To tell family member that her husband is sending me nudes?

[5FeetToBeExact]

Hi all,

I'll preface this by saying DH's family are very toxic. This couple for this thread are his god parents and also his uncle (blood) and aunt (through marriage.)

They've always overstepped, been overly involved and just a pain in the arse. But I always kept it polite, kept up with the once a year visit and that was that. They are all heavy drinkers and a few of the family are alcoholics, so it's not something we really enjoy being around but I leave that to DH mostly.

A few years back I completely pulled back as I felt uncomfortable. DH's uncle sent me a picture of his shrivelled 60 year old dick. Waist down. He then quickly said 'sorry that wasn't for you.' I messaged him back saying please don't ever send me anything like that again. He proceeded to delete the image, and said 'no, I'll leave the rest to your imagination ;)'. I then said 'be glad I didn't see it.' I did, I just didn't want him to know that. He then offered to send it again so I could get another look. I then blocked him and haven't heard from either of them since.

I told my DH who was furious. We kept it to ourselves as the family are big drinkers and can do no wrong.

I received a call last night, with a furious aunt on the phone. Saying how selfish we are not to facilitate a relationship with them and our 4 year old DD. That I am selfish, I manipulate everybody and that I have taken their precious god son and nephew away. I was aghast at some of the things they said, but I ended the call and told them not to contact me again. DH has gone apeshit and has my back completely.
His stance is to send her the screenshots or the messages, with a short 'this is why we aren't comfortable around all of you, as well as the alcohol' and block. I am tempted to do this, as the names I were called last night and the things said were unforgivable. I would also want to know if I was her that her husband was sending dick pics to people 40 years his junior!

AIBU to send the messages and be done? Or is this asking for trouble? At advice please. Thank you!

More ignorant nonsense from you. Mankind does not "continually" say that. The Mankind website actually states:

• 21% of male victims (2022/23) fail to tell anyone they are a victim of partner abuse – which is big improvement as previously it was 49% in 2017/18. The figures for female victims are 18.2% (2022/23) and 19% (2017/18. (ONS 2022/23).

Under-reporting of DV has always been an issue for female victims - there's no reason why this should be any different for male victims. And as the latest available stat's for 2022/23 above show, under-reporting for both sexes is closely similar.

@5FeetToBeExact
"It's our first Christmas together in ages, as I've had a long cancer battle and spent the last 2 Christmas days in hospital and before that traipsing to various family members. So taking aside shitty family, I'm so grateful I'm here for us all celebrate a quiet Christmas this year. :) "
I'm so sorry you've been through this OP (particularly with a young DD) and am so glad that the three of you can have a happy family Christmas liberated from the demands of your DH's extended family (and all your future Christmases too!). I was appalled by their behaviour even before you revealed your cancer battle, but to learn they've treated you like this in spite of your health issues really tells us all we need to know about them - they're absolute SCUM.

Do me a favour and read the fucking room will ya

@AngelicKaty thank you! It's been a long slog to say the least (battling on and off since 2017) but I'm here to tell the tale. When I had my long hospital admissions, I never heard from that side of the family. They never once supported us, called, came to visit. So it really is incredibly shallow of them to assume rights to DD. Who thankfully has no idea who they are and wouldn't recognise them in the street.

I am very impressed by my ring doorbell though, it makes me feel a bit safer especially when DH is at work and I'm here on my own with DD!

Also, I don't know why my thread has been made about men and them being victims of domestic abuse. But JFC, are we not allowed to have anything without thinking of the menz!

Also, I don't know why my thread has been made about men and them being victims of domestic abuse. But JFC, are we not allowed to have anything without thinking of the menz!

And she has been too busy responding to 999 calls to go round there. She is allocating some time over the next few days to try and make contact.

She had time to make a social services referral about you, though? Sounds like she needs some time management training.

@5FeetToBeExact - much empathy… Have spent much of this year in and out of my medical “holiday home” with heart failure. I have made it clear to cousins that I will not be hosting elderly aunties or uncles to clear their conscience simply because I live closer. I shall be spending it with my lovely DH and kids - including one who is travelling home to see her old mum. Our lovely dog died two weeks ago and we need family time together without opinionated, right-wing, old people to have to tolerate.
Mumsnet has been invaded by male apologists and quite a few actual men. (Not casting aspersions in this particular instance, but they’re lurking on some of the boards - often prefaced by “Man here”…. chiming in with yet another super valuable opinion. Just why?)

