AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.

[MumofHennHals]

My mother in law ( mother of the groom ) has sent me a picture of the dress she ordered today, asking for 'honest opinion on if it's appropriate'

However when I gave honest opinion, she didn't like it and is rejecting anything I say.

We are getting married in August, in Spain... the very is a very citrus sevillian orange feel...

I've decorated it with bright orange flowers, grape fruits, my bridesmaids are a creamy yellow, my husband to be will be in beige as will his groomsmen, my father and his father.

His mum has decided to wear a black dress, similar shape to mine WITH A TRAIN!!!!!!!

Am I wrong in saying 'can we keep it a little more summery, light and shaped less BRIDAL?'

I don't mind what other guests wear but she will be in a lot of the family group official photos, I've put a lot of thought in my wedding colour palette to want the photos to be vibrant.

I know MN hates wedding talk and I'll probably be slagged off - but hey ho, ultimately AIBU? I'm so chilled in every other wedding aspect.

at that price, I doubt it. they'll just have used the measurements to pick the closest off the rack size.

Could this possibly be a joke?

My MIL ordered a dress in the one colour she was told not to go for as it was the colour of my bridesmaids. What colour dress did she order??? Yep! My DH didn’t mess about, he simply told her she couldn’t wear it and was told that was the one colour to avoid. Thankfully she did.

Omg just seen the photo!!! That’s terrible OP. Definitely get your DO to speak to his mum. That’s not fair x

O.M.G.😳That dress is literally a wedding dress dyed black. If I saw a groom’s mum in that,my first thought would be she feels like she’s actually the bride that’s in mourning for the loss of ‘her boy’ or something.🙄
It is verrrrry upstaging. The fact she admitted out loud: ‘I wanted a dress that’s in the same style as yours’ (whaaat - the bride’s?!?) is just bonkers.
I was amazed when you said you get on really well because that doesn’t fit with what’s happened here at all,I was expecting a MIL-from-hell backstory!🙈I hope your fiancé can make her see sense and you have a lovely wedding. Congratulations in advance.

Hi MIL, it’s totally inappropriate to choose a dress for the wedding that is “in keeping” or “similar style” to the bride’s. I’m thrilled that you’re looking forward to the wedding etc, but it’s totally inappropriate to buy a wedding dress style outfit as a guest, and I’m requesting that you don’t wear it. I hope you understand.

Or get your DP to say/send something along those lines.

Christ on a bike, I had already posted a comment basically saying you can’t dictate style or colour but I had an image of a black cocktail dress not a full length ballgown. She is well out of order. Can’t your husband-to-be speak to her? Show her this thread? Does she have a sister or some sane person who could tell her she will be an inappropriate laughing stock if she tips up in this?

Since they get on well and MIL's into fashion, I'm assuming it must be!
If not ...

I'm sorry your MIL doesn't 'get it' (like some other posters). This is a really important day for you and yes, most weddings have a colour theme. It may have been mentioned before, but is there an option she can change into that dress (which is stunning and I'm gobsmacked that she thinks its appropriate, even if it was pink!) for the reception - perhaps say that black attracts the heat and she will be uncomfortable and perhaps something more summery is better.

You say you have a really good relationship with her, so I think you should be able to say exactly how you feel about it, sit her down and speak nicely but in the end she's going to do what she wants.

I do also think your fiancé should have a chat with her, providing he understands your feelings. Good luck.
Congratulations on getting married, I hope you have a fabulous day - whatever she wears, you may just have to mentally prepare yourself.

If she insists on that dress, uninvite her without hesitation.

I can't believe anyone doesn't realize that it's a massive faux pas to wearing a wedding dress to someone else's wedding fgs.

It's a wedding dress for goodness sake.

If your MIL and FIL planned to turn up to your wedding wearing, respectively, an inflatable t-rex costume and a gimp suit, do you think you might have a quiet word and tell them not to?

There's dictating what people wear and there's asking someone not to wear something wildly inappropriate.

Your dp needs to tell her mum mothers of the groom wear dramatic black to indicate they are in mourning for the loss of their precious son now the evil bitch he’s marrying has taken him. That might not be what you think, but it’s what all our friends will think when they see it. Please can you wear a colour, not white obviously. Thank you.

You were not wrong to give an honest opinion when asked for it, though hopefully you have it politely.

I know black it very not traditional (and seems odd given it’s definitely going to be a summery vibe wedding) however I accept that some people aren’t very comfortable wearing colour and may want a dress they can wear again. However a train is really not on at a wedding.

I did say it was ott, it is there in the post that you quoted.

My point is like it or loathe it you cannot tell guests what they can wear. All the 'colour palette' posts make me cringe more than the black evening dress.

No, I haven't had a blow to the head recently what an unpleasant thing to say.

Ah. Have seen the dress and everything I thought previously is out of the window. No, she shouldn't wear that. Everyone will think she's a flamenco dancer in mourning for...well, something...or the Wicked Fairy from Sleeping Beauty. Someone needs to gently tell her that it's a no-no and she will look silly.

She has apologised profusely and said 'I wanted it to be in keeping with yours' - yes summery perhaps and not a bridal dress.

She's given me an alternative, while it still doesn't flow with how hot and sunny it will be, it's a beautiful dress.

Thanks

It is indeed beautiful - v much like my evening wedding dress. 😂 I think this is probably as good as it's gonna get though OP.

The second is very nice. I get that it doesn’t match your colour scheme but now is the time to be gracious.

Still not ideal 🥴 but pick your battles and leave it be
“…. does it come in yellow?” Might be a step to far 😬

Can't understand why she wants to be in keeping with yours. However, the second option is fine.

Phew! Much better. I wouldn't agonise over the colours, I had a summer wedding with citrus-ish theme (orange flowers, orange slices for place name) but people wearing dark colours isn't a disaster. In fact if everyone turns up in beige and yellow it would likely look a lot worse. I know a girl who married abroad in a summery wedding and the groom wore a very formal black morning suit - it looked great. She may also change her mind as it gets closer. Drawing into winter the shops are full of dark colours, velvet and sequins. In June she may have a change of heart.

Doesn't this still have a train though?!

And it’s an evening dress. Does she like to get a spray tan before going away bc black on pale skin on a sunny day isn’t the most flattering of looks, but it’s her choice.

Aren't you worried that this is all very identifying? I wouldn't dream of putting my mils choice of outfit on a forum for all to snigger at.

I get it was very glam and not inkeepimg with the style you were after but do try and show a bit of grace and tolerance. Also hope that no one gets wind of this and passes it on to her or she will be deeply hurt and humiliated.

That still screams inappropriate + "I have issues with this wedding".