To expect a courtesy email?

[Youthiswastedontheyoung]

So my husband has a spinal condition which means he often falls. This morning he fell up the stairs with two hot cups of coffee. He's OK but clearly shaken as am I. The walls are a disaster but that's not important!
At 6.59 I emailed the school where I have been teaching since September to explain the situation. I informed Head, Deputy Head (both non-teaching) and also my job share. I also called the school office as per policy. It's the first time I've been off at this new school.
It's now 9.19 and I've not even had an acknowledgement of my email or a quick "Are you OK" message.
AIBU to have expected one?
I know with absolute certainty my other previous schools would have checked in.

This makes no sense, OP. Your DH was ok, you were ok, but you were calling in sick, and now you’re annoyed no one is asking if you’re ok, and appear to be oblivious to the fact that they’re trying to arrange cover for your teaching?

I think you are being a bit unfair. Maybe because you are stressed.

But it’s was only just after 9 you posted this. I am sure they will be very busy anyway and then arranging your cover. You also have no idea what else has gone on this morning. They could be fighting several fires

I am also sure they probably think that if your husband is that bad you have had to take the day off, you aren’t say waiting for their reply. So don’t see it as the priority. The priority is the school.

They are probably pissed off you took a day off when your DH is OK.

But tbh if I was telling my manager I've got to take the day off to deal with a medical emergency at home, I would expect a quick "that's OK, hope your DH/DC is well" - and I do the same for the people I manage. So Yanbu to expect this if you genuinely had an emergency, had to drive DH to A&E or wait for an ambulance or similar. But that doesn't seem to be the case from your op.

He's got a spinal condition so falls are happening a lot recently. He fell out of bed the night before and injured his foot and cut his head. I've barely slept. He's very wobbly so I don't want to leave him.

If your husband is that bad you can't go to work I presume there is more important things to worry about rather than needing an attention seeking email

What bits are you missing out for any of this to make sense?

What have you discussed with your workplace about this?
Have you spoken about Dependents Leave?
This sounds as if it happens fairly frequently, and I wonder if you have some plans in place.

Your school will be more concerned with finding cover for your lessons than they will be about checking on your husband.

I know that sounds harsh and it's not your fault your husband is unwell, but on a Monday morning, checking up on the spouse of an employee will be the last thing on their minds.

He certainly ought not to be carrying hot coffee upstairs, especially not two cups!
You need to put some measures in place at home to keep him safe and manage his condition. What has been advised by his medics?

@KateDelRick He won't listen! I suppose at 48 he struggles to accept he can't do "normal" things.

So at 7am he fell over due to his condition. You were presumably due to start work by 8.30. I cannot imagine why you thought it appropriate to waste a precious day of dependants leave on not wanting to leave him. You are very naive to do this in a probationary period.

If he has a Condition the appropriate thing to do was install him on the sofa with snacks and a drink. Instruct him to be very careful with any trips to the loo or have a commode he could use in the future. Leave him to it as he's an adult.

It's impacting your lives, and probably your employment. Schools have very limited scope for dependents leave. He's either going to have to adjust, or you're going to have to be his full time carer.
His age is irrelevant.

KateDelRick

He certainly ought not to be carrying hot coffee upstairs, especially not two cups!

I was thinking that.
If he's falling a lot and remains very wobbly afterwards, so much so that his wife has to miss a day's work and inconvenience a lot of people (which, unfortunately, it obviously will), what on earth is he doing climbing the stairs with 2 cups of hot coffee. Not even a hand free to grip the rail.
It's asking for trouble.

He fell "up" the stairs?! Does that mean he tripped going up the steps and spilled coffee rather than actually falling down?

By your own description, the falls do not sound life-threatening and have been happening for a while. What does your husband think of all this? Did he insist you stay home to take care of him? The obvious thing for him to do would be to just avoid going up and down the stairs while alone and find a space on the ground floor where food and drink are within easy reach until you get home from work.

It would be very odd for a school to send a courtesy email for an employee who called in sick due to a non-infectious, existing chronic condition of their partner.

I have to work to pay the rent.

So why are you taking unpaid leave for a very minor situation?

you need to organise a carer visit
you need also to prioritise your work
school only have limited sympathy

This isn't sustainable is it? He needs to take action. Completely unfair of him to take silly risks that turn you into his handmaiden and feel too guilty to go to work.

aside of anything else: if he has a spinal condition and he falls a lot he needs to stop messing about carrying 2 cups of coffee upstairs.

I think you have to sit down and have a serious conversation with him, I was late 20 when I got my physical disability so do understand that coming to terms with the disability is hard to come to terms with when it feels before you're time, but I'm presuming you are now the sole earner? He needs to look into adaptations and such like, so you don't end up having to take the days off for stuff that is preventable and keep it for things that arent. So for coffee adaptions, I have a kettle upstairs and downstairs, so I don't have to lug hot drinks up the stairs, I just make them upstairs or vice versa or get the thermos cups with the lids on the top so spills are contained.

You haven’t gone to work 🤣 come on OP you could have gone in for 11 or 12 and left him with a sandwich and cup of tea in bed.

You need to put a stop to carrying cups of coffee up the stairs. You need to work to pay rent, as you said, so it’s important that you actually go….

Shouldnt yoh have phoned? Emails dont get picked up until its too late to get cover usually? Whats your schools policy?

you need to be blunt. Assuming from your later posts that you're the only one working?

You both need to prioritise you going to work. That means you not "calling in sick" when he's ok-ish, and he has to grow up and accept that he CAN'T be doing idiot things that prevent you from keeping a roof over your heads.

He's 48 not 7.

Unless he needs driven somewhere for medical care then i would leave him. I would leave a sandwich and a drink by his bed to minimise him wandering around while wobbly and message to check in at breaks.

Some watches (apple i think) can notify people if you wall might be worth looking into.

Thanks all. I'm going to go in. My MH is in bits due to his falls and anxiety - I've been sick, diahorrea, shaking like a leaf - but I should be OK to manage the class this afternoon. He's struggling to put pressure on one leg and head aches but sure he will be OK.

you sound really stressed OP, is anyone looking after you, or at least acknowledging your stress with all this?