School refusing my daughter a replacement sticker

[Trek28]

My daughter is 4-years old and has just started school. She did some good work in class and was called up in assembly last Friday, and was given a special sticker by the headteacher. When I collected her from school that day she was really upset and told me about the sticker, and that it had been lost/another child had taken it during the school day. I thought, no problem, I'll just email the school and ask for another one.

I emailed the school explaining the situation, but was a bit surprised and taken aback by the response. It reads:

Hello XXXXX,

Thank you for your email.

Unfortunately, the headteacher sticker is given out in the morning and has to last the day at school.

We are unable to give out a replacement. Sorry for any inconvenience caused.

This response strikes me as a bit mean and was not at all the response I expected. I know it is just a silly sticker. But my daughter was really proud to receive it and is still upset that it is lost. She keeps wanting to talk to me about it and I don't even know what it looks like. Any suggestions? AIBU?

Well I was an infant teacher for 40 years. I’ve always managed to find a flipping replacement sticker for a sad little 4 year old. Might not have been a shiny fantastic headteacher one but I’d have found something in my sticker department.
Very unnecessarily harsh.

It does seem harsh but I can see the reasoning. If every child who loses/ruins their sticker asks for another one, then it becomes a waste of time and resources. It's like balloons and other transitory items - it can be a difficult lesson for children that these things don't last forever but we can enjoy them for longer if we take good care of them.

I think it is a bit mean-spirited of the school. Very curt reply.

But also, you can't fix everything for them, it's by experiencing these minor disappointments that kids develop resilience. Help her get over the sticker,

Bless her, DD1 would be upset about this too, not really about the sticker itself but that she hadn't had a chance to show me and her dad. Poor toot.

If you'd have popped in to reception I'm sure they'd have found a sticker of some sort, emailing is wild.

I've been in a similar situation with my then 6 year old. Head teacher gave her a big hug and a replacement sticker.

We put them on the reading record now.

What an unkind school. It probably took longer to write that reply than it would have to stick one in her tray!

Most kids can’t make a sticker last all day at school so it’s normal for it to get lost. If they replaces stickers each time then they’d spend crazy money on stickers.

I would buy some stickers and award them to her for good behaviour.

Maybe I'm soft but I'd definitely replace a sticker for a 4 year old!

Can you have a look online OP and get DD to 'show you what it was like' - I'm sure you can find something fairly similar/better for a few ££

I have to agree with this.

👏👏👏

I also agree with this. Spot on

And when she loses the next one? How many do they replace!!

Buy your own pack for her.

Maybe she will look after the next one she earns better if she learns that it won’t be instantly replaced if she loses it? 🤷‍♀️

I cannot get over the fact you emailed the school about a lost sticker and thought they’d give a single shit about it.

Personally, I think it sends an important message about taking care of things that are important to you, and it's right to instil this early.

Children are a bit too used to parents magically replacing things they mistreat or lose. Schools aren't money pits and you have to be consistent.

You have a very unrealistic view of school if you genuinely think that the teachers have enough time in their day to muck about with random emails about stickers!
You are likely to get a name for yourself as one of ‘those’ parents I fear

Just wait until they loose their brand new school coat… the school don’t care. You have to teach your child not to loose stuff. It’s brutal but that’s the step up from nursery to school.

It seems a bit rude/cold for a child of that age. I will say though that our school is similar, and if a child forgets a library book on library day, the parent isn't permitted to drop it off during the day etc. They try to teach the children that if they don't remember their books they have to wait a week until they get another one. Again, it is harsh for a 4 year old, but I don't set the policy.

Could you make a new ‘sticker’ together? Choose the shape and colour and picture on it and spend some time making it together talking about how she felt to get the sticker (was it a surprise?), who gave it to her, what she remembers about it, did it have words on, etc.? Then you could make something together and maybe put it in a memory box so she can always remember this time. You could also use this as an opportunity to talk about how hard it is when we lose/break/ have stolen things that mean something to us. But explaining that we can always remember how something felt for us.

It's a hard lesson but maybe not one she's too young to learn: take really good care of things that matter to you. I can understand the school not having time or resources to deal with requests like this one. But I do hate the 'sorry for the inconvenience' - it's not inconvenience, it's genuine sadness.

You were unreasonable to email the head teacher about a sticker. I'm not surprised you got short shrift. Congratulate your child on earning the sticker, commiserate on it being lost, focus on when she earns it again , she can look after it and bring it home.

Exactly. Some posters are telling the OP to go back and argue the point further. Imagine being in that school office,’Oh Mr Harding forget that Ofsted inspection, the Headmaster’s conference next week and your meeting with the local education authority, Amelia’s Mum has emailed again about the lost sticker!

Fucking hell, I can’t believe anyone who has worked in a professional capacity would do this.

Say to your DD ‘Oh don’t worry about the sticker, Daddy and I know what you did to get it and we’re so proud of you! I’m sure you’ll get awarded it again soon. Hey shall we go to the shops on the weekend and I’ll buy you a very special present for doing so well?

And then never mention the sticker again.

I work in a school - I think it’s a bit harsh - just give her another bloody sticker.

Stickers don’t last, and that’s a lesson in itself. I probably wouldn’t be asking for another myself, but if someone approached me for another after it was lost, I’d give it gladly.

I have a sensitive DD who learned about stickers through many tears. She is tear one now and can be wistful over a sticker and also say, ‘well stickers don’t last forever mummy’.

could you get her to describe it, ‘draw it’ with her and then put it on the fridge/in a frame?

She’s 4, not stupid. Of course she can understand that lost things can’t always be replaced. Next time, she’ll be more careful.