Keeping maiden name after marriage.

[CoffeeLover87]

Hey everyone! So my partner and I have been together for 5 years now and we've finally decided to tie the knot. Super excited! But I'm not really keen on changing my surname after we get married. I've always had my name and I quite like it.
Just wondering what others have done - did you take your husband's name or keep your own? Any regrets either way? For those who kept their maiden name, has it caused any issues?

My mum kept her name and went by Ms. I imagine that was somewhat radical in the 80s? I kept my name too when I got married and use Ms but don’t object to Mrs either. My MIL wasn’t happy about it. My DH couldn’t care less. We get a Christmas card each year from his GPs addressed to Mr & Mrs Hisname, which I don’t mind at all as they are lovely and so kind to us. It’s not a pointed thing, it’s just what they expect and I don’t think they’re even aware I haven’t changed my name. I do find that I’m unusual amongst women my age though keeping my name. One friend double barrelled and all others have switched after marriage. I think the majority still switch. I do love it when we very occasionally get post address to Mr & Mrs Myname!

Keep your name; there's absolutely zero reason to change it. Talk about what will happen when you have children though (ie. what the child's surname will be).

I kept my patronymic (that's what it's called when you have the same surname as your father, for those who hate the expression "maiden name" - presumably if it's your mother's name it's a matronymic : no problems other than the occasional teacher calling me by kids' surname, which is not really a problem.

My best friend was married at 20, changed to her husband's name as she is traditional like that.
She was, unfortunately, widowed at 40, and now ten years later she has rebuilt her life with someone and they are getting married. She is talking about changing her name to his, but I think she's mad: all that hassle with her professional qualifications and reputation built up in her present name?
And it's not as if there are going to be kids (even though I think that is a non issue.

This.

Who said the kids have to have his name? They can have her surname!

I hyphenated. A bit of a compromise with expectation, as we lived in a conservative area of the US at the time. But I ended up quite liking the idea.

My name is a reflection of my history. First name, middle name (mother’s maiden name), my family name-hyphen-his family name.

He never pushed either way. Brought it up once, I told him the logical thing was for both of us to hyphenate if he wanted a shared name. That shut that down. 15 years later it is a non issue.

I took his name but hated it. Just wasn’t me so after quite a few years,I changed it back to my name

I took his name even before getting married. It's much shorter than my birth name, so it was an advantage. But I divorced this year and am now going back to my birth name. The reason is I didn't have a good marriage and I no longer wanted to be (obviously) associated with him & his family, though my grown up daughter has her dad's name so I'm not completely free of it. Changing your name is a big aggravation, especially when dealing with companies and Government agencies with whom gave known you by your married name for over 20 years.

These threads usually descend into an argument! I didn't want to keep my maiden name when I got married and took my husband's surname.

My children have their father's long 'foreign' surname, I have my own (would have double-barrelled but it's so long, and was happy to make a compromise for their cultural belonging as we live in my country). Lots of flying with young kids solo, never, ever have I been stopped or asked anything about it.

Such an archiaic, unncesseary, retrograde idea for the woman to change her name... imo you are much more likely to regret relinquishing it than to regret keeping it

I kept mine. Generally no issues, though on more than one occasion to do with renting or buying a house it has been assumed we're not married and have been given irrelevant advice. Also, because my child has my husband's name, the doctor and dentist tend to refer to me automatically as Mrs Husbandsname. I think there's probably a bit of hassle either way, but I was quite attached to my surname so kept it.

It's great that we have the choice.

My husband took my name (which was also my mother and maternal grandmothers name).

I kept my name, although I couldn’t begin to count the number of occasions people address stuff to me with my husband’s surname anyway. Or address stuff to both of us with Mr and Mrs DH initial and surname.

I never really had any intention of taking DH's name, but what REALLY convinced me that I had to keep my name was that when I sort of floated the idea of remaining MS but becoming MS DH Name, i realised very very quickly that was not going to happen and the pushback would be immense and that was the final nail in the coffin - no way was I taking DH's name if I couldn't maintain the Ms.

