SIL describing herself as "retired" pissing me off

[SacreBleugh]

I have recently retired. I've worked full time my entire career, as well as bringing up 4 kids. I know. Heroic.
My SIL is a SAHM to 3 grown up kids. She's had the odd temporary very part time hobby job in the 30 years I have known her. She is now also describing herself as "retired". I'm not sure why I find this irritating.

So what would you prefer she said OP? What would make you feel happy and content regarding her status?

I've never really thought of "retired" as a success term, so I'm not sure what the problem is. Seems just a simple and clear way to describe her relationship with work.

@SacreBleugh , you're retired from work and she's retired from child-rearing. Two different, but equally important jobs.

YABU.

How do you know her husband didn't pay into her retirement fund?

My mother worked pre DC and went back to work when her youngest was 5. She worked as a teacher full time and paid into a full state pension. It meant that she had 7 years of not working and decades of working. We never went to any kind of childcare. This was in the 80s. My grandmother went back to work full time when her youngest was 11. Working mothers aren’t a new phenomenon.

I've a sibling that hasn't worked since their early 20's, now mid 60's but still insists they've "paid their dues".

Leave it be OP...it's not worth giving it a thought.

I tend to assume that anyone who says they are retired is over state retirement age. Often people will say they’ve taken early retirement if they’re under that age.

I can see why. To retire, you have to retire from working. She’s never really worked. The most accurate thing to call it, just in my personal view, is that she’s a housewife. But it seems hardly anyone describes themselves as that anymore.

Lady of leisure, kept woman, independently wealthy (if that’s true) would all be better than retired.

She might have some state pension from before she had children. I think you need ten years of contributions to get something?

You don't need to be working to pay into a pension, and a person can draw a pension without it being enough by itself for them to retire on. It's a thing.

So the nanny looking after children can retire but the mother looking after children can’t, is that right op?

You don't really know what her day to day looks like though do you? I am currently (mostly) a stay at home mum to little children (I occasionally take on freelance work when I want to) and I can guarantee that what I am doing at home all day with my children and our home is far more than what most working mums are doing when they are at home because I have the time to do those things and treat being an at home mum as a job. I am not doing simple chores and then relaxing, it is full on. You shouldn't be judged for working, nor should you think you understand what the day to day looks like for a stay at home mum either.

Impossible to see your annoyance as anything but jealousy of what u think of as the easier life she had . Just enjoy your retirement fgs.

How is that the same thing?

Some posters need to educate themselves on private pensions.

Yes, but you have extra help if you've outsourced some parenting. I doubt OP was cooking dinner for four children, stirring the pot with her left hand, whilst simultaneously typing with the right.

Also, both OP and her SIL have achievements. Why does it have to be a competition for the Woe is Me awards?

I would consider cooking, cleaning, washing, helping children with homework and organising work to some degree actually, because we do pay others to do it - just because you don’t value it. I don’t suppose a school aged child just sits there like a statue and the mother sits with her feet up watching Netflix. Ofc it is work.

I was going to ask you how much she worked, I've had a part time job since my kids were born and tbh I don't have any plans to go back to full time, I'm going to class myself as retired when I stop working but I imagine that will be well past 65

That's why I said when they are young.

I'd call that retired. She isn't involved in caring for her children and doesn't intend to return to work. Why does it bother you so much? Its a word.

You sound envious. Do you resent that she hasn't had to work and you have? Is your sense of self worth tied up in your working, and now retired status and you feel she hasn't 'earned' her retirement in the way that you have?

Working mothers also do all that!

When I left work (late 50s, worked from 16 with a break for university in my 20s) due to caring 24/7 and it being utterly incompatible with my job, I basically got a "cheers and don't let the door hit out you on the way out". I'd been there nearly 30 years.

My very nice boss was incensed and I got the £230 gift as she said I'd "retired" .

I wouldn't let it eat you OP, there is no point.

@LikeARunnerHo
Because the person I was caring for was my child. So I was basically a SAHM with extra duties.

It would seem to me that nannies, childminders etc have more value placed on them, then mothers who stay at home to raise their own children. Strange.