To wonder if obesity is unattractive to most men?

[FlippertyFlopperty]

Since I've put on weight I barely get any attention from men. It's so unattractive isn't it? I'm feeling like I'll be single forever.

Does anyone have any experience of successfully meeting a significant other and being overweight?

Don't think its the excess weight itself. I think it's the self consciousness and lack of confidence that many overweight women have that is unattractive.

Yes, as I said, some men still find their wives attractive if they put weight on, but some men don't. If they marry them say, at a size 8 with a 25 inch waist, they've only got to go to a size 10 or 12 with a 29-31 inch waist and they think of them as fat.

Luckily my husband has always fancied me, and being attracted to me, and has always found me really pretty and attractive and sexy. (His words!) Even when I was 14 to 15 stone ... At that weight I think I'm hideous - but he still thinks I'm attractive.

I really hate him touching me when I'm that fat though, because I feel so self conscious ... I. feel much better at 12 stone or less. I'm really happy at about 11 stone to be honest - 5 ft 4. (Currently 11 stone 11!) He's never been slim either. He's always been 2 to 3 stone overweight and has a dad bod. But I'm very happy with that and I fancy him as much as he fancies me. 😍

Depends on the man. I've been a 4 and a 16 whilst married to the same man. For health reasons he wishes I could gain some but he loves me regardless.

Pretty much nailed it there @kitsuneghost

I know a few 'bigger girls' like size 18-22, who seem to be quite happy fat. They dress nice, they do their hair and make up nice, and they glow and look really good. (They may look better slimmer but they look good overweight.) And they don't seem to be short of male attention. They are the exception rather than the rule though. Men are not usually attracted to fat women. (And I say that as someone who has spent around half my adult life 3-4 stone overweight. So I am honestly not being horrible.)

It's not shallow to have preferences when choosing a partner.

Have you dated many morbidly obese men?

I've been thin and fat - I got plenty of attention at sizes 10 to 16, but none now I'm 18/20 and my self-esteem has plummeted.

My DH is a big lad but I still find him attractive because it's him, his appearance doesn't affect me (although he's very handsome and rugged and always smells amazing). His belly doesn't matter to me unless he becomes self-conscious about it, so I think PPs are right...it's mostly about confidence when it comes to attraction.

Been obese my whole life, never had a problem. Often had multiple men on the go at the same time, all of them average weight.

I met and married my DH (healthy weight) while obese and have had plenty of male attention but I wasn't morbidly obese - heaviest 14.5 stone. I also know I limited who was attracted to me by my weight. Of course plenty of people aren't attracted to obese people. I am not!

My exH has a thing for overweight-obese women now. When I put on weight he used to say there was more to love I'm just glad I don't have to worry about him crawling back.

I don't find obese or overweight men particularly attractive but if I knew them and their personality then that would change how I saw them iyswim. However my ex was obese and I ended things with him in part due to his unhealthy lifestyle and he dropped dead of a massive heart attack earlier this year at 50. He was killing himself slowly and I couldn't bear to see someone I love doing that to themselves. I see obesity and think there's huge emotional, health, lifestyle and food issues that I personally don't want to have to deal with in a relationship.

It’s not shallow to have aesthetic preferences - it’s just important not to be an ass about it.

Biologically we’re wired to find fit / lean / healthy bodies attractive. Social conditioning + familiarity obviously also shapes our attraction template. In terms of both reproductive health and western culture - slimmer bodies are more often considered attractive. That doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of people with a preference for larger bodies or with no preference at all.

I don’t think it’s a shallow thing that I’m not attracted to obese men, or men who couldn’t jog up the stairs without getting out of breath. Any more than I’m not attracted to women or to men who can’t string a sensible sentence together. Everyone is entitled to a politely expressed preference.

