To wonder if obesity is unattractive to most men?

[FlippertyFlopperty]

Since I've put on weight I barely get any attention from men. It's so unattractive isn't it? I'm feeling like I'll be single forever.

Does anyone have any experience of successfully meeting a significant other and being overweight?

I've been both quite obese and significantly underweight during my lifetime. I get attention from about a size 6 - 12. From 14 upwards it's less and from 16 I'm invisible. This is my lived experience. It's not to do with confidence either because when I was getting bigger I didn't really realise I looked so different at the time (had a lot going on) and still thought I looked pretty great. Only now do I look at photos and realise I was far too big for my petite frame and it did not suit me at all. I was also younger when I was big and older now I'm slim but still get way more attention now.

I'm apparently 20 lbs overweight size 12/14 classed as obese, but I think I look good, and I get lots of attention from men. I'll carry on wearing shorts, thankyou.

I'm overweight and I don't have these issues.
Most men attracted to me prefer curvier ladies with a bust. Some men are not attracted to thinner women lacking curves.

I think most people, men and women, are attracted to people who are a healthy weight but there is the odd exception. I personally don’t find men with a belly attractive at all or men with big hips/bum. It’s partially for aesthetic reasons but also because of lifestyle reasons. Because I don’t like obese men I also watch my own weight. I think it’s quite common for most overweight/obese people to notice they get more attention when the have lost weight.

I'm the same. I don't like any excess fat on a man nor on me.

I was fat when I met my now husband. In 20 years I’ve been up and down the scales a few times and he’s never once indicated a preference for fat me or thin me but he’s never been able to keep his hands off me either way.

That said my boyfriend before I met DH finished with me because I had ‘piled on weight’ and I think I had a lucky escape from that shallow twat

Is it shallow to have physical preferences?

I fall into this category and yes, I do think most men find it unattractive - but an earlier poster was right when she said that confidence comes into it massively. However, I think a lot of people that size - myself included - are simply not that confident, and no doubt it shows. However, in my case I was told by two 'helpful' male friends that there's no point in me doing online dating as no man wants to date a 'big woman' - yes, mortifying and I still cringe at that conversation 10 years later. So I think I subconsciously gave up at that point and probably don't have the most clear-eyed view on the subject😆

I also think there's a big difference between starting a new relationship with an obese person, and a beloved partner slowly gaining weight over the duration of a relationship. I've gained weight over the course of a relationship and it wasn't an issue for my partner (so he said - we're no longer together so who knows) but I know that if I'd been that weight when we first laid eyes on each other, it would have been a very different story.

I think that, in general, anything that makes people look less healthy makes them look less physically attractive.

Being obese is not normally healthy (and I say that as someone who probably falls into that category!).

Having said that, people have different individual preferences, and also there's a lot more to attraction than immediate physical appearance. A guy who just catches sight of you across a pub might not think you're attractive, but the same guy who knows you quite well might start thinking you're gorgeous. Same thing with couples who have been together for a while. Maybe he's gone bald and she's put on some weight, but they still look at each other and see "that gorgeous person."

It’s only shallow (imo) if you refuse to date anyone other than a blonde, or only long haired women or only men with beards etc. You’re still allowed to have those preferences though

Of course its not shallow.

I’m sure there are plenty of men that are not put off by obesity. Ditto women.

Same here…I don’t find fat men attractive, nothing to do with being shallow and all to do with personal preference.

I've dated a few obese men, two with quite severe eating disorders (BED and bulimia). It wasn't their size that ultimately became unattractive, but everything else as a result of obesity. Couldn't walk far or fast (airports were a nightmare with the moaning and puffing), constant sweating in summer and grumpy about the heat, and everything revolved around food and what/where we were eating next. They were also pretty critical of me and jealous because of their own low self esteem, and it's tiring.

That said, the relationship I look back on most fondly and had the most fun of my life was also an obese man of 22st. If I was dating again I wouldn't dismiss it out of hand, but I'd be wary of signs of all the above. I actually think there are more eating disorders among men than we realise and it's a big cause of obesity. Women have hormones, PCOS etc as well as eating disorders, yet men can fall into a slippery slope where it's encouraged or expected to have big 'manly' portions and let's face it, aren't that used to self-deprivation and discipline much male entitlement - that's why when most men say they want to lose weight they hit the gym, but don't consider portion size as a first step. Seeing how my two ex's lives were completely dominated by food yet they thought it was normal was saddening.

It’s also totally fine to be shallow when deciding who you want to share body fluids with. “I don’t want to” is a perfectly acceptable reason. You don’t need anything deeper.

I would assume obesity is something that is overlooked when someone likes a person, as opposed to a preference (for most, appreciate there are always fetishes).

I've never been smaller than a size 16 and I've had numerous relationships, 5 marriage proposals and been married twice.

Both my sons are with big women.

Personality is far more important than size.

There’s being confident and wearing good fitting clothes that accentuate your best bits. Confident, attractive women who dress like they feel good look good.

I had a similar conversation recently with my husband whose response was that it is not so much about physical appearance but the behaviours, so if someone was obese but also lazy, inactive, lack of physical care, or greedy in conjunction, then it would be those traits that were the actual turnoff more-so than physical size.

If there were reasons such as disability, mental health or post baby weight still to shift, he would feel differently perhaps.

Just one male perspective, neither right nor wrong, but we are all different ultimately and find different people attractive for all sorts of reasons.

Yeah this. I don’t get the “it’s shallow” argument- we can’t help what we find attractive. I’ve had male friends in the past who were absolutely lovely, would have made great partners but I simply couldn’t make myself fancy them. I tried! They just didn’t do it for me. But both them and me deserved better than someone “trying” to find them attractive.

When I met my DH however, I felt like I’d been struck by lightning I was so attracted to him and we’ve been together 20 years.

So, some men will find overweight women incredibly sexy and some won’t. That’s just life- you aren’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea and that’s ok. I know plenty of very overweight women with adoring male partners.

I don’t know. I expect some do because people have different tastes.

I don’t find obese men attractive at all. I could be attracted to a man who is a bit overweight, but not obese. It suggests low self-esteem which I don’t find attractive. And purely on a physical level (call it shallow if you like), I’m quite turned off by it.

But there are women who like really big men, so presumably it works the same the other way round.

I think that @NeverDropYourMooncup wasn't being serious....

Yes for most people obesity is not attractive.

There are obviously some who do like it, but it's not 'most' men.
Most women do not find obese men attractive either.

It would be shallow to be with someone ONLY because of the way they look, and ignore their personality and character... or to fetishise someone with a particular physical characteristic with little thought to the person inside the body.
However.. I don't think it's shallow to enjoy someone's friendship because of their personality, but not want to have sex with them, if you just don't fancy them. For a lot of people (not all) the "fancy" bit depends on the presence or absence of some physical trait; but it's not the same set of traits for everyone, thank goodness!

Confidence and radiance will always be far more attractive than dress size.

I am currently petite but have been all sizes. Confidence is the answer.