retired" pissing me off

[SacreBleugh]

I have recently retired. I've worked full time my entire career, as well as bringing up 4 kids. I know. Heroic.
My SIL is a SAHM to 3 grown up kids. She's had the odd temporary very part time hobby job in the 30 years I have known her. She is now also describing herself as "retired". I'm not sure why I find this irritating.

How old is SIL?

Is she at retirement age? It's probably an easy way to describe her situation if that's the case.

Well the next question is usually about what you used to do so people may be a bit perplexed if she's still quite young.

It's an odd way to describe yourself but maybe she doesn't have an identity now the kids are grown. What's the alternative, 'housewife' 😱

Lol she isn’t a sahm to 3 grown up kids surely

It sounds fair enough as she has retired from raising the children.

Doesn't unemployed mean someone seeking work, so that's not relevant

Lady of leisure?

She's late 50s. None of her children live at home any more. She leads a leisurely life.

Your not sure why it irritates you so ask yourself- Why does it matter to you and your life? What impact does her describing herself as retired have on you?

I wouldn't be pissed off, I'd feel sorry for her if she's never had any sort of success in the working world.

Ask her about her pension arrangements now she's 'retired'!! She won't even have a full state pension by the sound of it never mind an occupational one. Guess she's relying on the Important Man to bank roll her

If someone says they have retired, I would assume that they have retired from a job.

People also use retired to describe themselves if they have reached state pension age, even if they didn't previously have a paid job.

I know I'm probably being grouchy and unreasonable. That's why I'm voicing it here anonymously! I wouldn't say this out loud to anyone. I think it's because I feel I have worked so hard and am delighted to be retired whereas she has just smoothly morphed from one type of leisure to another.

If she's not planning to seek work or return to it in the future she is retired. It's exactly what the word means.

I think the issue is you want validation for raising 4 kids. But they arent compulsory.

Well she is retired? She was raising kids and had part time jobs, now she’s in her 50’s and doing neither, nor looking for work, so she is by definition retired.

Do you prefer ‘unemployed’? Or ‘economically inactive’?

I stopped work in my late 40s due to an injury which isn’t particularly obvious. I do in fact receive an ill health retirement pension but even if I didn’t I’d class myself as retired.

I recommend you find something more interesting to be annoyed about.

What's wrong with her calling herself retired?

Perhaps she has spent years trying to return to work but was unsuccessful finding anything? That is disillusioning and very nearly put me right off. Luckily I did get something, but not on great pay as I'd been out for too long.

I'm drawing on a private pension now, so maybe I can actually say I am retired. 😉😃

I retired at 48yrs old.. meaning I lived on income not from work but what I’d saved for. My son however disagreed with the term ‘retired’ and said I was wilfully and happily unemployed. I’m happy with that description. Just let it go.. it’s just not worth worrying about .. enjoy your style of retirement… whilst she enjoys hers! Smile.

Lady of leisure would be more appropriate. I can understand you feeling irritated. You'd need to have done something in the first place to be able to retire from it. Who gets to retire from being a parent? We're all those forever (although clearly not every parent actually does any parenting!).

Life is not a competition about who works the hardest. Her supposedly cushy life is nothing to do with you.

I'm a SAHM.
When my youngest leaves home I will be retired.

How else would you describe the occupation of a 70yo ex SAHM?

YABU

What exactly has she retired from, maybe?

This is quite unusual.

I've read lots of angry/bitter posts from working women on here, against women who choose to continue to stay at home and look after the house etc, when their kids have grown up.

But this is the first I've read of someone taking that bitterness into their retirement?

Let it go because not only is it none of your business, but she IS retired whether you're happy about that or not.

Just concentrate on enjoying your own leisure time now.

Your SIL certainly knows which buttons to press.
She only needs to say a few words, press the button and away you go, fretting and no doubt losing sleep.
Bet she’s smiling to herself.
😉😁😁.

Retired is more accurate than SAHM.

I find when I feel resentful of someone it’s usually something in me that I’m resenting. And in your situation I’d be feeling like I resented having to work for so hard and so long to have what someone else ‘appears’ to have handed to them on a plate.

It’s similar to the resentment I feel when my friend tells me she’s a single parent for the week when her DH works away. Sure, it’s tough, but it’s not the same as 20 odd years of making every single decision and carrying all the weight and responsibilities on my own.

You feel your years of hard work have been diminished by her putting herself in the same bracket as you.