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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I old or has shite behaviour become normal behaviour?

212 replies

WishItWasDifferent25 · 10/11/2024 21:42

Ok. Fully prepared to be told I am unreasonable but I’m nearly choking from clutching my pearls here….

  1. on a plane last week. Child with iPad on full volume. No attempt to reduce volume and no headphones in sight. No one except me seemed to be bothered so I quietly seethed.

  2. in John Lewis today. Cafe. Quiet and calm except for parents entertaining toddler by playing baby shark over and over. I felt I had to leave. No one else seemed to even flinch.

  3. the gym yesterday. Watching greys anatomy with my headphones on. Still had subtitles because the noise from spin was a LOT. Guy gets on the one next to me and sticks a programme on full volume. I went for pointed look but not up for confrontation tbh. He moved around the gym with his super loud programme following him.

IS THIS NORMAL. Or am I turning into cranky old bint. Am only 46. Didn’t see it coming.

OP posts:
CatsLikeBoxes · 10/11/2024 22:15

People listening to music or watching videos on public transport with no headphones - whhhyyyy?

Recently seen an increase in kids riding scooters round shops, from H&M to supermarkets. Not even slowly right beside the adult, but freely as if in the park.

Just seems in a rise of people thinking it's fine to be utterly selfish.

Pickandmixmood · 10/11/2024 22:17

People strolling across the road in front of vehicles which have to slow down really pissed me off too.
I feel like mowing the selfish buggers down

limegreenheart · 10/11/2024 22:23

Travelling, I've seen a really noticeable difference even internationally before vs after COVID. Before, it wasn't unusual to encounter a lone person with music/talk bleeding through (cheap) earbuds. And you definitely did get self-consciously antisocial types treating their devices like '80s boomboxes and intentionally playing music or whatever with no earbuds, but it wasn't THAT common and usually someone would complain. You'd often find people using their devices without headphones when there was a logical reason (e.g., multiple people on this end on a call on speakerphone, or showing a group a YouTube clip), but typically volume would go off or earbuds in when the need to share was finished.

Now, it's absolutely the norm to play anything you want with volume as high as you want, no earbuds/headphones, even if it's just you. I've frequently seen couples sitting next to each other in airport waiting areas not communicating, each blasting something different on a device. Nobody has aged THAT much in two years, so I'm guessing it's mostly the effect of deterioration of unused social skills and possibly some backlash against previous social norms. The more it becomes the norm the more rude, lazy people will do it.

In the case of the child, it's not great but at least it served a purpose. Given that it's a relatively casual environment likely the parents and the other diners were thinking that the music was preferable to the child crying/screaming.

Years ago I connected my Bluetooth to someone’s phone and played Barbie girl (I don’t think you can do this now) You can if they have their hotspot turned on AND haven't passworded it. But in a crowded place I'm not sure how you'd know which device to connect to; they probably don't have their network name set to "Inconsiderate Arsehole Blasting Crackly Crap".

Hunglikeapolevaulter · 10/11/2024 22:28

You know how MN always says if you want total quiet you need to move to the middle of a field somewhere? Well, I did. And I don't step foot on public transport.
Got some noisy bastard cows near me and there's a cockerel but that's about the worst of it.

Hall84 · 10/11/2024 22:28

I am not quite 40. DD is 4. She either wears headphones (I have the bandou ones for comfort) or does not have the sound on.
Similarly if we are scooting home then she walks & pushes her scooter in the shop.
I also commute and nothing annoys me more!

Hateam · 10/11/2024 22:35

I have had to tolerate MANY women playing music through their phone's speaker on hospital wards in the last few months.

I don't know if they're stupid or selfish or both but I wanted to lock them inside a chemical toilet and set fire to it.

TitusMoan · 10/11/2024 22:36

StarDolphins · 10/11/2024 22:08

Yanbu. This is exactly as I find life now. It’s a fucking shambles.

This. It really is a fucking shambles.

People are just doing what the fuck they want, but they don’t like it when other people do what the fuck THEY want. Recipe for disaster.

ThatBusyPanda · 10/11/2024 22:36

Just spent two nights in hospital (antenatal ward) and a woman was watching TV with no headphones even after lights out - so incredibly inconsiderate!!!

Fizbosshoes · 10/11/2024 22:38

I'm the same age and often dread my commute to and from work from everyone elses annoying noise.
Either watching stuff without headphones or watching stuff using headphones on such a high volume you can still hear about 5 rows away, having unbelievably loud phone or face time conversations. (I have to say I also find people tapping on a keyboard annoying but accept that's probably a me-problem)
A girl on the train recently spent about 20 min on the phone very loudly discussing (although it didn't appear the recipient of the phone call got much airtime) quite personal, rude and potentially offensive stuff.

However according to posters on other threads the solution is for me to go to a quiet carriage (well duh, my train doesn't have such a thing) or wear noise cancelling headphones myself.

Branleuse · 10/11/2024 22:39

Ive asked people before on plane and on the train ' "excuse me, do you mind using headphones please, its just its ever so loud"

Ive done it a few times and the person has just said sorry and turned it off or used headphones, and I tell them thanks and that i appreciate it.

