School refusing my daughter a replacement sticker

[Trek28]

My daughter is 4-years old and has just started school. She did some good work in class and was called up in assembly last Friday, and was given a special sticker by the headteacher. When I collected her from school that day she was really upset and told me about the sticker, and that it had been lost/another child had taken it during the school day. I thought, no problem, I'll just email the school and ask for another one.

I emailed the school explaining the situation, but was a bit surprised and taken aback by the response. It reads:

Hello XXXXX,

Thank you for your email.

Unfortunately, the headteacher sticker is given out in the morning and has to last the day at school.

We are unable to give out a replacement. Sorry for any inconvenience caused.

This response strikes me as a bit mean and was not at all the response I expected. I know it is just a silly sticker. But my daughter was really proud to receive it and is still upset that it is lost. She keeps wanting to talk to me about it and I don't even know what it looks like. Any suggestions? AIBU?

Children learn by losing things, and no one replacing it: they learn personal accountability and responsibility.

If a lost sticker is the worst thing that she endures in her life, good for her.

Mama: stand firm.

FML.
Four pages of indignation over a bloody sticker

If you type Headteacher Award sticker in Amazon you'll see the most popular designs (as the staff generally buy them with their own money).

what a right miserable bastard who wrote that email

very typical of school office staff in my experience

I don't think primary schools are there to be kind any more.
They seem to have their own agendas.

I think the thing schools sometimes forget is that it's them bigging up the stickers and telling the kids how special they are. So to then expect a 4 yr old to recognise it's only a sticker, they fall off, it doesn't matter, no need to show your mum and dad... Perhaps they could give them a certificate to keep safe in their book bags, or stick the sticker on them on the way out of the door or something.

You get maybe one or two years before they twig that it's at best taking turns, or often the worst behaved kids get the most rewards. Be kind to them in that small window where they believe what you tell them.

That’s really sweet! It’s nice to know some of the lost stickers get a second go.

I'd see if I can find out where they get them from and order one myself.

I agree it seems mean on an individual level, but I think they're 'training' you early on to not bug them about minor things.

Someone working at the school (who has nothing to do with the stickers) has had to open and read that email, and decide if they should forward it to the head teacher for a decision, who would then need to organise with your child's class teacher to get the sticker to her.

So that's 3 people and a number of steps for one little sticker, extrapolate that out to a whole school's worth of daily emails and you can probably see why they are (rightly or wrongly) hoping to deter you from becoming one of 'those' parents who emails about everything.

Those “she’s only four” posters. What exactly are you ok with a four year old being sad or disappointed about if you think an unreplaced lost sticker is too harsh? Or are you of the view that small children mustn’t ever feel sad or disappointed or emotionally uncomfortable in any way until they’re some magical age where suddenly they can cope? It’s really not doing them any favours.

Exactly this. No school wants to encourage parents to email about issues that they can solve themselves. OP can either have the issue solved by emailing, expecting a response (1 min minimum), getting the sticker from the head abd giving the sticker to the child or the parents (depends on the school size and organisation, but easily 5 minutes). Or they can solve it by talking to DD about how proud they are of her due to the achievement and making a sticker together if she really wants a new one. One takes six minutes of school staff time, and then encourages OP to email over the next small issue that she can solve herself. It's that, not the six minutes, that they'd be most concerned about.

Yes, it's sad for the child, but there are bigger issues that the office staff need to deal with and, like in any job, staff must prioritise and manage expectations.

Honestly, it's a school. The teachers have jobs to do teaching the children. Stickers are a little gimmick to help facilitate learning. Don't put the cart before the horse. Help your daughter by modelling a relaxed approach to what I am sure will be just one of the many similar mishaps that are part of the everyday drama of school life.

Order some special stickers online and tell your dd on. Friday after school that the head gave it to you to give to her.

She won't remember to mention it by the following Monday.

I used to give my kids medals of the same style that the other kids got for 100% attendance at the end of the year. I just told them the head forgot to give them in assembly.

The only reason my kids didn't get them was because of all their hospital appointments (they're not supposed to discriminate if the child is off due to a medical appointment).

This is going to sound utterly ridiculous, but, I shall say it anyway.

I'm 53, reward driven and my therapist used to give me a gold sticker each week if I'd achieved goals. Yes, yes, I know, keep your comments to yourself, I know already. But they meant a lot to me whilst in the darkest of places.

Anyway, I used to put the stickers on my bathroom cabinet. New cleaner and my stickers were gone.

They meant a lot to me. I can imagine how upset your DC is. But the lesson is to keep them somewhere safe and treasure them as they can't be replaced. (My subsequent ones are now inside the bathroom cabinet and I take pleasure in counting them as each one is a week I've learnt more stuff and am still here.)

Get your DC to put award stickers on her water bottle, inside her bag to peel off at home, that kind of thing. Then she can treasure them.

Oh, and I meant to say, I wanted to beg for replacement gold sticker stars after they'd been cleaned off. My therapist just sort of smiled and waved, aka 'you're a grown ass woman wanting stickers, get over it!' when I told her what happened!

It's a horrible concept to have to return a reward.
Are they dealing with the person who took the sticker and how is the normal return of the sticker conducted on normal occasions?

I cannot believe you think teachers and head teachers have the time for this??!

Your kid loses a stickers and you ask for a replacement??

I would try to find out what the sticker looks like and get my own for her.

Gosh, I remember the excitement of getting a gold star in my exercise book. Or a monitor badge when it was my turn to be milk monitor.

what a right miserable bastard who wrote that email

very typical of school office staff in my experience

^

Yeah who do they think they are eh

Replying to 2700's emails per day for tuppence an hour and then getting flack about it

Should cheer the feck up

It's harsh. Especially for a 4 year old. Did another child steal the sticker or did your DD just lose it.

All the kids have bought poppy's this week. They aren't pinned on anymore they are stickered. They all fell off within the hour. It was so sad for all the kids but you can't replace them

My child is in year 1 and so I’ve recently had a reception child.

I think emailing the school over a sticker is mad. You should be managing her expectations and help her regulate her own feelings about the situation in a gentle way. It is a part of life that things like stickers get lost, this can’t always be resolved and this is a part of your role of a parent to build resilience and be there for her when she’s upset in a more complex way. These little challenges are going to crop up on numerous occasions from now on now she’s in primary school, and while I appreciate she’s only a baby still, it’s best to talk through these things and start letting her down gently about the ‘unfairness’ of things. You can’t wave a magic wand and fix every tiny problem when it crops up.

Go to school and pay for another one.
Make it known that, if she ever loses another, she won't be asking for a replacement.

If this doesn't work, help your daughter draw a beautiful picture of what the sticker looked like.
Colour it the same, label with the date the sticker was earnt and a small sentence about the sticker. Display the picture in a frame or on your daughter's pinboard.

I bought a pack of smiley star stickers from Amazon; they come in handy for situations like these. But you’re right, very petty from the school/teacher!

Make her a "extra special" certificate that she can put on her wall congratulating her for the original behaviour and coping well with mislaying the sticker.