SIL describing herself as "retired" pissing me off

[SacreBleugh]

I have recently retired. I've worked full time my entire career, as well as bringing up 4 kids. I know. Heroic.
My SIL is a SAHM to 3 grown up kids. She's had the odd temporary very part time hobby job in the 30 years I have known her. She is now also describing herself as "retired". I'm not sure why I find this irritating.

Sounds like sour grapes

My friend never worked once she got married in her earlier twenties. It used to annoy me when she talked about ‘pay day’. She meant her husbands pay day (“thank god it’s payday” that kind of thing)
It used to drive me mad for some reason.

Silly thing to be wound up about. She used to work, she now doesn’t. That’s what retirement is. There aren’t degrees of retirement based on what kind of job you had.

Late 50s is old enough to call yourself retired I think, much as the seemingly copycat behaviour I can understand being annoying.

You’re annoyed because you’re envious and you think you're better than her because you worked instead of parenting full time.

HTH

Exactly so. I appreciate it's not a good look!

I think it's because I feel I have worked so hard and am delighted to be retired

I work, but not particularly hard. Will I be allowed to say I'm retired?

Well I’m 52, and I have retired from paid work, so I generally say I’m retired. However, I do like how a PP relayed how her son described her - wilfully unemployed. I might use that instead 🤣

I’m a full time mum with new adults in 6th form - also in my 50s. I have started using the wood retired myself because it’s really means not working and likely to never again.

i think you are being over sensitive

What’s a hobby job? Just wondering as I jump between sahm and working in retail and want to scream when people say it’s nice I’ve gotten myself ‘a little job’. I think if you delve you’ll find she was possibly forced through circumstances to give up jobs over the years (kids always getting sick/ no childcare etc). I may be projecting but it’s a situation I know a lot of people in and it gets annoying people acting like we’re just not wanting to work!!!

Unemployed is the correct term surely

She doesn’t work. She’s never worked. She’s not retired from anything!

I honestly think the mumsnet tide has swept everyone to the side of YABU but I totally understand it annoying you!! Nothing wrong with the life she's lead but she can't go around saying she's retired like she's had years of hard work

I can see why that irritates you. Retiring suggests she has been in gainful employment and she has not.

I can see the perspective that she says it for ease in general conversation too.

No. Not even slightly true.

You should have met my great aunt. When her ex husband died (25 years post divorce) she started describing herself as widowed rather than divorced 😂

Well her job was being a SAHM, and her kids are grown up and no longer live at home. Thus, she is retired. Sounds like you are belittling her achievement tbh. Like raising three children is easy!

When my DF died, my DM described herself as a ‘retired civil servant’ to the registrar. She ‘retired’ in the late 1950s (about 60 years ago at the time) after about 10 years of actual working.

I was a bit

I think the disdain towards women who stay at home to look after house/children is really nasty.

I know, I wonder if there's a mean old girls retirement home somewhere, where 'proper' retired Mumsnetters can go to bitch to their heart's content? 😁

Of course not. That's not even remotely similar

It's annoying that she finds excuses to be paid benefits which takes from the pot of those who need it more, but she says her back twinges so her doctor completes the forms.

Because it is that easy to get disability benefits. 🙄

I can understand your annoyance. SAHM isn’t a job so you can’t suddenly be retired from that long since they grew up. Retired indicates you were gainfully employed. Otherwise people may ask, oh what was your role before you retired. SAHM? Oh how old are your children then? 45 and 43. Oh.

Yes she can and she does.

The beauty of living in a free country.

Sounds like you are belittling her achievement tbh. Like raising three children is easy!

Everyone who has children raises them! That’s not a job, it’s being a parent!

I am sure you also piss her off in other ways