Hateam · 10/11/2024 22:40

Maybe people have always been this selfish but they didn't have access the devices that enable them to ruin other people's lives quite so easily in the past?

StarDolphins · 10/11/2024 22:44

Pickandmixmood · 10/11/2024 22:17

People strolling across the road in front of vehicles which have to slow down really pissed me off too.
I feel like mowing the selfish buggers down

This! I’m holding up the traffic on the main rd because you’ve read that you now have right of way so you’ve decided to arrogantly schmoozy across the road like a disabled snail just because you can😡

Apart from the oaps, I still find most v grateful & at least gesture a thank you.

shivermetimbers77 · 10/11/2024 22:46

Yep I hate this sort of behaviour, it’s the worst sort of selfishness ... If my DS wants to watch or play something on public transport he either uses headphones or has it on silent mode. I’ve explained to him that we have to be considerate of those around us and they won’t want to listen to loads of beeping sounds from his game. It’s pretty easy to enforce and just a basic part of the social contract, so why others can’t/don’t/won’t do it really bugs me.

PaminaMozart · 10/11/2024 22:48

Allfur · 10/11/2024 21:52

I always ask them to turn it down etc, the only time i say nothing is if i think they could be dangerous

Me too

Fizbosshoes · 10/11/2024 22:50

CatsLikeBoxes · 10/11/2024 22:15

People listening to music or watching videos on public transport with no headphones - whhhyyyy?

Recently seen an increase in kids riding scooters round shops, from H&M to supermarkets. Not even slowly right beside the adult, but freely as if in the park.

Just seems in a rise of people thinking it's fine to be utterly selfish.

I was in Tesco recently with teen DD. I was silently getting annoyed with a couple of kids whizzing about on scooters, (absolutely massive tesco, not obvious where parent/s were) when DD mentioned how stressful it was because of the annoying boys on scooters! So it's not just middle aged women getting grumpy about it!

ImADeadGirlWalking · 10/11/2024 22:52

I was at the cinema today watching Paddington 3 (an Everyman, not a cheapy vue mini morning!) and a young adult couple (with no kids) were more interested in fidgeting and snuggling on the sofa, being on their very bright phones with the odd puff of their vape than watching the film. If they see on the back row I probably wouldn't have noticed but they picked the centre of the front row! I don't get it. Why pay for a film if you're not even going to pretend to watch it! If you don't like the film just leave, but they stayed for the whole thing. The cinema has a really nice loungey seating area so you could even sit there if you were just there for the food/drink/vibes. So weird.

Also I was watching a kids film so there were young kids being a bit noisy and even a toddler running around. That didn't bother me as they were in the aisle and the parents ending up leaning early, I just thought it was a waste of money for the parents! It's the adults that I don't understand.

Also not slating Vue Mini mornings, they were great back in the day so I could work out whether my kids were ready for the cinema properly! 🤣

ForGreyKoala · 10/11/2024 22:52

username7891 · 10/11/2024 22:07

When I was a teenager people had walkmen with loud irritating tinny music. Then the discman, then the iPod etc. The Walkman was around in the 80s.

Edited

I had a walkman in the 80s - I always used it with headphones, as did others.

username7891 · 10/11/2024 22:57

ForGreyKoala · 10/11/2024 22:52

I had a walkman in the 80s - I always used it with headphones, as did others.

Yes, which is a point I picked up on later in the thread. The headphones were crap and you could hear people's music through them.

Fizbosshoes · 10/11/2024 23:03

username7891 · 10/11/2024 22:57

Yes, which is a point I picked up on later in the thread. The headphones were crap and you could hear people's music through them.

I still hear lots of people's music through their headphones!

username7891 · 10/11/2024 23:04

Fizbosshoes · 10/11/2024 23:03

I still hear lots of people's music through their headphones!

So do I!

Sworkmum · 10/11/2024 23:07

YANBU I have seen this a lot and it also drives me mad. There is no need. That and everyone seems to be having their phone conversations on loud speaker !?? Why!!!

Kids watching annoying programmes on full volume really grates on me. I don't get how the parents can't pick up that that's hugely annoying to many people. At least turn it down if not able to use headphones

QueefofSheena · 10/11/2024 23:13

I always say something, or there always Motörhead

BeardofHagrid · 10/11/2024 23:18

Youre not wrong OP.

Orphlids · 10/11/2024 23:23

The last three times I have been to the theatre, I have had to ask other members of the audience to stop talking. And earlier this year, I went to the opera (significant production, sought after tickets) and had to tell the woman next to me to stop filming it on her phone. She looked at me as though I was completely bonkers and unreasonable. Satisfyingly, she didn’t return after the interval. And these are just the people sitting in close proximity to me - I imagine the whole audience must be peppered with similar inconsiderate ARSEHOLES.

benefitstaxcredithelp · 10/11/2024 23:34

It’s both op. It’s your perception of it as you get old and the change in society.