Bloody hell OP.
After all you have been through he sends you that?
Christ, what scum he and his wife are.
Well done for telling people the truth.
There is also something when retelling something like this that has been directly reported to the police, that lends a massive probability of truth to it.
Good to say "it is now in the hands of the police as we reported it immediately."

Pity the police have been so dreadful inbtheir response.

Mind yourself and try not to stress.

Good for you putting your health and your immediate family first.

I'm increasingly convinced that we have some men on here posing as women.

Ditto.
Hope you and your DH, DC enjoy a relaxing peaceful Christmas

@SidhuVicious can't read anything OP - he can't even read a report or statistical data without misinterpreting and misrepresenting it. His only intent on here seems to be to try to derail your thread to further his (not so)hidden agenda. He's disgusting and would better spend his time educating himself on the subject of Domestic Abuse, but he won't because that would require effort and more than one brain cell. 🙄
Anyway, back to you OP. I think you and your DH are brilliant. You've taken exactly the right action to protect yourselves from DH's vile uncle and aunt, and with you as role models, I'd place money on your DD growing up to be a remarkable young woman. 😊
Hope you get a more helpful response from your MP!🤞

Can we just not do what about the men, Sidhu? just once?

What is your motivation for posting this and how does it relate to the original post? How are you trying to help your fellow female mother in distress?

Assuming you are one and not trolling on a website called MUMSNET

OP: I can't imagine how hard this all is for you. You've been so brave and strong.
Keep going.

The first two messages I wrote were replies to the Sid person and the last one to the OP

Unrelated to OP & OP’s post, but my NY resolution is to unplug from MN entirely thanks to the invaders and the increasing toxicity. I am following a couple of fabulous people and will bow out gracefully and go and study at my grand old age. My illness is life-limiting but I have enough years still left to not waste my brain cells or emotional energy anymore.

@5FeetToBeExact I do hope (HOPE) you get some kind of positive outcome. (Those police are shocking)
I hope even more that you have a wonderful Christmas with your family and you are winning your battle. You sound really lovely. (I’m finishing my nursing degree btw - in my 50’s 😱

Wishing you the very best @Fraaahnces - I’m an old timer but serial name changer and seem to spend my time here now frustrated by how cruel and… actually quite thick… so many posters now are. I think you might have the right idea

Oh @Fraaahnces, I am so so sorry for what you've been going through, with your illness and everything else you've mentioned. I'm glad you're having the Christmas you want and deserve this year. Some of your replies to me have brought a tear to my eye but I'm in absolute awe to read you've nearly finished your nursing degree. It just goes to show it's never too late to do anything you aim for. You've given me such wonderful support on this thread and a voice of reason and I really wish you all the best in your new nursing venture. Some of the kindest and most empathetic nurses who have treated me are the ones who've experienced pain and sickness themselves. Nurses really are angels.

You sound like such an incredible woman, I wish you many happy nursing years ahead of you ❤️

And yes I see this sometimes.

It'll be 'Man here, so can give you an opinion from a man's POV' I honestly roll my eyes. I don't now why there are any men on mumsnet, it's like women going on dads net?? It's sad!

@5FeetToBeExact Thank you so much! You’re such a sweetheart. It’s such a pity that the spirit of Mumsnet seems to have been eroded over the years. When I jumped on board a billion years ago I was an expat Aussie living with 3 tiny kids in a European country where I knew nobody and had no support at all. It kept me sane (ish). Imagine trying to get support now!!! It would be all “Didn’t you know what to expect you silly cow?”

And you’re right - some of the kindest nurses are the ones with a bit of life behind them. Having said that, some of the younger ones were absolutely inspirational too. (Also so very funny!!! That absolutely helps!)
Best of luck with you and yours! I hope you find the support you need IRL as well as out here in the webs…

Very disappointed to read @Fraaahnces will be bowing out.
Such a rock of sense over many threads.
Likewise with @Ochrer I agree, so many toxic posters, taking any opportunity to kick a OP.
So many that push back hard if a poster has toxic abusive family and want to pull away.
Always excusing toxic parents, siblings, partners.
So many posters cannot bear for women to stand up for themselves.

When I read their posts, I always imagine that they are that awful person to people in their lives and hate the idea of being withdrawn from.
Horrible people hate when those they are awful to gain steel and walk away.

You are doing great OP.

I actually think it's often not the abusive types that get angry so much as the types who are bitter they don't have the strength to do the same as the person they're criticising. A bit like the sort of people that get all snarky when their friends lose weight or get a good job etc.

Are you still getting the abusive calls? Update?

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