AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.

[MumofHennHals]

My mother in law ( mother of the groom ) has sent me a picture of the dress she ordered today, asking for 'honest opinion on if it's appropriate'

However when I gave honest opinion, she didn't like it and is rejecting anything I say.

We are getting married in August, in Spain... the very is a very citrus sevillian orange feel...

I've decorated it with bright orange flowers, grape fruits, my bridesmaids are a creamy yellow, my husband to be will be in beige as will his groomsmen, my father and his father.

His mum has decided to wear a black dress, similar shape to mine WITH A TRAIN!!!!!!!

Am I wrong in saying 'can we keep it a little more summery, light and shaped less BRIDAL?'

I don't mind what other guests wear but she will be in a lot of the family group official photos, I've put a lot of thought in my wedding colour palette to want the photos to be vibrant.

I know MN hates wedding talk and I'll probably be slagged off - but hey ho, ultimately AIBU? I'm so chilled in every other wedding aspect.

It sounds like a very strange choice for mother of the groom, especially considering the location etc. Everyone will be wondering who's the mad woman dressed as a crow.

Hey look, I haven't got past page 1. How many PPs have already said she will look like a goth Miss Havisham?

I know. What I mean is it wouldn't occur to me to be bothered by what anyone wore when I got married. My mum asked me to go shopping with her but in the end bought an outfit she saw without me. The dress in this situation is OTT and I'm hoping the MIL to be is very slim and tall to carry it off. Would I choose it as MOG? No. Would I object to my MIL wearing it if suited her? Also no.

As a photographer, black in a brightly coloured wedding can be a nightmare for group shots.

How so?

yeah, wearing a wedding dress dyed black used to be a big mourning thing. it seems like that's the vibe she's going for.

I've got one, and seen a few. usually just a small, puddle train. they're not very practical for general stuff, but I'd not wear mine to a wedding.

Would you not object if your MIL wore a black version of your wedding dress?

I think that dress may look beautiful on her and I can see that it has a sort of Spanish-flamenco vibe. Have you tried saying the kind of colours you envisioned her wearing and that you don't want her to feel uncomfortable by jarring? What has she worn to her other sons' weddings?

I don't generally approve of telling wedding guests what to wear or colour codes. Honestly, you'll have a few wedding photos that you want on display and they'll probably be just you and the groom.

She wanted a dress in keeping with yours with the same style - ?!!! She is not the fucking bride!!! Serious lack of awareness or wish to be centre of attention/weird mother son relationship going on there it seems

Just reposting the pic of the actual black wedding dress in question for those who’ve missed it

She's pulling a Raquel Welch. She will be the talk of the wedding as people will assume that she either a) doesn't approve of the marriage, b) wants to be the centre of attention or c) she's got no clue about what is appropriate for the MOTG.

My exMIL wore a cream day dress to mine and although it didn't bother me I was amazed at how much people were talking about how rude it was. A black wedding dress will be talked about for years.

it's beautiful, but it's absolutely too much for someone else's wedding. that's not even a small and subtle train. maybe suggest she wears something else for the ceremony and changes into it for the evening do.

Good grief. How old is this lady and does she have the figure and the style to carry this off? She'll be the talk of the wedding. It's an - um - unusual choice but if she's determined to wear it, best just smile and roll with it.
(I can't help wondering if when she attends a Christening she wears a lace bonnet and shawl, or if when she goes to a funeral, she turns up in a shroud...)

The bride at every wedding, and the corpse at every funeral

Ive been thinking about this

The fact she asked you means she KNOWS it is totally inappropriate and was trying to force you into a corner to say you like it. Manipulative cow

I would text and say “the fact it is black seems to be quite a statement about how you feel about the wedding even though you may not realise that is how it will be interpreted. Also I wouldn’t have thought I would have to stipulate “no trains” for guests. That is reserved for the bride. I’m more than happy to help you find an alternative dress”

I would NOT beat around the bush here

comparing her to a beautiful and glamorous character isn't really going to put her off.

Yep, wearing a black wedding dress to somebody else’s wedding is basically shouting “it should have been me! Not her, MEEEEE!”

Which is a troubling message to hear from the groom’s mum.

If OP hadn’t mentioned she’s fairly fashion conscious or in-style I’d have been more sympathetic and guessed she was twinning with her DIL out of insecurity, as there will be someone wearing something similar so she knows it will be acceptable and won’t stand out - this is weird anyway but understandable if it is another guest- only, she WILL stand out bc the person she’s copying is the bloody bride! Unbelievable. She’ll look like such an idiot. This is not the attire for someone who does not wish to be in the spotlight. To attempt to upstage the bride who she supposedly gets one well with is unforgivable, but she may feel she can get away with this for that reason.

Yeah. In the 1940s.

It would appear she would stick out like a sore thumb maybe she wants to stand out? very rude imo the dress is very bridal and because its black will draw attention directly to her instead of you in photos. Tell her to lighten up... literally and yes definitely not glamor gran something a bit less bridal or maybe get ur soon to be husband to have a word

Bullshit. I'm Spanish, have attended more weddings in Spain I can count with both my hands, and this dress the opposite of "traditional" for the mother of a groom in Spain.

If the wedding is in the evening, the MOB and MOG, can wear a long dress but not this style, and certainly not black.

As another poster said, your MIL is going to wear a black wedding dress, placing her at the centre of the attention as the wedding colours will be cream. You say you have a good relationship with her but be careful, this looks to me as a passive aggressive power play.

Absolutely not. This is a job for your DP. He needs to tell her to find another dress or she doesn’t come. Job done imo.

My MIL was a nightmare when planning my wedding. I directed it all to DP who had to handle it.

I actually love this idea! Could you change the attendants' dresses to this style in juicy oranges, yellows & greens?

Your bridal party will look breathtaking and MIL will look like the 'citrus bride' that's gone bad 😄

this is a very good point. at that price, the picture is the one they're copying on the cheap, not the one they're actually selling. chances are it will be disappointing, probably poor quality, maybe even coming apart when it arrives.
don't get me wrong, I know someone that got married in a Chinese ebay dress that cost about £100. it was actually lovely. but when you buy such things you shouldn't be under any illusion you're actually getting the one in the picture. they use the marketing images of the dress they're copying, on a much smaller budget.
they tend to use a lot less material, so the chances are the train won't be as dramatic, even if it is good enough to wear.

there's a good chance it will show up and she'll buy something different, or that if she does think it's wearable, it won't be as bridal as expected.