My owner won't let me eat birds anymore

[AHungryCat]

What should I do? She tried to talk to me about it but fgs

Refuse the expensive, prepared stuff. Insist on freshly caught organic.

😂you better behave or you’ll end up with a bell which will be SO UNCOOL

Are you still allowed to eat mice?

FUCK OFF about the bell! No way, All my mates - Jeffrey at 57 in particular - would not stop taking the piss.

Lsst time I ripped it off and left it by the bins

If they put the collar on you, just pretend to choke on it. Gagging noises are great to attract the attention.

If they try make you stay in doors be aware of this odd box they will try to make you do your business in it…..it’s so humiliating

Try mice. Very tasty and owners are usually
glad to be rid of them.

PS leave the kidneys. Preferably where they can be stood on by said owners. Hours of catty fun!

This is easy, OP. Just leave and find an "owner" more to your liking. It's what many of us do.

Piss up their curtains

My owner had to rescue a baby magpie I brought in. She remonstrates with me about all the rodents I leave on the sun terrace but she know a cat has got to cat.
Apparently there are frequent heated debates with her mother about getting me a collar and bell.
I've heard her say' fuck that shit'.
I'll often leave the liver of rodents around the house.
Such fun.

@EerieSilence chokes in cat

Owner FFS? What the hell is wrong with you? She's your slave, not your owner. Now cat up and make it clear to her that you're the boss and you make the decisions. Honestly. I don't know what the world is coming to.

As I’ve aged I find birds a bit challenging anyway, however mice seem to be accessible. I’m not too clear on the details, they seem to come in a range of sizes and speeds, and I did hear them talking about a “Siberian hamster” that I left as a gift the other day (not even dead either). But great sport all round, Highly Recommend 👍

😿🙀😿

Is a bird to a cat like the chicken to a Mumsnetter?
How many meals do you get out of it?

Have you thought about upgrading to a tasty squirrel?

Jeffrey?
Is that you?

Nip over the road and just do some pitiful meowing with sad eyes. Et voila! Fresh new slave for you. (probably an upgrade in food, too). 😸

Who do you think you're kidding? We know you're nicking Jimberley what lives in the garages behind number 9's leftovers and claiming them as your own.

We've been watching you make a complete tit of yourself from our warm windowsills for the last six years in between little snacks and treats (as are our regal entitlement - kind of like the Civil List for some humans) and the only thing you've ever caught has been a slug on your arse when you fell asleep in one of the big plant pots.

I find that a furball on the carpet sorts this type of malarkey out.

@NeverDropYourMooncup
YOU

I thought i had styled that out

"Slug on your arse...". That's known as the "Slug bus".

Oh come off it OP. If you were actually eating the birds, your owner (? Owner?) wouldn't know about it.

Fess up - you're not doing this because you're hungry.

Get new staff. Don't know who these humans think they are? You'd think they own the place!

Love bombing is the answer. Show your love for your owner by bringing many wonderful gifts. Start off small, say a nice little mouse, gradually increase the offerings - a rat perhaps a squirrel. Frogs always get a good reaction here ! Soon enough you’ll be able to do as you please again