To expect a courtesy email?

[Youthiswastedontheyoung]

So my husband has a spinal condition which means he often falls. This morning he fell up the stairs with two hot cups of coffee. He's OK but clearly shaken as am I. The walls are a disaster but that's not important!
At 6.59 I emailed the school where I have been teaching since September to explain the situation. I informed Head, Deputy Head (both non-teaching) and also my job share. I also called the school office as per policy. It's the first time I've been off at this new school.
It's now 9.19 and I've not even had an acknowledgement of my email or a quick "Are you OK" message.
AIBU to have expected one?
I know with absolute certainty my other previous schools would have checked in.

OP you and your husband need to get some help and support with your mental health issues.

Where did you get the idea you couldn’t have a day or two off for a miscarriage? Or dealing with the trauma of a divorce. At my work teachers are constantly phoning in sick and saying they have mental health issues or covid or something. Those that are constantly doing it may have a meeting with the head to talk about repeated absences but it’s so so hard to fire anyone on the basis that they are off sick a lot if they give legit excuses.

You sound like you are heading for a breakdown. You won’t be able to mask that.. please get some help.

I have experience of being off in a school 1 worked in long term and 1 I had just started at. Neither sent courtesy emails or checked in. The only difference is in my longer term school colleagues messaged to say hope you are OK.
I'm not sure what you were expecting them to say I had to take time off for a relatives fall because we were waiting on an ambulance but apart from that unfortunately I've found its not a profession where you have flexibility to make up time and absences have such an impact SLT usually don't have much time to check in on welfare as they will be arranging cover at short notice

Some of the replies on here are harsh, but I think the concern is that you seem to be being very considerate of your husband, but he is not being considerate of you. His desire to "be normal" doesn't get to trump your right to not have to take time off work for him, clean coffee off the walls, have the anxiety of his falls etc. The reality is that he has this spinal condition so he is going to have to learn to adapt. If he desperately wants coffee upstairs, then as a PP said, he needs to carry it in lidded travel mugs. It doesn't mean not doing things necessarily, more just adapting the way he does it. But if these falls are going to be recurrent, it isn't reasonable to think you can have time off every time one happens. I think it needs a frank conversation and looking at ways you can support his independence whilst keeping him safer. I hope you get something sorted.

"Not taking food and drink upstairs should be your drawn line"

Or, as I do, take it in sealed, leak proof containers. It's about helping yourself so that you don't let pigheaded stubbornness mean you become an unnecessary burden on others. Measures to help as much as possible with independence.

Still a bit sad to actually do it. And no, I haven't checked to see if you are correct...!!!

With respect OP, you and your DH need to have some common sense. He says he wants to retain his independence, but he isn’t as you’re having to help him. Contact social services to arrange a care assessment. Either he needs help from carers, or you both decide to do things differently, eg no drinks or food upstairs, 4 year old in own bedroom etc.

There are some rental companies that specifically rent adapted/ disability friendly houses, a couple are moving soon and branch properties, maybe have a look into this? Hope your husband and you are okay x

She is.
And it doesn't take any time - just now I clicked on "See all" under the OP's 1st post to catch up on the OP's replies without having to read everything in between and it says she's made 27 replies. 27 + 1 (the OP) = 28.
I don't feel "sad" because I was able to make a very simple instant calculation.

I'm at school now. I realise the expectations are on teachers to never be off. Their families must come second at all times.

Don't be ridiculous. Yes working in a school there are certain expectations and less flexibility, but you need to inform them that you are a carer so there can be support put in place, and look for something different if it isn't compatible with your family life to the extent you're having to choose between the two like this.

Well you have a statutory right to emergency carers leave (stat right is unpaid but I think most schools do pay) so you just need to make it clear that this is what you requested.

some horrible posts on here? one or two,.. but i think most of us are far from being annoyed with the OP.. and more pissed off that her DH is being a selfish twat.

Yes it is hard to adjust to health changes, and changes in your mobility, it's a mental battle to 'admit defeat' but plenty of us have been there, and realised that making our illness/loss of mobility our spouses/family's problem is bloody selfish.

The OP shouldn't BE stressed to the point of sickness through anxiety over it. She has a job and a 4yo child to take care of, she doesn't need to be worrying about him falling over and giving himself a concussion because he wont use a walking stick/rollator or a wheelchair if it's that bad.

He needs to stop being an ostrich and help himself, so the OP is less stressed.

You only need to click on “see all” to see how many there are. There’s no counting involved.

😁

I’ve never known that at school.
It’s rare that I call in sick, but thinking back to the few times where I have over the years, I call the office, tell them, and usually email whoever is covering me.
But I have never, ever had the head, or deputy, or anyone send me an email to ask if I’m okay. I don’t really need or want them to either. I appreciate they have better things to do!

Every day's a school day. It's never occurred to me to question how many posts someone has written.

It's never occurred to me to question how many posts someone has written.

Nor me, particularly.
But if I click on "See all" I automatically glance over at the number because if it's 0 there's no point scrolling further.

What about supply and online tutoring?

I have a serious spinal condition so I understand how difficult this is for both of you. It’s really important that you get help from a physiotherapist and an occupational therapist for your husband to learn how to manage his condition to avoid further injuries. He needs to understand that while his life has changed, he can still have an excellent quality of life if he adapts to his disability.

Is he falling because he is losing balance or because he’s in pain?

You can get a rail fixed to the bed if necessary and have grab rails put in. It would never occur to me to try to carry a cup of tea up the stairs while I’m using my stick!

@IOSTT We don't have a spare room for our 4 yo. If we could afford to we'd move to bigger rented but we can't so she has to room share with us.

Not sure why you're on probation if you're an experienced teacher. Is this a public sector school? Either way, when you're new in a job you want to create a good impression and that includes not taking too much time off. I doubt there'll be any consequence to the odd day but if it becomes a pattern because your DH keeps having accidents then it won't go down well. You sound very stressed and overwhelmed by it all. Tell your SMT about your situation but reassure them you won't be taking days off just to hold your husband's hand. Contingency plans required. And don't make yourself ill with worry!

It must be a one bedroom maisonette I’m guessing from what you’ve said, so it does sound tight for space. Is it a pressure sore mattress he has? I know a lot about the various types from a previous job - I can’t see the noise of that being ideal for you or your 4 year old. You must all be utterly exhausted.

@Haggia It's a 3 bed; I have two teenage children from my first marriage.

Apologies, I missed that detail.

@Youthiswastedontheyoung
What did the headteacher say when you eventually went in?