School refusing my daughter a replacement sticker

[Trek28]

My daughter is 4-years old and has just started school. She did some good work in class and was called up in assembly last Friday, and was given a special sticker by the headteacher. When I collected her from school that day she was really upset and told me about the sticker, and that it had been lost/another child had taken it during the school day. I thought, no problem, I'll just email the school and ask for another one.

I emailed the school explaining the situation, but was a bit surprised and taken aback by the response. It reads:

Hello XXXXX,

Thank you for your email.

Unfortunately, the headteacher sticker is given out in the morning and has to last the day at school.

We are unable to give out a replacement. Sorry for any inconvenience caused.

This response strikes me as a bit mean and was not at all the response I expected. I know it is just a silly sticker. But my daughter was really proud to receive it and is still upset that it is lost. She keeps wanting to talk to me about it and I don't even know what it looks like. Any suggestions? AIBU?

It is sad when a child loses their sticker they've worked hard for but I think the correct thing to do would have been to big up the act of the being recognised rather than the sticker and so she could still feel that sense of pride. Personally I wouldn't have emailed the teacher about it but I don't think there is anything wrong with their response.

There have been some sensible responses regarding the actual sticker and the implications/admin/logistics involved in replacing every lost sticker etc.

Those complaining about it only being a sticker are missing the wider point which is that this is as much about setting boundaries for the parent and managing their expectations as it is teaching the child about looking after things.

When DS was in reception there were soooo many stickers and he didn’t want to lose them either. So I got him a really small notebook to keep in his book bag. Any stickers he got, he put straight in there so they’d survive and he could show us when he got home. The school has been a bit mean here but I agree that a sticker won’t last the day generally

You went to the headteacher about this??

On sports day, we give out stickers for 1st, 2nd and 3rd. There are some major strops when children have lost them , by the end of the day! They can’t be replaced, because it would cost a fortune!!! You may think “ oh it’s just a little sticker”, but it adds up!

Also, when given a sticker, the tendency is for them to peel and unpeel them constantly so they drop off easily. I give a strip of sticky tape on request, these days, to try and combat this happening, but if it gets lost, it gets lost! No replacements.

And the “another child took it” response, usually means that it dropped off and it was picked up by another child…. Although ,with a special Head Teacher’s award sticker, I would hope it was noticeable by staff if someone was wearing it when they shouldn’t be!

It’s a sticker… why is this such a situation?

Wow it’s a sticker given to a 4 year old, I’d be impressed if it made it to lunch! What’s their reasoning for not replacing it, I’m baffled

I think that’s answered it. A whole group of kids every assembly whose stickers don’t make it to lunch and having to organise/coordinate/distribute replacements all throughout the day. It won’t be just one kid. Most will lose them. Saying no as a blanket prevents these time consuming logistics I imagine.

It does seem harsh, but for all you know the headteacher just dealt with a complex and disturbing safeguarding issue with kids who are at risk and then got an email off the back of that from a parent about a sticker.

I am also the parent of a 4 year old DD and I think you're totally overthinking this OP.

It's a sticker, a very small symbol of good behaviour. The much bigger point being that your daughter was recognised by the head teacher which is fantastic. Concentrate on that bit, it's not about the physical sticker.

Of course you can't expect the school to replace every single lost sticker (which must happen daily) and i am a little shocked you actually contacted the HT about this.

I agree with pp that there is a lesson in here about looking after things that you feel are important - if my DD loses or damages something beyond repair then she knows that's it, I don't rush out to get her a replacement.

If the stickers are important to your daughter then do as pp did and get a little book she can keep in her bag where she can put the stickers and show you when she gets home - therefore teaching her how better to look after things in future.

Exactly this! You’d spend time constantly replacing stickers for every child that lost one.

I can’t imagine contacting the school over this! Kids lose stickers, you just sympathise with them and they get over it quickly enough, and soon learn to put them away if they want to keep them. I do feel for teachers!

