Am I old or has shite behaviour become normal behaviour?

[WishItWasDifferent25]

Ok. Fully prepared to be told I am unreasonable but I’m nearly choking from clutching my pearls here….

1. on a plane last week. Child with iPad on full volume. No attempt to reduce volume and no headphones in sight. No one except me seemed to be bothered so I quietly seethed.

2. in John Lewis today. Cafe. Quiet and calm except for parents entertaining toddler by playing baby shark over and over. I felt I had to leave. No one else seemed to even flinch.

3. the gym yesterday. Watching greys anatomy with my headphones on. Still had subtitles because the noise from spin was a LOT. Guy gets on the one next to me and sticks a programme on full volume. I went for pointed look but not up for confrontation tbh. He moved around the gym with his super loud programme following him.

IS THIS NORMAL. Or am I turning into cranky old bint. Am only 46. Didn’t see it coming.

YANBU. I was on a coach trip a few weeks ago, I was shattered and just wanted to relax but the woman right behind me was watching really annoying crap memes or something on her phone at full whack, she was easily in her 60s so not young, it grated on me the whole journey and I couldn’t relax, I thought it was so rude and inconsiderate. If you want to listen to crap in busy places wear bloody headphones! I’m not good at confrontation so I just seethed quietly for the several hour journey and was glad when it was time to get off.

In the train last week, the guy across the aisle was watching clips on his phone with the volume on.
The guard walked past and asked him to put headphones on, which he did.
Sorted.
(I was too chicken to ask!)

Well I suppose people haven't taken to breaking wind loudly in public yet... that's a positive I guess?

It's easy to get sucked in to moaning about things. I could also talk about how kind, generous and polite lots of people are and all the times people have behaved extremely well or exceeded expectations.

And I do sometimes fart in the gym on the treadmil or at yoga though obviously I try not to. Not quite sure of the fart volume when I have headphones on 😂

YANBU. I hate it when people watch videos or FaceTime on loud in waiting areas or restaurants. It's so rude

I do that sometimes.

From my POV, drivers are often the selfish bastards who don't give a fuck about pedestrians.

I hate the way that cars dominate towns and cities. If you ever see really early film of people going about their business, it's striking how people have the freedom to walk along roads.

I feel like people have become noticeably more inconsiderate in public spaces. Maybe it’s a shift that happened since Covid, or maybe we’re just more aware of it now after being used to the calm and quiet of our own homes. Either way, it’s hard not to notice it now.

My husband really struggles with the noise and crowds these days, and he never been like that until Covid. I sometimes joke that I’ll get him ear defenders! I don’t feel it as much yet, but I can see myself getting there too.

I took my child to their dance class and one other child spent the whole lesson whistling and stamping her dance heels on the wooden floor. She was whistling over the instructions, stamping during the group dance and ruining it. Both parents just there with an inane grin on their faces and did nothing.

Interesting that he actually had earphones but didn’t use them initially.

i think it’s down to people being more entitled these days. Everyone thinks that their comfort comes before anyone else’s comfort.

and a lot of people are addicted to their phones.

if someone was being loud because they were talking about a family emergency then I wouldn’t mind. But most people are listening to music or aimlessly scrolling due to their addiction.

Last time I was booked in the quiet carriage three women in their 30s got on, sat round a table and started a loud conversation. After half an hour one of the other passengers asked them to be quiet. They ignored her. Then I asked them to be quiet. One of them waved me away. I moved from my reserved seat and went to complain to the train manager. I was told they were allowed to talk in the quiet carriage. ‘So what’s the point of my reserving a seat in the quiet carriage?’ I asked. No reply to that.

it happened to me once. It was mortifying.

Yet people are happy to play anything at max volume and don’t give a shit.

Yanbu.Sat in dentist waiting room and a man was listening to a video on his phone.So inconsiderate.

I don’t think people have ever been that considerate about noise. In the 80s, boomboxes were all over the place. People would sometimes play them on trains, walking down the street, etc. In the 90s huge sounds systems were not uncommon in cars, driving around the town (or parking up) with heavy bass thudding out. In the 2000s, with the advent of mobile phones with much poorer microphones than nowadays, loud phone conversations seemed to be everywhere. I also think loud conversations on planes and trains used to be more common. I always remember people standing around on planes chatting in groups, I hardly ever see that happen nowadays. And on trains large groups, all talking, seemed very common but not so much anymore. (Possibly this change is more about how I traveled when I was younger - generally for leisure, whereas I traveled more for work as I got older)

I have found, as I’ve got older, that I find loud noise more irritating and somewhat overwhelming. I can’t make out conversation over noise the way I used to be able to. Is it possible you’re noticing it more now because you’re older?

Urrgh. Once I had a bloke behind me on a 2hr train journey watching Line of Duty on full volume on his phone. I asked him to use earphones, and he looked at me blankly, so I told him who H was before moving seats.