It drives me mad. Why is my marital status relevant when it comes to day to day honorifics?

On these threads, lots of people who didn't take their DH's name turn up. But I agree, in real life, I know very few. Through work definitely a few more, but at my children's school, the only mums who have different names to their DC (besides me) are the ones who aren't married.

I briefly hyphenated myname-hisname, then decided 6 months later that I didn't like it and changed it back - don't recommend that haha!

We have kids and they both have my surname as a second middle name, I basically just wanted it to be somewhere on their passports for when we travel, nobody uses it in day-to-day life, and I've travelled alone with them several times and never had a problem. (they also look a lot like me!)

DH suggested we do this. I was quite interested to realise that simply because I'd spent my whole life assuming that children would get their father's name, it didn't feel like something I felt was necessary so I really haven't minded the DC having his name. ie intellectually I felt this was the best suggestion but I just found I genuinely didn't care. The patriachy had done its work on me!

But having said that, I think if I was to do it again, I might take him up on it and I think that if DS and DD were to do it with any of their children, that would be nice.

Also, we did agree that all pets will be my name. So at the vet he is occassionally referred to as "Mr Jadzia" which we both find amusing. Similarly, as I tend to do all holliday booking, he's often referred to as Mr Jadzia in hotels!

We wanted the same name as each other but couldn't see why that automatically meant me taking his so tossed a coin, he took my name. He got some mild ribbing at the start and now noone cares.

What have kids of double barreled names done.

So if you are Smith and your Husband Jones. Kids are Smith-Jones.
Your neighbors are Taylor and Williams. Children Taylor-Williams.

Your kids marry their childhood sweetheart.

Do they become, Smith-Jones-Taylor-Williams

Or do they choose a name who do they like best, Mum or Dad, which name will they keep and which will they discard.

Do they choose a new unique name just for themselves?

Did anyone just choose a 'family name' from the pot and add in the unchosen name as a middle name.

I wonder about this a lot. Does anyone have experience?

I took my husbands name and the kids did too. I regret it, my name was much nicer.

Choice makes life so much more confusing, even if it is fairer!

Kept mine but I use our 'family name' for dealings with school and anything related to kids. Not caused any problems so far.

Changed mine. However my birth name was hard to deal with in the UK. In my birth country it's normal.for both male and female to change their names. Out of 17 cousin

2 didn't change their names on marriage
6 changed (6 female 3 male)
2 joined names
7 are cohabiting or never had a longtime relationship

For me I see it all as normal and expect no issues.

It's totally a matter of choice.

I changed mine. No regrets.

I kept mine. Wouldn’t have dreamed of changing it - I use it professionally anyway so it’s what I’m known as. And it’s my name! Never caused any issues. But then we don’t have DCs.

Same. DH isn't 100% on board with it and would like me to have his name.

Luckily for me, he doesn't like wearing jewellery so doesn't wear his wedding ring, so each time he's mentioned me not taking his name I just say "the day you start wearing a wedding ring, I'll consider it"

My Mum really doesn't like it! She has more sense than to say anything, but I know she thinks it's weird. But then out of my close friend group from school, only 1 (out of 6) has changed her name on marriage.

Reasons for me not changing it were:

• I don't like his name - mine is more unusual
• I have a business bank account and want to use my maiden name for work - the bank can't cope with me having one name on personal accounts and another on business accounts
• I really can't be bothered to go through the rigmarole of changing passports, etc.
• We're not going to have kids, so it doesn't matter what name I have.

I didn’t change my name when I got married. I couldn’t imagine it - my name is so much a part of my identity. The kids have my name as their middle name and my husband’s as surname. Never had any issues when travelling abroad alone with them.

I kept my name but did change to 'Mrs' on forms after getting married. Our child has my surname. No problems at all.