SIL describing herself as "retired" pissing me off

[SacreBleugh]

I have recently retired. I've worked full time my entire career, as well as bringing up 4 kids. I know. Heroic.
My SIL is a SAHM to 3 grown up kids. She's had the odd temporary very part time hobby job in the 30 years I have known her. She is now also describing herself as "retired". I'm not sure why I find this irritating.

It could be worse. I have a family member who "retired" onto benefits years ago late 40s having never worked full time. I'm less then a decade younger, work full time and no plans to retire for 17 years. I value making my own money and developing skills through experience at work.

When we meet I find her life very dull with little choice. It's annoying that she finds excuses to be paid benefits which takes from the pot of those who need it more, but she says her back twinges so her doctor completes the forms.

I get what you mean OP. I wouldn’t be annoyed just mildly irritated. What does she think she’s returning from? Her circumstances haven’t changed. She’s just gotten older.

I know a woman who I expect to do the same. She’s a SAHM to two school aged kids. She asked me how I was and I told her work was full on at the moment and that with the kids meant I was a bit all over the place. She empathised saying she was also tired with the kids and working! By work she meant her chores! I was thinking what type of new crack is this woman smoking?! She will defo claim to have retired when she reaches 65!

The SIL sounds like me except I was 52 when I ‘retired’.

YABU

My mum retired at 58. She'd never worked full time. She still retired.

You're jealous she's had such an easy life......and that's fine. Hell I'd be jealous too. In fact I am jealous and I don't even know the woman 🤣🤣🤣

I get it, I really do. If you were both out in a social situation and you chatted to someone you didn't know, you may say if asked, you had now retired. An obvious question would be, from what?

I get what you’re saying OP. She had no job to retire from

You're envious.

How would you like her to respond/ describe herself and what does it matter to you?

You sound bitter. She is retired, her job was a SAHP and now they are grown. It's a valid 'job' and not one I'd have wanted to do long term so fair play to her for coming up with a way of answering questions about what she does for a living that doesn't make her worthless in our sexist economy.

Being a SAHM is not really leisure. It's different from working but there are hardships involved that you wouldn't understand if you hadn't done it.

YABVU to judge your SIL. If you feel bad about how your life turned out then you would be better to get therapy for that, than to take our your anger on your SIL.

That is so true.

She's not retirement age until she is 67. She is however unwaged.

You are basically unhappy with your choices and think your SIL has made better ones.

Strictly speaking she's a house wife. If she had to live independently of her husband's earnings she would be classed as unemployed. When she reaches SR age she will be retired, and not before. Does that make you feel better OP?

It would annoy me too, op, but I’m also grouchy and unreasonable. I think to be retired you should have retired from something and be living on “retirement income” eg a pension. If you’ve never worked and are in your 50s you are no more retired than an 18yo unemployed kid. Having a private income or being supported by a partner a decade before pensionable age isn’t retired. I work in the nhs and lots of my colleagues are retired but working, sometimes full time, because they have started to claim their 1995 pension and some have their state pension too and they have been through a retire-return process - they are retired. If they’d quit and were claiming their pension then they’d be retired. If they’d quit because then don’t need to work because of support from a partner but couldn’t claim the nhs, a private, or their state pension because they are only 55 or 42 or 26 then they aren’t retired.

What a nasty post!

Surely you mean she's not state pension age until 67?

I haven't been in paid employment for 25 years. I had to give up work to become an unpaid carer. I did that for 17 years until the person I cared for died. I didn't return to work. My previous employment afforded me a final salary pension which I started receiving this year.
When people ask if I work/what I do, I tell them I'm retired. What else am I going to say?
Would I annoy you too?

Her circumstances will have changed if her children have left home.

If she's late 50's and doesn't intend seeking work then surely she is retired?

I know a few people in their 50's that are retired. They did all work full time up until retirement though.

I think the disdain towards women who stay at home to look after house/children is really nasty. The capitalist system wants you to think that paid employment is the only thing of value to society but that’s far from true. Tbh ‘retired’ is probably the description that best describes her situation. It’s certainly better than ‘sahm’ (because her kids are adults) or ‘unemployed’ (because that implies she’s looking for work)

Presumably because she hasn't actually retired from anything. There's the daily grind of showing up for work 9 to 5 (or something similar) and she hasn't done it. She's maybe had semi leisurely weekdays at home since the youngest started school.

At the same time I suppose there's no term for 'raised kids and now not raising kids but still a parent' (ex-SAHM?) so it's probably just the handiest term for her and not necessarily trying to muscle in on those who are thankful they can finally choose to stay in bed and potter around the house.

Definition of 'retire'

retire
(rɪtaɪəʳ )

Word forms: retires, retiring, retired
1. verb B1+
When older people retire, they leave their job and usually stop working completely.
At the age when most people retire, he is ready to face a new career. [VERB]
Although their careers are important many said they plan to retire at 50. [VERB]
In 1974 he retired from the museum. [VERB+ from]
Synonyms: stop working, give up work, reach retirement age, be pensioned off More Synonyms of retire

2. verb
When a sports player retires from their sport, they stop playing in competitions. When they retire from a race or a match, they stop competing in it.
I have decided to retire from Formula One racing at the end of the season. [VERB + from]
One of the most serious injuries was to Simon Littlejohn, who was forced to retire from the race with a leg injury. [VERB fromnoun]
[Also VERB]
Synonyms: retreat, withdraw, pull out, give way

Your kids leaving home doesn’t meet the definition of retirement. That’s up there with those people who tell women trying to get back in to careers to tell the interviewer that stopping your kids from fighting demonstrates your skills around managing difficult stakeholders.

Neither my mum or dad are 67. They have both retired. HTH