Yes, I’ve encountered teenagers doing this on buses and in the streets since music-playing phones existed. So around 20yrs. Obviously ‘forever’ is just an emphasis meaning it’s nothing new. I even remember teens having mini speakers for discmans in the 90s on public transport.

Ha ..that reminds me of when I went for a lovely walk at a local beauty spot only to have a man and his friend walking the dog while blasting out a radio programme at full volume. I kept trying to go a different track and then running into him again. I was so pissed off.

I think people are getting ruder and more selfish. Parents just give noisy devices and don't care as much. I am also getting older and more crotchety!

My examples usually relate to cinema or theatre, places where it used to be the norm to sit quietly, no devices, respect the show and performers.

I took my dc to the cinema yesterday. Not 'baby friendly' just a normal showing. Toddlers were roaming around, screaming, parents just sat looking at their phones ignoring the kids. One actually got a kids tablet out and put some cartoons on full blast, but then left it playing on the seat while the kid inevitably wandered off up and down the stairs. My kids are now old enough to actively want to watch a film, they don't want to sit for 90 mins of film drowned out by toddler shrieks. 1-2 year olds clearly aren't that bothered and don't have the patience for a 90 min film with a plot. Why did none of those parents just take their kids out, like I did when mine were that age and I realised 'oops they are uninterested, we'll try again when they're older?'

Even when I go to the cinema without kids, there are adults on their phones ignoring the screen, but annoying everyone with stupid phone screens. What's the point? Just stay at home scrolling!

At the theatre people talk, check phones, constantly get up and down returning with drinks throughout performances, then need the loo, then rinse and repeat. These are big shows that have cost £££ to buy tickets for. Why did they bother if they just want to have a chat or get drunk?! Why can't they just wait for the interval?

I'm currently working a contract that comes into contact with young people (16 - 25) and what struck me is, the level of entitlement in their general attitude, and how the mental health card gets played at every opportunity especially as leverage to get their own way: I had one young madam flounce out saying, 'Your organisation will be sorry if anything happens to me!' And this isn't a one off occurrence...

Mental Health & Wellbeing is going to tomorrow's mass epidemic. Personally, I think we've spurned a monster and unless there is a cultural shift and resilience is taught and becomes fashionable, there's going to be a generation that's just too self indulgent to achieve anything.

Also they love their labels (ADHD, Bipolar, Anxiety, Depression, OCD, on the Spectrum, etc) yet when you ask them if they've had an official assessment and diagnosis, they um and ah...

It's because this generation is obsessed with the 'self'.

Oh and I'm not even old but I'm a serial confronter. Have been called a "Karen" on plenty of occasions but I don't care.

Most recently I went to the cinema for the first time in a couple of years, the behaviour was outrageous. It was a horror movie so no kids to blame it on. Just noisy, entitled adults. Who the hell thinks it's acceptable to come into a film 10 minutes after it's started, blasting everyone with your phone torch whilst trying to find your seat?!

You are NOT being unreasonable ! I do call people out on this selfish behaviour all the time (OK not when there is a big guy looking thuggish). Always nicely and politely "Would you mind turning the volume down please, I try to sleep (airplane)/ have a conversation/ listen to something in my earphones." Most of the time people do turn down the volume without a fuss, on occasion I even get an apology. But it's amazing how selfish and rude people are and how no consideration is taken to others. It leaves me fuming because I have taught my children to pay attention not to bother others. In airplanes they play without volume/have headphones. Always tell them to not speak loudly as to not bother fellow passangers and then you got this twats turning up the volume for their kids completely oblivious that they are bothering everyone around them. Leaves me fuming but I'm your age as well OP (45) so maybe it's just a generation thing of not caring about others (although my children are teens and have learnt how to be respectful so not really an excuse).

No you are totally right BUT —- say something. I get culturally as Brits we just get annoyed, give a look and then walk away seething but it’s perfectly fine to say ‘hi, would you mind turning that down a bit as I can’t hear through my headphones with your programme on full blast’. Yeah they may be annoyed but honestly we enable this behaviour if no one ever says anything.

It is getting worse on buses for sure. However I remember stomping around Polzeath and Tintagel with my portable cassette player blasting out Black Sabbath in 1978. I must have seemed such a twat but thought I was cool.

Yesterday in Costa several families with young dc got together and the adults sat downstairs and let their dc go upstairs to run around in a hoard pissing off the upstairs customers. The dc stayed ages, left snacks and rubbish everywhere (not from costa) and their parents only collected them when the staff told the kids off for running around when they were carry trays of empty cups and plates.

Selfish behaviour indeed.

I'm going to bite and go against the grain here but I think you're being unreasonable. You live in a world with other people they're going to make noise just deal with it like everyone else has to.

If it's your neighbour making noise all night then that would be different.