OP realistically there will be plenty of people attracted to / interested in your body. It’s ok for those people to be different to the ones who are attracted to slimmer bodies

As a man larger women can be very attractive, but if you are wearing too small leggings, a top that's too tight and emphasise the tummy, perhaps showing an inch of two.at the bottom, a bar that's too small and looks like you have 4 breasts then no.
Even if you are larger, taking care of yourself, nice flattering hair style, nails, good well.fitting clothes showing that you are confident in who you are makes you attractive....the same is true for everyone if you don't love yourself how can you expect anyone else to love you.

And here's the truth, men like curves, we like lumps and bumps.

Like PPs have said, I don’t think it’s weight per se that is attractive or unattractive, but it gives you a clue about health/outlook. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who didn’t enjoy being outside, wouldn’t be interested in long walks, etc so I’m unlikely to be attracted to someone who is very overweight as they’re likely to have different priorities and interests to ne.

I’m an 18-20 and have never struggled for male attention.

I definitely look objectively better when slimmer but it takes a huge amount of effort for me to stay there. I’m active, fit and cook from scratch every day, but I have PCOS and even looking at a piece of cake makes me gain 5lbs. Life is too short to watch what I eat every day just to stay slim. It’s just not that important to me.

I do have a strong preference for bigger men in my dating life, though. I wouldn’t want to date a man who was going to the gym every day and boring on about his macros!

There's layers to it, I think.

There's the superficial question of finding someone who's obese physically attractive (or not). I think there's someone for everyone in that respect.

But there's also the questions around why they're obese. Obviously there are health issues and medications that can cause weight gain, or physical ailments/disabilities that prevent people from exercising...

But let's be honest, a lot of people will see an actually obese person and think lazy/greedy in the first instance. And if someone is lazy/greedy to the detriment of their own body/health, what other aspects of life do those traits extend to?

And even looking past all that to the long term, starting a family, growing old...are you happy to deal with the health problems that are certain to come later in life with an obese person?

I don't think it's necessarily a right or fair way to judge people, but I also think - if we're being completely truthful - we do all make those judgements, and probably should when it comes to something as important as a relationship.

I expect someone has already said this (haven’t read the whole thread) but there can be big differences in how women carry extra weight- less so for men I think- and this will have an impact on how desirable their body is to others. So some women will be carrying a lot of fat but if it’s mostly around the bust and hips, they might retains something of a hourglass shape, which will be attractive to more men I think.

I am a ‘straight up and down’ shape- small bust and hips, wide waist- so I’m at my most attractive when I maintain good muscle mass and low fat % for an overall athletic appearance. And of course that isn’t attractive to all men, but is more attractive than overweight me, because overweight me still doesn’t have an hourglass shape- just a thick waist and round tummy with small boobs and hips! So I think some women can ‘get away with’ having more fat on their bodies if it’s in the ‘right’ places!

I think you misunderstood

I’m a bit overweight and have never had trouble finding a man. My dress size has fluctuated between 12-16 for years.

I guess it depends on how big you are. I wouldn’t find an obese man attractive to be honest. My DH and I are both overweight at the moment. I still find him attractive.

I believe this is very unfortunately the case. Not all men of course but there are enough misogynistic d*heads out there.

Also men often have a higher opinion of their own looks than reality so can be wayyyy more judgmental than they really should be.

One thing that stands out to me in this thread is posters saying that they look after themselves or don’t like being overweight. Being overweight can often be the result of medication or endocrine issues. I don’t think there are many women who want to be a bigger size.

I'm short so I'm obese at 10 and a half stone and a size 12

All I've ever had is men trying to chat me up, whether I'm a size 8 or a size 20.

That's not ego, it's just men would (try to) shag anything 🤷‍♀️

I was a size 20 when I met my DH. 3 years after we got married, I went on a health kick and went down to a size 8.

That was 15 years ago, I still don't think he noticed!

In general, men prefer thinner women

😂

It was a really shit joke, I dont think I misunderstood did I?

I would say most don't find obese women attractive. A bit overweight yes but not huge (both men and women
I think it's also different when it's a partner you've already been with a while and love putting on weight

To be fair though, far more people are overweight and to a much greater now than pre-Internet.