To expect a courtesy email?

[Youthiswastedontheyoung]

So my husband has a spinal condition which means he often falls. This morning he fell up the stairs with two hot cups of coffee. He's OK but clearly shaken as am I. The walls are a disaster but that's not important!
At 6.59 I emailed the school where I have been teaching since September to explain the situation. I informed Head, Deputy Head (both non-teaching) and also my job share. I also called the school office as per policy. It's the first time I've been off at this new school.
It's now 9.19 and I've not even had an acknowledgement of my email or a quick "Are you OK" message.
AIBU to have expected one?
I know with absolute certainty my other previous schools would have checked in.

You would, but I've never known schools to do that, so please try to put that part out of your mind, and focus on steps to improve your family's situation.
Do talk to your line manager on your return.

how do the conversations go? Do you point out that him being a stubborn arse (use those words?) makes your life more stressful and difficult. Ask him if that is useful to either of you. Or your child.

Unfortunately OP in jobs like teaching the first thought with an unexpected absence is panic about cover followed by pressure and resentment at having to cover. Human empathy has been forced out by the extra demands on colleagues already feeling pressure. I think this probably speaks more of the conditions in your profession than the character of your colleagues, who may well sympathise but also see it as just another burden.

He has multiple falls. He fell out of bed over the weekend and cut head and foot.

All the more reason for you both to seek help, you can't be dealing with this level of drama on a frequent basis.

Gosh I can see both sides here

I can imagine you and your DH are going through a lot with his new and risky health condition, adjusting to his life changing and seeking adjustments etc. I’m sure you are very on edge not knowing what the next fall might bring and I can see why today’s fall was stressful even if fine in the end.

From your school’s point of view though, whilst hopefully they can see the wider picture and will be sympathetic to it, this particular fall was actually fine ie no injuries so from their POV it is not great you didn’t come in and sorting cover would be their immediate focus.

Have you had any leave since his diagnosis? Also any counselling- I don’t know if that is available either via the hospital or via either of your workplaces but sounds like it could be helpful.

oh OP he really has to give his head a wobble.

Use very very clear language when you tell him to shape up (or ship out...)

@KateDelRick I'm on probation period so can't disclose his condition to a large extent. We wouldn't be able to pay the rent if I lost my job. If he falls again I will just have to leave him. Lesson learned.

It’s not all about you sadly. They’re busy. Why does this require you taking the day off? Your husband is nothing to do with them.

I wouldn't expect it.

Your DP fell and spilled some coffee.

And you work in a field where everyone is stressed out to the max and juggling multiple responsibilities.

Consider asking the GP for medication for your anxiety OP, e.g Propranalol can help with the physical effects of adrenaline.

No leave - that's not permitted in teaching. The only time taken off in 21 years' is two weeks following emergency surgery for a ruptured ectopic. Have not missed a day apart from that - from divorce to miscarriages. The only reason they found out about one of those is because (TMI alert) I was bleeding so heavily I leaked everywhere.

He's going to have to realise that the priority has to be that you're able to attend work. It's crucial if you're to keep a roof over your head.
And given that school would have had to sort out cover I wouldn't expect them to be contacting you to check in. They may want to talk to you about your plans for dealing with situations like this should they happen again though.

@ilovesooty Thanks. I'm considering exploring supply as an option but not sure it's going to be financially possible.

I think you need to stop taking it personally - the lack of response isn't a dig at you, it's because they've got a million and one other things to sort out that are more urgent than replying to your email.

From your employers viewpoint, you've emailed in sick on a Monday morning and left them struggling to find cover last minute. IMO you should probably have called and spoken to someone in person, but it's done now.

Personally I wouldn't go in this afternoon if you're still in such a state that you're shaking and vomiting.

My DM who used to be a Senco and class primary teacher would never have emailed and if she did require care for my DB (chronic asthma) she was lucky in that her MIL could mind him. I know from both their schools that it’s hectic especially in mornings and emails would probably get read by school secretary and maybe deputy head teacher or head teacher but basically they need someone to take your class.

A good back up plan eg with a carer for your DH would be the way to go.

Yes that's a worry when you need a reliable income. He really does need to work with you to make this job work - you have a lot on your plate.

The issue is, you’re now on your probation period with this job and all they’ll be interested in is your absences with them, because they’ll feel the impact.

I’m glad you’re going in because I would imagine there will be some consternation at the fact you haven’t actually spoken to anyone and no-showed due to your DH falling over, with neither of you needing any further immediate treatment. Honestly, I’d think “flaky”.

Your anxiety reactions also seem quite extreme, which again would cause me concern as an employer if you’re on probation. Throwing up and having the runs not ideal for a teacher responsible for a class, with a trigger of your DH tripping upstairs. Might be something worth reflecting on, in terms of whether you could seek some support for yourself with that.

What lesson? There's no lesson, just take people's advice. Get some help and support and tell your line manager.
Why are you on probation if you have 21 years' service?

@Haggia I had no idea that you couldn't take any time off at all if on probationary period.
Are you ever off work yourself?
I followed the school policy to the letter regarding absence reporting.
Going in now.

@KateDelRick New school

She's only been in this job since September. All this can't be easy in a new workplace.

You don’t need a kettle, you need a coffee machine with a thermos jug in your bedroom. We have one and it’s brilliant! ☕️

Actually, if you're on probation that's exactly what you should do. If you have care responsibilities you have additional protections. It will be far less risky for them to terminate your employment in probation without knowledge that you care for a disabled person than in full knowledge that you do.

Oh op so sorry to hear this has shaken you up so much. Please see your gp at some point you may need support, counselling, even medication if his ill health is having such an impact on your wellbeing.

As others have said he needs to be realistic. No one wants to have a chronic health condition but he needs to be sensible especially with a young dc in the house. Falls and carrying hot drinks is not a good combination.

Good luck, please try and course some support .

And OP has said that as she's been working for them for only 2 months and is still in her probationary period, she hasn't disclosed her partners health issues.

Fair enough.

But from the schools POV they've had an email on a Monday morning from someone in their probationary period saying they can't come in this morning because their DP fell over but can come in this afternoon.

Which doesn't look great anyway and they're having to scrabble around trying to find someone to teach the morning classes and OP is annoyed they didn't reach out asking how she is.