To wonder if obesity is unattractive to most men?

[FlippertyFlopperty]

Since I've put on weight I barely get any attention from men. It's so unattractive isn't it? I'm feeling like I'll be single forever.

Does anyone have any experience of successfully meeting a significant other and being overweight?

My feeling is most men want someone who is fairly conventionally attractive and so people who fit that mould are liked by more men, they imagine what other men might think. On that basis, more men would prefer slim to normal size, and that's what they rate on the apps too. They are as fussed about weight as women are about height. Sime short men and obese women are attractive and do have lots of relationships, but all things being equal, people will pick the most socially desired thing out of a list. I think OLD is worse that real life for this as you don't see the whole package. I also think its different if the weight gain happens in the relationships, very few people leave over weight, but most of us end up overweight or obese by middle age, men even more than women.

When I was online dating I used to rate myself as normal weight even though I was just into overweight as I knew if I put overweight then probably half my matches would disappear. Men also can't judge overweight very well anyway and so I got a lot of matches and dated quite a bit. You are also asked age and height preferences and you can see if they wanted only women under their own age, I discounted anyone who wasn't prepared to date their own age.

I think it also depends on how you carry fat.

My hairdresser is a size 18 and is all tits and ass and gorgeous curves with relatively slim shoulders and waist.

Whereas when I'm a size 18, I'm like a solid block of lard with tree trunk limbs and no curves whatsoever.

No. I know for a fact...he has told me! That my brother likes bigger women. His ex was a 14-16 and he has dated (much) bigger.

When I was single I got told a couple of times on online dating that was too thin at size 8 to 10.

Everyone has their own preference.
How old are you OP?
From what I've seen men become less bothered about dating slimmer women as they get older.

I don't think I've written this well as I'm tired 🤣 hopefully you get the jist of it.

I think there are blurred lines here. If you were slim when you met your husband and then put on weight over the years it runs deeper. He loves you as a person and is attracted to you as that person he met even though you have got bigger. Had he met you at that size maybe he wouldn’t have had that initial attraction.
Then there are the people who don’t like that their partner has put on weight even though they still love them. The attraction is gone because their partner has changed and got fat and they didn’t start off with a fat person.
Then there are the people who actively seek out bigger partners because they are attracted to overweight people.
If you did a survey though I would bet that a vast majority of people are not attracted to obesity.
I also think you CANNOT control what attracts you physically to a person, you either fancy them or you do not. You can’t fix it. You can love them but not fancy them.
Fat means different things to different people though, what is fat to some is curvy to others.
I know for a fact if my husband put on a lot of weight I would not fancy him. I would love him
profusely but I would not be attracted to him on a sexual basis. That is not a decision I would make deliberately but rather something I have absolutely no control over.

I think that if you look healthy and your confortable in your own body you can definitely be attractive even though overweight. Obese perhaps not because you don't meet the health criteria. What I am 100% convinced of though is that most men would rather be with someone overweight than someone who is gaunt.

I got plenty of attention when I was a size 10, now I am a 16 I get avoided. Not even eye contact.

You obviously did not read "sarcastic" comment.

Perhaps a better question is "Is obesity unattractive to the opposite sex"? I don't consider myself shallow, but if a man is obese - more than 10-15 pounds overweight I don't date them. One has to remember: if someone is overweight while dating, they are not going to lose weight married.

The vast majority of men prefer slim women.

I couldn't date somebody who was obese. Sorry. I don't find it attractive at all. I eat very little and the amount of eating somebody would need to do to maintain that level of weight I would also find quite revolting, so we would be incompatible because of that as well. I don't need my prospective partners to be athletes but at least be healthy, fit and able etc. I wouldn't want somebody who couldn't go on long walks or horse riding etc.

I think most men prefer someone who is not overweight, but there are a lot of men that don’t care. My ex prefers heavier women and he’s short and slim . I met my first boyfriend when I was overweight. I noticed that men that are mid 40s and older seem less hung up on weight than younger men.

I think that is possibly true. But whether they would introduce her to their mates is a different matter.

The OP calls herself obese but hasn't elaborated on it.

If it's obese to the extent that you're barely able to walk, or your belly is hanging over your waist, then men are not going to find that attractive.

But there are a lot of men who like "a bit of meat" on their women too.

I think men can see past some things others can't.
Is this your opinion on yourself? Would you take the being single forever over not doing anything about it.
It seems to be damaging your MH

In my experience it has almost nothing to do with weight and almost everything to do with the person.

Someone vibrant and charismatic with hobbies and opinions and a good sense of humour will never be short of male attention.

People who are down on themselves, negative and who make their weight an issue put people off.

I know women who are around a size 22 who everyone gravitate to because they are fabulous people.

I spent a lot of my life being negative and insecure and I attracted the wrong sort of people.

I learnt to love myself and the amount of male attention didn't change but the quality of men did.

I have had everyone from bodybuilders to objectively stunning, successful men pursue me... Yes some men won't be attracted to overweight women no matter what... But there's a TON who are.

I think the majority of men in the UK would prefer a slim or average build partner. Some will overlook a partner being fatter than they would prefer. Some will be attracted to large women, to the point of fetishizing size in a few cases.

The majority of men will not be. There will be some men who are but the vast majority will not.

What is unattractive is a woman who is down on herself and lacks confidence.

This, all day long. Well said, @Azandme.

Have you considered "size up"? like them....would you?

It's about confidence. I can't imagine a man not showing at least some interest in an intelligent, funny, woman who was a good conversationalist.

Are you going off BMI though? Because I'm obese, exercise, lift weights, do regular 30-60 min spin classes
Just because I'm fat doesn't mean I'm totally unfit or sitting around stuffing myself with food

Some pictures to cheer you up. I could do this all night!

I think the poster was joking. I strongly suspect it was an exaggeration to make a point, but you and a couple of other posters took their comment seriously.

Anyway, OP. My friend is obese, beautiful and married to a male model who worships her.

Hopelessly unattractive (all dresses Selkie)