School refusing my daughter a replacement sticker

[Trek28]

My daughter is 4-years old and has just started school. She did some good work in class and was called up in assembly last Friday, and was given a special sticker by the headteacher. When I collected her from school that day she was really upset and told me about the sticker, and that it had been lost/another child had taken it during the school day. I thought, no problem, I'll just email the school and ask for another one.

I emailed the school explaining the situation, but was a bit surprised and taken aback by the response. It reads:

Hello XXXXX,

Thank you for your email.

Unfortunately, the headteacher sticker is given out in the morning and has to last the day at school.

We are unable to give out a replacement. Sorry for any inconvenience caused.

This response strikes me as a bit mean and was not at all the response I expected. I know it is just a silly sticker. But my daughter was really proud to receive it and is still upset that it is lost. She keeps wanting to talk to me about it and I don't even know what it looks like. Any suggestions? AIBU?

Or we sometimes find choosing a magazine can help ease any sadness

If the school is this petty about a sticker then I dread to think what their response is to other issues

It seems a little harsh but the Headteacher has more things to worry about than replacing a sticker

um, you do realise the head herself doesn’t have to rectify this. The school office could just……peel off another sticker from the roll.

I appreciate that their response may come across as harsh but having worked in schools for years I can testify that they are truly at breaking point.

i mean, it’d be quicker to peel off another sticker wouldn’t it. If they’re at breaking point? And ask for the 20p if necessary….

My child’s school would never be this petty for a 4 year old who’s so proud. It’s a bit gross

Our Primary school used to give out small certificates instead of stickers - This worked really well because they could bring them home and stick them on their bedroom wall - It was just something printed out on yellow/gold card with "Commendation" with the child's name and why they had earned it and then signed by the headteacher and/or class teacher. My now 13 year old still has all of hers. much better, possibly cheaper and more permanent. Some of them are even laminated.

This is something to get over.

Just wait until they loose their brand new school coat… the school don’t care. You have to teach your child not to loose stuff. It’s brutal but that’s the step up from nursery to school.

back to school. It’s lose. Not loose

They have few motivational tools at their disposal and giving out replacement stickers kind of devalues them.

I will say though that our school is similar, and if a child forgets a library book on library day, the parent isn't permitted to drop it off during the day etc. They try to teach the children that if they don't remember their books they have to wait a week until they get another one. Again, it is harsh for a 4 year old, but I don't set the policy.

this is fucking appalling. A 4/5…even some 8 year olds don’t have the cognitive development necessary for remembering specific items on specific days. This means it’s down to the parents. And your school is therefore punishing kids whose parents are chaotic/ don’t care by not letting them have a reading book. When those very kids are probably the ones that have little or no few books at home. Fuck me, that’s cruel.

That makes no sense because very few 4 year olds will ask for a replacement sticker therfore they won't run out. Op's daughter is only 4, they are being very mean denying her a replacement. Stickers mean the works to a child of that sge.

You aren't wrong. I'm a very busy parent with a full time job, and don't doubt i'm going to forget the damn weekly book in the not distant future. Not a chance my 4 year old will remember herself 😫. I understand what the school is trying to teach them, but for the very young children it is a bit OTT.

I can't believe you emailed school over a lost sticker 😳

Yes the head might not have to peel the sticker off themself, but they’ve had to sit down to read and reply to a pretty pointless email from a parent.

I can see both sides. Schools are busy and will give you the brush-off for emailing about something relatively minor (think of all the other parents emailing about a million other relatively unimportant things when they do probably have urgent situations that they have to prioritise...) - and it's true that it's something she'll have to learn to deal with, stickers are ephemeral.

OTOH, she's 4 and it meant a lot to her and a little flexibility would go a long way. But IME OP, this is where being on side with the office staff is in your best interests. Always recognise and thank them, be friendly, don't make life hard for them and show you appreciate them. They are the people to ask about things like this - by saying "I know you must be really busy but could I ask a super-quick favour..." then explain how sad your DD is to have lost her sticker and as if they have another. If they can help, be very grateful and say how much it will mean to her. If not, don't make a fuss.

No, it really isn't weird or harsh. We'd be replacing stickers all day long if such rules didn't exist.

Stickers cost money. Our money. Most school teachers/TAs/staff members spend their own money on stickers. And stamps. And playdough. And chalk. other little prizes for primary school children. And advent calendar season is coming up, and most will buy little treats for those as well, too, for their classes.

Please don't be that parent.

Time to move on….from sticker gate?

^^ this.

She didn't put it somewhere safe. Harsh lesson learned.

but I'd focus on achievement -well on whatever she did to earn it & how proud she must feel.

Also it's worth remembering not to bug the school about little things if you can avoid it - because when you need them to listen to you about something important, you don't want to have a reputation for being the demanding, pain-in-the-arse parent who they roll their eyes about. Harsh but true.

I can’t actually believe you emailed the school office over a lost sticker. Admittedly I’m pretty sure if I went and kicked up a fuss at my children’s school about a sticker they’d give me one, they’re lovely like that, but unless there are significant special needs involved I’d honestly be mortified to be bothering busy working people over a four year old’s sticker, however special. This is the sort of minor disappointment that children need to learn to deal with and the kind of trivial nonsense that school offices aren’t staffed to deal with.

It’s really not on to email a busy teacher about something so trivial. This is for you to sort out as a parent and manage your child’s expectations.

Yes the head might not have to peel the sticker off themself, but they’ve had to sit down to read and reply to a pretty pointless email from a parent.

Do you also think that when you email a company the CEO reads and responds? Bizarre

She didn't put it somewhere safe. Harsh lesson learned.

4 year olds don’t need to learn harsh lessons. They’ve been alive on this planet for under 5 years. They need compassion and understanding. If my school couldn’t give my child this I’d be moving them. Not over one sticker of course but if this was the general attitude.

I’m a school cleaner. I sometimes find little stickers while I’m hoovering so I pick them up and stick them to my t -shirt. Weirdly I feel more appreciated, though always a bit sad for the little person who lost it.
I found a purple one this weekend with ‘Excellent’ on it, made my day.

I can’t believe you emailed about this!

Yes she’s 4 but there’s nothing wrong with comforting her through the disappointment of losing a sticker…. Stickers lose their “stick”, that’s life! You can still make a fuss of her, and you should!

The reply wasn’t rude, just clear. It’s not mean. Honestly, they have more to do. School will be a long old poke….

I only change books on a set day a week. That's the allocated time for a staff member to do it. On other days they're doing different things. Children have to wait until the following week. It's not harsh, we're busy.

I rarely replace stickers either. I buy them myself so encourage the children to look after them and provide sellotape to hold them on. My money isn't endless.

Yes it's shit but hey, it's a sticker!

I’m always getting adverts for Well Done stickers from Shein. I don’t know why - my kids are in their twenties, and my husbands beyond teaching.

Anyway they’re cheap as anything - 500 stickers for £1.50 or really nice rosette looking ones 75p for 100. If mine were still little I might get a few rolls to give to their teachers as they shouldn’t have to pay from their own money. I always used to buy glue sticks, as they were like gold dust

🙄 I honestly wouldn't bother giving them in the first place then if you think it's OK to react like this to a parent asking for a one off replacement. The lesson about looking after the sticker etc can come later - I say again - she's 4 ffs.