Exactly. People would be shocked how many very serious safeguarding issues go on in a school. Some children have awful home lives and SLT are often involved in trying to keep these children safe from harm.

You’ve made yourself out to be ‘that parent’ OP.

This. They have to learn not to keep peeling them off to look at them. Children lose them all the time without being traumatised by it and I don't think I've ever been asked for a replacement.

I think that’s extremely mean, I imagine it’s a nice shiny headteachers one, in which case they should give it on its backing for child to take home and stick in a book etc to keep not pop it on their jumper where it obviously won’t make the end of the day and a child is bound to be upset they can’t show mum.

YABU to waste their time emailing about the sticker. How many lost stickers do you think there are every day in a primary school?
You should have focused on the achievement and special recognition from the HT rather than the sticker.

I have a class of 30 children.

Most days, I have to speak to parents about something after school and spend my lunchtime and breaktime not sitting down or having a break or even getting stuff prepped for the next lesson.

I spend my non contact time (break and lunch) chasing things up and trying to find someone or get something sorted, meeting with the SENDCo, phoning parents etc. Some days, I don't even see the HT because he is just as busy.

So, I could spend an entire breaktime looking for the HT to speak with him about a lost HT sticker for him to have to leave the seriously disregulated child/accident/meeting he is in to walk me to his office to unlock the door to enter and find a replacement sticker.

I wouldn't have the time to do this and it wouldn't be seen as a good use of my time and something else would have to be neglected for me to do it. He wouldn't thank me for it. I'd be expected to tell the parent that we don't replace lost stickers.

And do you know what? Sometimes, i still wouldn’t find him. And, even if i did, that sticker would most likely also be lost by the end of the day because children lose stickers.

It simply isn’t realistic to spend time replacing all the lost stickers!

if a child comes to me and tells me it’s coming off I will grab some tape to keep it on for the rest of the day. But children spend half the time sticking the sticker on the forehead and playing with it so they stop being sticky and they get lost. It’s a shame but it happens.

don’t forget in most cases school staff will be paying for their stickers out of their own pockets.

I’m staggered you emailed about a lost sticker. 😳It really isn’t reaching her the realities of life or resilience. Big hug and I’m proud of you anyway would have sufficed.

It does seem mean on the surface, but if every child throughout the week was allowed to have their sticker replaced every time they lost one then there would be a lot of requests.

I work in primary school - we give out many stickers and kids always lose them. Sensible kids stick them in their school planners.

Well there you have it OP, tell your 4 year old daughter to get over herself and that will teach her not to be so bloody careless in future because it's these replacement stickers that are bringing all the schools down and taking up so much time and money. It's ridiculous on here sometimes lol

It’s a good life lesson in looking after things, I wouldn’t dream of emailing the school over it!

comfort her and talk about how she can look after stickers better and not let other children take them / ask for them back etc. Ask her what it looked like, maybe draw a new one together and stick that on her wall.

It wouldn't he a one off for the school though.

It would be multiple children, multiple times a for multiple stickers.

Where do you draw the line?

I teach Year 6 and give out special stickers which are personalised and I bought off Etsy. I guess it’s not the same as that’s out of my own budget but when they’re gone, they’re gone - I wouldn’t be able to give out replacements because I only have a finite amount. I would definitely give them a gold star or something if they asked.

Even though they’re older, I always say “put it on your jumper if you don’t mind the risk of losing it, or go and find somewhere safe to put it now”.

I don’t think it’s necessarily true that teachers have zero time for stuff like this. If I got an email like this (ok fair I would roll my eyes a LITTLE but that’s because my kids are 11!) I would scribble it down on a post it and try to sort it out by giving the kid a gold star or a little message on a card or something.

Edit: Obviously before anyone says, I’m talking about these things being largely one-offs. Teachers definitely don’t have time to be dealing with three or four similar issues to this a day!

Exactly!