AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.

[MumofHennHals]

My mother in law ( mother of the groom ) has sent me a picture of the dress she ordered today, asking for 'honest opinion on if it's appropriate'

However when I gave honest opinion, she didn't like it and is rejecting anything I say.

We are getting married in August, in Spain... the very is a very citrus sevillian orange feel...

I've decorated it with bright orange flowers, grape fruits, my bridesmaids are a creamy yellow, my husband to be will be in beige as will his groomsmen, my father and his father.

His mum has decided to wear a black dress, similar shape to mine WITH A TRAIN!!!!!!!

Am I wrong in saying 'can we keep it a little more summery, light and shaped less BRIDAL?'

I don't mind what other guests wear but she will be in a lot of the family group official photos, I've put a lot of thought in my wedding colour palette to want the photos to be vibrant.

I know MN hates wedding talk and I'll probably be slagged off - but hey ho, ultimately AIBU? I'm so chilled in every other wedding aspect.

Glad she has come to her senses (somewhat)

Why? It’s pretty much exactly what the mother of the bride wore at the last wedding I attended, this past summer, though I think very dark green, not black. And this MoB was very enthusiastic about the marriage.

She's very set on having a long black gown. This might be as good as it's going to get in that case. Wonder if this is the one she wanted all along, and showed you the wedding dress as a way of getting you to approve this second dress - only joking 😄 Hope you all have a wonderful day. It sounds like it will be beautiful.

Not sure if this has already been said but I might get someone to suggest to her that the other guests will laugh at her as a) a black dress will look like she’s in mourning (losing her son to another woman) and b) a dress that looks anything like a wedding dress will look like she’s trying to upstage the bride which will get comments and sniggering behind her back… if they care about her I imagine they won’t want her to go through that?

@MumofHennHals
What did she wear to previous weddings? is she someone who is clueless or attention seeky?

It wouldn't be my choice to a summer wedding, the first is way over the top and the second is nice but more for an evening ball or something. Especially unsuitable for a 65 year old in broad daylight!

But obviously no one will laugh at or snigger about what the mother of the groom is wearing. Firstly, they won't notice, secondly, they won't care, and thirdly, they are adults with normal manners and respect for the parents of the groom. Unless all the guests are 10 year old boys and even then 1 and 2 would still apply.

I've been to probably 50 weddings and the only time I noticed what anyone except the bride and myself had on, was when my mum was mother of the groom and had an identical dress to one of the guests - and then only because my mum kept talking about it. I doubt anyone else noticed

I wouldn't get so worked up about what people wear and what photos look like

My thinking is now, the 2nd dress is what she wanted to wear, and knew it wasn't really what you would be hoping she'd wear, so she showed you the first one, so that, in comparison the 2nd one isn't nearly so bad.

I do think black is for funerals and not weddings, so if someone like the mother of the groom chooses to wear black to a wedding it could be seen as a poetic dig..

However in this case I'd let it go as she's agreed to change from the other dress with a train which is the main thing.

I think it’s right that you were completely honest & she did ask you so it wasn’t uncalled for. What she is wearing does sound inappropriate to be honest, but not much else you can do

WHAT!!? No, she can't wear that.

That second dress still has a train and is inappropriate imo? Floor length is absolutely acceptable but even an inch past the floor? Nope.

If I went to a wedding and the mother of the groom was wearing that I know what I’d be thinking.

That's definitely not appropriate for a wedding guest much less MOTG.

Is she in mourning and wishes she was getting married?

It's a bit odd.

Much better

Get the photographer to stick her at the of the photo's so she can easily be removed or photo shopped out of them..
She will will look stupid dressed like that and if it's warm she will sweat buckets and smell.
Ask her if that's what she wears to a wedding what does she wear to funerals ?

Not a fair comment, stick shoe on the other foot and surely MIL can see that a relationship with her DIL is more important than her desire to fab it up at a young woman’s wedding.

Relationship building is a 2-way street and we owe it to younger women to validate them just as much as we’d have loved to be validated in our own time.

OP - it sucks but my sense is there ain’t much you can do about it, with it being someone else’s choice ergo out of your control. Just breathe through it.

😂

Let her choose her own dress

If she wants a black dress, that's entirely her choice

I don't personally think the dress is right for the occasion but that's on her

How often do you think you will look at the photos? Stop obsessing over it

It's like a flamenco dancer in mourning

The second one is nice though

My first thought! 🤣

Tell your husband to be she isn’t invited if she insists on wearing that.
She won’t be in any wedding photos you are in and make sure photographer knows it or they don’t get paid.

Honesty, she will look mental all by herself. You won't need to do a thing. Let her wear the dress 😂

MIL is already trying to assert her authority and if she gets away with it at wedding the husband will do nothing and MIL will then feel entitled to interfere in the marriage any time she wants.

Sorry that’s still inappropriate in my opinion. True self is coming out op

Colour palette 😂
Honestly, people lose their minds.
I couldn't be arsed going to a wedding with a colour palette.