DD being petulant over DGP visit (18yo)

[Norzilla]

So I invited DGP over ( 78yo ) for Christmas this year. They went to DB last year. If they don't come here they will be alone this year. DD is outraged to have them here despite no real reason for it. She is 18yo at uni locally and still at home.
Tonight I had a huge row, explained DGP might only live another 15 years and least she can be is kind and empathetic to me and them. Much stropping ensued! DGP have their own room but will use the bathroom. I told her she was being rude and a brat. AIBU?

Of course they know it, but they don't have the full ability to conceptualise what being elderly is and how it feels to age.

I didn't say you had. But many posters here have.

Then save your wrath for them
My point of view is that she needs educated, taking the OP at face value and assuming there are no negative factors at play

You did, however, say we didn't know what she was like and that was what I replied to.

The OP at face value gives very little information to make any decisions on

Then save your indignation for those that have used the language you object to,
me saying
"There is also no evidence of the daughter being lovely"
does not equate to you saying
" We don't know either way
Which is why painting DD as some vile bitch who will grab the money off DGP but can't tolerate their company because she's an ungrateful brat who should be thrown into the street and humiliated is hugely unhelpful..."

It's a perfectly valid response to what you said

Your comment was like it was trying to defend those who were saying about the DD being horrible

I replied saying we didn't know either was which is why speculation isn't helpful

I didn't have a go at you.

Eh, you are speculating over my quote, which wasn't helpful
It feels very much like you're having a go at me for other posters sentiments
But I've run out of steam for this argument....

Eh you're the one making it an argument for no reason

This is why I'm making the most of every minute spent with my grandchildren while they're small and think visiting grandma is super fun and exciting!

Soon enough they'll discover phones and I'm just be an irritating obligation 😭

To be fair dgp who see their dgc a lot when they’re young, love and spoil them, never lose their charm.

In answer to the actual post (sorry haven't read all the replies) why do you need to have her permission? Why does it affect her so much? I can remember having family stay for christmas at that age, and it made no difference to me or my social plans. Sure I saw them christmas day, christmas lunch, maybe a little on boxing day....but their stay had no bearing on me. Is this what your DD is worried about?

Equally I really wouldn't (and don't) care what opinions my grown up children have on what I do or the decisions I make. I have one adult child living at home still, I wouldnt care at all on his opinion of grandma staying for christmas (if we had one 😢). As long as he wasn't rude to me or the grandparents on the stay, then he can do his own merry little thing, it has no bearing on us. I wouldnt even engage in the opinion tbh. It is what is, you've asked the grandparents to stay, end of. It's your house.

Sadly, this is true :( my parents are 78 as well and this makes me really sad.

What? They won't be in there at the same time will they? Bathrooms in homes are always unisex, but only one person goes in at a time. There should also be a lock of course.

Exactly they won’t be in there at the same time @Norzilla

There's no mention of a partner...

If DD is used to a household of just her and OP then the idea of a male in the house might make her feel intimidated. Concerned he might accidentally walk in, she might accidentally walk in, he might pee on the seat etc

That's something she has to get over, it that's even a thing. I'm all for women-only spaces - shared changing rooms, public toilets with cubicles - but you don't get to wipe out the opposite sex from the world.

Your daughter is a selfish madam. Tell her to get over herself, it's your house and your decision. Perhaps point out DGP may not be enamoured at the idea of sharing space with her either.

Tell her if she has an issue then find somewhere else to spend Christmas but right now she's under your roof and doesn't make the decisions.

Excuse me, I'm nearly 78 and I'll take 15 thank you.

Your DD sounds so unbelievably spoilt and selfish. I have a DD of the same age and would be so upset if she were to have the same attitude as your DD as it’s so wrong. Just having to share a bathroom isn’t really much of an inconvenience.

Despite what many may say, 78 is pretty old already and if they are still alive in 5 years, that would be great. Many things can happen then (I work in a medical field). Another 15 years would be wonderful if they make it, but sounds a bit too optimistic to me.

If she is 18 then tell her that she is free to leave. I bet she doesn't even pay you any rent?

OP needs to come back and update us about the reasoning.

Poor DD might be being rather unfairly painted here

This.
Is their some huge explanation for this?
If not, what a madam.

Is grandparent independent - does daughter think she'll be running around grandparent etc

Well, that's what my abusive father (thanks goodness he's been gone for 16 years) used to tell me. I'm 45 now, and don't remember fucking choosing to be "under his roof".
Obviously, I wouldn't go on the streets because of that pig, so I waited it out (till 22) and have a really good life now.
But it was more than tough and unnecessary.