Keeping maiden name after marriage.

[CoffeeLover87]

Hey everyone! So my partner and I have been together for 5 years now and we've finally decided to tie the knot. Super excited! But I'm not really keen on changing my surname after we get married. I've always had my name and I quite like it.
Just wondering what others have done - did you take your husband's name or keep your own? Any regrets either way? For those who kept their maiden name, has it caused any issues?

The men who don't want to change their names always have the 'nicer surname' in these cases! Such a coincidence...

I’ve kept mine. Also couldn’t face the admin after planning a wedding! We were married post children so we had given the kids his name (he would have been fine with a double-barrel). I thought I would change my name but just didn’t sound right!

So that’s my only regret- that the children don’t have my name.

Old fashioned relatives (including my own mother!) still address post to
DH surname. Only a problem when my mum sent me a package and I had to collect it with ID. Which I didn’t have. She got told off after that!

We had the same issue of DH wanting to take my name but his family having issues.

Imagine a woman's family being annoyed that she wanted to take her husband's name. Just wouldn't happen would it?

Also DH was chilled - he was willing to double-barrel/ change his name. It was mainly down to me not pushing it all.

I double barrelled and five years in still haven't changed everything, it's a real pain - I know DH really values us having the same name (he double barrelled too) so I'd probably still make the same decision again, but it is inconvenient.

At work I use my original name and won't be changing that, and I'm sure I'll eventually get around to changing bank accounts etc as I'm just starting to find things which now would be easier if everything was in the same name - like my Avios not transferring over from my BA Amex as the credit card was my original name but BA account my married one!

🤷‍♀️ Well I preferred it. My "maiden" name was just my dad's family surname, and on and on up the male line. To me, it didn't mean much either way. I just wanted us all to have the same surname. My husband wasn't bothered if we had different names or if the kids had my name, so in the end I made the change coz I was the only one who cared. Everyone is going to feel differently, but I don't think it actually means anything in the real world, does it?

Me too. I say "family name".

It’s not your ‘maiden’ name, unless you view your DH’s birth surname as his starter or ‘boy’ name too.

Direct correlation between education/professional achievement levels and arbitrarily obeying an anachronistic, misogynist ‘custom’, in my experience.

I think it means something in wider society, in that a lot of women are pressured to change their names when they don't want to, but men simply don't have that problem (because the onus is on the woman).

We need to stop this outdated assumption that the woman is the one to change her name.

I use his unofficially but haven't made the official change yet as the paperwork rigmarole puts me off. MIL hates the situation but I'm in no rush.

Kept mine. No issue at all, possibly because the women in my husband's family keep typically keep the family name.

I kept my name, zero issues apart from my mother in law who insists on addressing all birthday and Christmas cards to Mrs [his first name] [his surname] 🙄🙄🙄

Like you when it came to the crunch I really just didn't want to change the name that had been mine for 30 years. I couldn't see a single compelling reason to have to do it so I didn't.

We have kids (his surname) no one bats an eyelid.

Also avoided all the admin.

My mum kept hers and we have my dad's surname, so it's a bit more 'normal' to me. We traveled alone with my mum a few times and never had any issues as far as I remember.

I'll be keeping mine

Our kids have both of our names double barrelled and if they want to shorted it when they're older they can. I've also traveled alone with them and not had any issues.

As many of you have mentioned here, you liked your surnames and chose to keep them. I feel the same way—I really like my name, and that's one of the main reasons I'm not keen on changing it. Another reason is principle.When it comes to the kids, I've thought about that too. If they take my partner's surname, I’d be the odd one out. But does that really bother me? Another option could be giving my surname as a middle name to the kids.

I didn't mean the wider debate doesn't mean anything. Obviously there shouldn't be the ridiculous pressure on women to change their name, I just meant that it literally doesn't affect anything at all of you change or don't change your surname.

@CoffeeLover87 there is no legal requirement to change your name when you marry (assuming you’re in the UK). I felt my surname was part of my identity so there was no way I would change it. It’s a matter of choice.

I kept my maiden name and it didn't present any issues whatsoever. It would have felt much more weird and difficult to change it. This was thirty years ago and tbh it seems kind of quaint that anyone does change their name now.

I'm not disrespecting the choice to change names at all. It's just that it feels like a ceremonial performance of tradition - like wearing a big white frock on the wedding day, or throwing flowers into the air.

If it would cause any issues with your DH then don’t marry him.

Ive never experienced any issues with my children having a different name and I’ve flown with them regularly alone, taken them to A&E and whatever other scaremongering people use.

If I could go back I would give the kids my name but it is what it is.

Lots of people keep maiden name.
i started off keeping mine. But eventually i swapped.
what prompted me was being stopped at airport and questioned about permission to travel with my kids.
since we don’t share a surname I should have carried a letter with permission from their father (my husband)
by that point I was already defacto Mrs XYZ because of medical and school stuff.
although I use maiden for work.

I kept my name (back in 1980) even though DH has a much nicer name than mine. I simply could not understand why I would change my name. It's caused zero issues.

DC have DH's name. My choice as I wouldn't saddle a child with my name. Otherwise we would have double-barrelled.

One of my DC and their partner have merged their surnames to create an entirely new name which they and their DC now use.

@CoffeeLover87 When it comes to the kids, I've thought about that too. If they take my partner's surname, I’d be the odd one out. But does that really bother me? Another option could be giving my surname as a middle name to the kids.

Children by default don’t get the father’s name, it’s a choice you make. Technically there first name is the mother’s. So even if you wanted to keep your name your children could still have the same name as you if you wanted.

Whether or not you share a surname you should have technically had a letter of permission from the father. It's nothing to do with whether you share a surname or not. You're more likely to be stopped if you don't share a surname but you just have to have a photo of their birth certificate in your phone and that's enough.

My daughter has her dad's surname- for some reason at the time it didn't occur to me to question it but it does bother me now. I'm pregnant with my second and she'll have her dad's name too, because I want the girls to have the same name. So I'll be the odd one out which doesn't bother me in the slightest actually. What does bother me is not having the discussion when my daughter was born about her having my name or at the very least double-barrelling. I blame my mental state pre and post birth at the time 😔

But it doesn't REALLY matter at the end of the day. I always vaguely thought that when kids came along (which took 7 years!) I'd change. Felt weird then to change my name, feels weird now.

I also didn’t change my surname when I got married 23 years ago. Never had a real problem apart from the odd baffled comment.

Our DC have DH’s surname but my surname as a second middle name. With hindsight I would have given them both surnames, they could just use one in day to day life but there you go.

Seriously, they stopped you at the airport because you didn't share the same surname as your kids? That's a bit strange, It feels a bit over the top to me. Was this a UK airport or somewhere in Middle east?