Keeping maiden name after marriage.

[CoffeeLover87]

Hey everyone! So my partner and I have been together for 5 years now and we've finally decided to tie the knot. Super excited! But I'm not really keen on changing my surname after we get married. I've always had my name and I quite like it.
Just wondering what others have done - did you take your husband's name or keep your own? Any regrets either way? For those who kept their maiden name, has it caused any issues?

@NagathaCrispy My view is that a name doesn't define you, it just identifies you

Thats surely the exact point though? More and more women don’t want to be identified as purely the ‘wife of’ her husband.

This is true lol I kept my name but in real life very few of my friends and colleagues kept their own name and opted to change. So while it's fully acceptable to keep your name if that's what you want it's also equally acceptable to take your husband's!

It's a personal choice and apart from the odd disgruntled MIL most people don't give a shit 😂

Kept mine, because it's much better and more unusual than his. And also why should my family be erased. He had no problem with it. The only issue was kids names. We decided we didn't want to double barrel and we wanted all children to have same last name. we flipped a coin (a bit mad I know but no fairer way as neither of us would back down). I lost so I have different surname to my DC. My sister did exactly the same. It hasn't caused any issues so far. I have flown with DC on my own and no one batted an eyelid but I carried their birth certificate just incase.

I kept my name, it certainly made things easier when we divorced after around 17 years together! There were no issues except with his family being a little off about it. I do wish I had followed a friend’s idea and given my children my name as a middle name. I don’t understand why women are still expected to give up a part of themselves.

So give the children your name.

There is no earthly reason why women should be "Mrs "HIsProperty" whatever the names given to the children. Its also not "the norm" - custom and practice varies hugely by country.

Kept my maiden name. No problems. Kids have my DH's surname and very occasionally a teacher at the school will refer to as "Mrs [child's last name]" but it doesn't bother me.

Airport officials will occasionally ask children travelling with only one parent to confirm that the person they are travelling with is their parent. Hasn't happened to me but I've seen it in customs queues in front of me. The child always says "this is my mum" or "this is my dad" and that's that. On the rare occasions I travelled with one of my DC without my DH I carried a photocopy of DC's birth certificate as it has my name on it too, but never had to show it to anyone.

Quite! And just when we thought that was a suitable compromise we were asked exactly what order the names were going in for our DD's surname. We had gone for his surname first (more prominent to my mind?) but apparently they would have preferred second place as it leaves a bigger impression and is more traditional for the man's name🤦🏻

I think the conclusion is don't try to please other people as you're inevitably onto a loser there! Whatever suits you and your DH.

I changed mine, many friends kept their maiden name. Not really a big issue. Down to personal preference and also (biggest reason), if they like DH's name or not, or if their maiden name was unusual. Same with children's names.

Kept my name. No issues. Amazed this is still a thing really.

Do still receive cards addressed to Mrs HisName, usually from family members who disapprove of my uppity choice.

Also, do men have 'maiden' names?

Its perfectly legal to use both names in the UK (or in fact to call yourself anything you like so long as you don't do so with intent to defraud/mislead).

However that doesn't stop the world, including people such as bank clerks, untilities staff and medical staff (who should all know better) from lecturing you that you must be Mrs HisProperty. I was married in the latter 80s and I find it depressing that young women still have to put up with this shit.

It's not your Maiden name, it's just your name. Your actual name. I kept my name and put the argument forward for the kids having my name. He wasn't up for that so now they are double barreled. I bet he has spent no time at all considering changing his name.

Kept my name, no issues at all. Kid has a double barrelled surname.

the only person to have an issue with it is my mum bizarrely.

Ten years ago most of my friends changed their name.

The majority I know who married in the last two years have kept their names. One couple made a hybrid name and both changed. Seems to be quite popular.

I wish I had kept mine - no disrespect to my husband - and keeping my father's name is not exactly sticking it to the patriarchy but still wish I had kept it.

most of my friends kept their own names. Some pretend to have changed it to their PIL to avoid an argument! Pretty much everyone I know uses their original name professionally, even if they use their husband's name in their personal life.

Kids are sometime double-barrelled or sometimes given one parent's surname as a middle name and the other one as a surname. That way both parents' names are on the passport in case of issues when travelling.

What I also find interesting is the decision around Mrs/ Miss / Ms, while men get to be known by Mr for all their adult lives without it revealing their ‘marital status’.
Does my nut if I’m honest…
sorry to hijack your post, OP, but can I ask those who have kept their surnames which option they went for there?

I kept mine. I can’t imagine changing it and it’s never been a problem. I find it very odd that younger women are still changing their name.

I changed mine but I'm ambivalent about it. I like having the same name as my dc (and my husband's last name is much more unique and attractive than mine which was a big factor in taking it!) But I do feel like a big sell- out as a feminist. I have more respect for women who keep their own names (fucked up I know but it's just a feeling I can't shake).

I kept my own surname. It’s not caused any issues at all.

It's not just your father's name though, it's YOUR name! the one you were given when you were born! Doesn't matter where it came from, once you born, it was YOURS!

I changed my name, but kept using maiden name at work because I was already getting established in my career and clients knew me by my maiden name, which is quite distinctive.

I have my mum's maiden name as a middle name and DH added it to his name too when we got married. Our kids also have it.

No issues caused, everyone happy with our choices here DH's surname is (imo) nicer than my maiden name anyway, so I'm happy to use it.

I hate this too. How women are defined by their marital status in their title and men aren't. Irks me

Only thing to mention is if you give child dads name before you change your own be prepared to be in a doctors waiting room with baby at some point and not picking up on it when they call out your child's name plus their dad's surname, which is different from yours, for the first time! Took me by surprise when I realised 😂

I changed mine because our children were going to have DH surname as he is the last one in his family tree with it. So I wanted us all to have the same name. Whatever is fine though, keep yours, double barrel kids names, give kids your name. There are no rules! I know a family who blended both their surnames into one and both husband and wife and kids had that one name! I know a couple of men who have taken their wives names alongside their own. Whatever you want to do is fine, there are loads of options!

Agreed. I started using Ms at 21 and have never changed, despite getting married. Nobody else's business whether I'm married or not and DH doesn't need to disclose, so why should I!