To expect a courtesy email?

[Youthiswastedontheyoung]

So my husband has a spinal condition which means he often falls. This morning he fell up the stairs with two hot cups of coffee. He's OK but clearly shaken as am I. The walls are a disaster but that's not important!
At 6.59 I emailed the school where I have been teaching since September to explain the situation. I informed Head, Deputy Head (both non-teaching) and also my job share. I also called the school office as per policy. It's the first time I've been off at this new school.
It's now 9.19 and I've not even had an acknowledgement of my email or a quick "Are you OK" message.
AIBU to have expected one?
I know with absolute certainty my other previous schools would have checked in.

This.

If you need to work, then you have to make sure that you can go - so listen to pp.
Put things in place and have a conversation with your husband about the management of his condition.
Otherwise you'll be having a workplace interview about your absence which will add to your pressure.

look after yourself op

@KateDelRick I doubt I'll.be having am interview for.one morning absence but thanks.

I think they’ve acknowledged it as you’ve spoken to someone on the phone. They are running around trying to find cover and dealing with the other 30 “urgent” queries from parents etc that come on a Monday morning. So they aren’t emailing asking if you are ok.

But in the nicest possible way your husband shouldn’t be carrying 2 cups of coffee upstairs. Even people who are fine might trip. We have a long term disability in our family and the loss of independence is hard to adjust to but it can be done sensitively. Even if it’s buying a coffee machine and a mini fridge for upstairs if coffee in the one thing on life that makes it seem normal.

Maybe missing the point of the OP but why was your husband carrying 2 cups of hot coffee up the stairs if he has a condition which makes him prone to falling? Have you thought about buying some of those covers you can put over mugs? Most workplaces insist on them now for H&S reasons

There's no point in going into work now. If they've managed to sort cover for the day, they won't thank you for you rocking up at lunchtime. Take the day to rest and start afresh tomorrow.

I can sympathise with him, especially if it's a recent diagnosis. I became disabled at 27 during childbirth and there's definitely a process of grief you go through. It's difficult trying to balance trying to keep your independence versus doing something that's too much or unsafe. Often you discover "the line" after crossing it!

There's going to be answers for problems, it's a case of finding them.
Probably best to solve the issue by getting a small kettle and drink making stuff in your bedroom or somewhere upstairs. It will eliminate the need to carry hot things upstairs and if you are dog tired from caring, you can still get a hot drink and go back to sleep quickly.
Sending you both hugs and best wishes for the future.

@99victoria Because he's bloody minded and I can't make him?!

@BeNavyCrab Thank you. We've considered the kettle but bedroom share with our 4 yo. He just wants to be "normal."

You may not, however, this sounds as if it may not be a one off. In which case, start conversations with your husband, devise a plan and let your HT know.
They won't be unsympathetic (I'm sure), however, you know what it's like in schools.

Which is fine, but he also needs to recognise that you are being badly affected by his poor choices. You need to be able to go to work, which means he needs to make better choices. Lids on cups is not a huge concession to stop something like this happening again.

Oh OP, you're getting a bit of a hard time here, obviously none of us would usually take a day off due to our DH's tripping on the stairs, so there must be much more to this and you sound very stressed.

Perhaps you might be better to take the day off and just rest and look after yourself. You & DH probably do need to make a bit of a plan moving forward though to see how incidents like this can be avoided.

I 100 percent understand that urge to be normal too. It really is hard to come to terms with. Especially with a 4 year old in the same room, it's not a solution for you to have a kettle there. What about getting one of those trays you can get. They look like a tray with a handle over the top but the whole tray swings underneath it, so the cups stay upright, even if you are wobbling. It would give him a free hand to hold onto the wall or bannister as he goes up?

https://www.healthcarepro.co.uk/household-aids/carrying-aids/handi-tray-with-non-slip-mat?sku=N36627

I don't take hot drinks upstairs because I'm worried about carpet spills and am fully able bodied so wtf he's doing is beyond me.

If he's so bad you need to be off work then he sounds like he needs a OT assessment. If he's just pissed off at his situation and making you feel bad for his suffering (& I get he's suffering but you also suffering won't help anyone) then you need to learn to say no and leave him to it or you risk losing your job.

IMO, during a probation period the only reason you should be late or off work is a genuine emergency requiring hospital visit or police involvement or have a contagious infection or disease (or have child with the same). Unless you are registered as your husband's carer, this shouldn't impact you or you'll end with both of you not working.

I've emailed to say I can go in to teach this afternoon. As others have said, I can't afford to lose my job. Just thrown up but I know that's just stress/anxiety which I'm usually very good at masking.
Thanks all.

I have to say YABU @ because it was only 20 minutes after 9am! Give them a chance!

Have they messaged yet?

Aspire 6 PCS Silicone Drinking Lid Cup Lids, Reusable Coffee Cup Covers/Lids - ASSORTED : Amazon.co.uk: Home & Kitchen

@ItsLovelyWeatherForDucks Nothing. I've emailed to say I will be in this afternoon. Still shaking - think it was the bang when he hit!

Unless you live with someone with a chronic, painful and stressful condition, you can’t understand so maybe don’t pile on OP if you have no experience?

Kindly, as someone in her 40s with a chronic pain condition and spinal degeneration/arthritis, he NEEDS to see an OT and talk to his dr, and be realistic about what he can/can't do at home.

He's a grown ass man, i assume with his full mental faculties? He shouldn't be making you miss work because he can't be arsed to use mobility aids and be sensible when home alone.

Falls happen when your body is fucked, you do things to help prevent them, like us a walker/walking stick/rollator/wheelchair if necessary and not carry shit up stairs.

I genuinely don't think anyone is "piling on". In fact, there has been some good advice.
It boils down to two things: how the husband's chronic condition can be better managed, including him taking advice and making certain adaptations, and the issue of work.
Schools have little flexibility and she needs to work, so it's about managing this situation effectively.

It happened over 4 hours ago.

If you're still shaking and being sick etc, are you sure you're not coming down with a stomach bug??

I am someone with a chronic and painful condition who became that way whilst being the main earner with four kids and a mortgage.

I had to grow up and accept that I had responsibilities as a parent and a partner and accept that I simply couldn't do some things and accept help that was available for the benefit of everyone else as much as myself.

I won't pretend I enjoyed it but the alternative was to a be a constant source of stress and anxiety to my family.