AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.

[MumofHennHals]

My mother in law ( mother of the groom ) has sent me a picture of the dress she ordered today, asking for 'honest opinion on if it's appropriate'

However when I gave honest opinion, she didn't like it and is rejecting anything I say.

We are getting married in August, in Spain... the very is a very citrus sevillian orange feel...

I've decorated it with bright orange flowers, grape fruits, my bridesmaids are a creamy yellow, my husband to be will be in beige as will his groomsmen, my father and his father.

His mum has decided to wear a black dress, similar shape to mine WITH A TRAIN!!!!!!!

Am I wrong in saying 'can we keep it a little more summery, light and shaped less BRIDAL?'

I don't mind what other guests wear but she will be in a lot of the family group official photos, I've put a lot of thought in my wedding colour palette to want the photos to be vibrant.

I know MN hates wedding talk and I'll probably be slagged off - but hey ho, ultimately AIBU? I'm so chilled in every other wedding aspect.

I simply told my MIL that wearing black implies she's against the marriage which she profusely denied and she ended up wearing a beautiful silvery grey dress instead.

My brother and his wife got married in Seville in August, it was absolutely stunning. It was also still 29 degrees at 4am 😬

Basically she loves it and she's decided to keep it regardless of what you say

She will be horribly hot in black in Spain in August!

It really doesn't matter.
And I hate it when people precede their unkind comments with 'kindly, .....'

My MIL asked what she shouldn't wear, I said "anything, as long as it isn't bright orange". Guess what colour her trousers were.

I just ignored my MIL TBH and let her get on with it. You've told your MIL your thoughts, there's not much else you can do.

Explain that it's a lovely dress but not appropriate for your wedding due to the casual, summery vibe rather than a more formal evening one.

Maybe it's cultural but unless it's a "black and white" wedding, it's not appropriate for anyone to wear black. Even Groomsmen usually wear grey shades unless it's a very formal occasion.

Explain that MotG usually should wear a suit in a pastel shade or a dress and jacket. Having explained mine could wear anything except pale blue, she turned up in pale blue having put my teen SIL in a white wedding dress 🤦‍♀️. Yes, people did ask me if she'd not got the memo.

Wearing black would suggest she doesn't approve of the wedding to guests. And the dress you showed us is a Wedding Dress as some people like marrying in black. Wearing an ostentatious dress means she'll look ridiculous and be an object of ridicule at the wedding. And it's also shocking how much people spill drinks down stuff like that! I'd still be explaining that she'll look a bit odd - it's a lovely dress - but again, it's not a MotG dress. It's a party dress for a formal occasion. She needs to buy a dress and jacket or suit.

I don't dislike the dress but it will look weird at a hot Spanish wedding when everyone else is wearing bright colours.

Exactly this. Give her a clear choice rather than going on about a 'colour palette' (which is a bit much, for many Brits at a wedding IMO).

But I showed my 13 yo DS "the dresz" and he guffawed. So even those with a very, very (very!) basic understanding of social etiquette can get their head round the fact that a Strictly standard dress in black isn't reeeeeeally MOG material!

Good luck staying relaxed about option 2 tho

The dress is most definitely not mother of the groom style. Far from it. The new choice is also black. Can she not pick a nice summer dress? Probably wrong season to look right now

Sorry to disagree but......It is YOUR wedding, you have every right to dictate anything to do with the close wedding party including attire. My daughters colour scheme was taken into consideration when myself and the grooms mom chose outfits and we checked in with her approval too. Black at a wedding has always been controversial unless a definiate black tie wedding. Set boundaries now or you will find her undemining you in the future.

Maybe she wants to wear black because it’s slimming, or she has hot flashes and sweat marks won’t show.

Lord, what is she thinking. There are very, very few 65 year olds who would look amazing in that dress and they’re usually on the red carpet at the Oscars.

I mean at least you might get some free entertainment when she gets up for the first dance and does the paso doble

Is your mother in law Spanish? The Madrinas (mothers) wear formal dress, They may also wear a mantilla veil with a high comb (peineta). For madrinas, the mantilla is traditionally black.

It's not supposed to be in keeping with yours - your the bride ffs. If anything she should be co ordinating outfits with your mum.

I’d never wear black to a wedding so also wrong on that level too

I know you said you get on OP, but she's sending you a message by wearing black, especially after you've said your preference.

Yes, no one dictates what people wear, but most people don't need explaining that certain colours are not cool.

A friend wore a red dress to my wedding, with cleavage spilling out. Didn't think much during the wedding until looking back at the photos, it was jarring.

Black will stand out for all the wrong reasons.

I was wondering this too, sort of thing I'd do lol , but guess it depends on the relationship between the Motner in law and daughter in law

Who on earth thinks it's OK to wear a black dress to a wedding???

I've just seen the dresses. Why so slinky and glam on your wedding day? Can't she wear pastels and fade into the background like most MILs/MOBs do at their daughters' weddings? I wouldn't dream of wearing something so sexy to a wedding.

Maybe she Googled Spanish wedding guest attire? Or Continental wedding attire?
Where I grew up, weddings don't have to be before late afternoon, most guests come to the church wedding in long dresses, and in glamorous evening dresses.
Perhaps only in England have we a daytime wedding requirement, made to try and protect heiresses being swayed into marriage after a few glasses of fizzy. Possibly a Georgian idea.

Had no idea red was a wedding faux pas too! Breasts wouldn't bother me either - and I'm pretty flat chested.

The new alternative is still ridiculous, she will be a laughing stock. What is wrong with this woman?

I very much hope that she won’t be a laughing stock. The OP describes her as tall and slim - I expect her upper arms are still in good shape. Maybe she really likes herself in black.

I would look terrible in either dress but perhaps this woman will look elegant in the second dress.

Black with a train? Is she mourning, because you're marrying her son? Absolutely no go! And same goes for white!