Ex P Bought Second Hand Pram

[Mumtobe799]

I’m expecting a baby soon. My ex and I split up in my first trimester and I have not spoken to him in over 3 months, all communication goes through my family.

I’ve had a really difficult pregnancy and I have suffered from significant mental health issues. My ex knows I really struggle with germs/mould and have experienced ocd anxiety and even psychosis in the past.

I’ve been buying everything for our unborn child. My ex asked my family if he could help buy anything yesterday and then today I’ve had a message saying he’s bought a pram. I was honestly shocked but very thankful as that was something I was going to buy.

I then received a picture of a well used, second hand pram purchased for maybe a 1/5th of the new price. You can clearly see mud all over the wheels and marks on the material. The pram is my ‘dream pram’ but instead of being a dark colour it’s bright white, so shows up the marks really badly.

I know I sound so ungrateful but my ex has been really negative about the pregnancy and I honestly feel like he’s purposely bought my dream pram but a well used one in bright white, knowing the white will stress me out with marks everywhere and I will feel really, really uncomfortable with the germ situation. The thought of putting my baby in it or him putting my baby in it makes me physically sick.

My ex is not struggling for money, his monthly car lease is 3x what he spent on this pram. I feel he’s bought it to say ‘look I’ve done so much’ but in reality he knows it’s a waste of money and has upset me.

Yes to this! Shame him kmt! 👏👏👏

What makes him a poor excuse of a father? OP said he is a good dad to the children he already has, he wants to be involved in this baby’s life, so where you getting a poor excuse of a father from? Because he bought a secondhand pram?

Yes and it's not just second hand is it? It's in bad condition and dirty. Would you buy a dirty in bad condition pram for your baby? I bet most people on here would buy the best they could and if that meant second hand they would at least get one in good clean condition. I'd rather have a cheaper brand but new pushchair than a expensive brand but second hand and disgusting condition.
Plus just because he's a good Dad to his other kids doesn't necessarily mean he will be to this one. Some people do treat kids with a different mum different. I'm sure you've heard of men abandoning their kids then going on to have a second family and treating them better! Or the other way. It'd hardly unheard of!

There are professional pram cleaning services which are great

But tbh I would emphasize that newborns need germ free (toddlers could handle a bit of mud) and that you need to be sure wheels etc are in good working order as you're on your own. I had a second hand one (that I got professionally cleaned) and it was very annoying as only realized one wheel was dodgy when I took baby out for first time post c section. Took me ages to sort out as single mum and long to do list.

In terms of letting yourself get upset about his attitude etc - talk this through with a therapist. He will pull stunts like that constantly and you need to build tough skin to stop him being able to affect your mood. Drop any thoughts of 'he should' or 'I wish he would ' or 'why doesn't he' as they will drive you mad

Me too and I agree

That's totally ok op

Why does he need his own pram? My child's father doesn't he just picks baby and pram up together. I don't need the pram when he has the baby

Get a book called 'how to annihilate a narcissist in the family court'

The pram I really wanted was around £1k for the full bundle, so pretty average price for a new pram these days.

That is definitely not the average price.
I don’t know anyone who would spend that on a pram.

You cannot force him to buy the baby things when you’re pregnant (which I think is completely unfair as dads should be as responsible).
And if you did you couldn’t force him to get certain things in certain colours anyway.

If you really can’t cope with this pram then buy yourself a cheap one and tell him to keep that one at his for when he has the baby.

I wouldn’t contact him anymore.
He knows how to contact you.

Once the baby is born then get CM payments asap.

Were you the OW?
There seems to be a lot of secrecy around your pregnancy.

Hi @Mumtobe799 ,
Is this his first child?

I wouldn't accept a
manky pram.
The man child has money. So
Provide for your child if you wanted to be a tight should have bought a condom.

May sure you claim CM. Use that to buy a decent pram. Good luck.

Also u really need to understand the u are a single parent.

They less you expect the less disappointed you will be.

He left when OP found out she was pregnant, showed no interest when mum and baby’s lives were at risk, only communicates with OP via family members, he doesn’t want to go on the birth certificate and is asking for a DNA test from his partner of five years.

Not exactly father of the fucking year.

Edited to add that he also turned down OP’s offer to see the baby the day it’s born (a planned c section).

I have done absolutely everything to include him; scan pictures and updates on baby through my family, asked if he wanted to meet the baby when they’re born and when we were more amicable I invited him to early appointments.

He has not been to one appointment and he’s asked if the baby was ok maybe once or twice. I have never asked for anything from him since we broke up, it was him who messaged my family to ask if he could do anything and subsequently bought a pram the next day.

None of his family have ever reached out during my pregnancy.

I’m now at the point where I’m not even going to update him through my family. I’ll be giving birth and he can go to court for access if he wants it. I would rather have no financial contribution from him and never have to deal with him again than put up with rubbish. I am so angry for my child, they deserve the world but I know I have enough love to give them on my own.

't was 100% done to hurt me. I can promise you it would have made no difference for him to go on the internet and order it.'

How has it hurt you? He bought you something you don't like and you don't have to use it!

You were planning on buying your own one anyway!

Just give it away if you won't use it.

It was done to hurt me. He knew I wouldn’t use a dirty second hand pram as I’d feel ashamed.

So whilst he has the money to spend on himself and his children from a previous relationship he buys my child a second hand pram which says ‘I don’t care’ to me. He also knows I have OCD around things like that.

You might have not experienced it but it’s heart breaking to see his other children being treated really well and my child being treated not well just because they’re my child and my ex hates me.

Nah I understand too. You're getting a hard time but he knew what he was doing.
.

The simple answer, is because he got more than he wanted. He wanted to be able to be with a younger girl, to manipulate her into what he wanted. I'm going to suspect that he actually really wanted an abortion so he could continue trying to live care free. It's very easy for someone to be a weekend dad, to put themselves first. I believe you were niave to think he was or is a good person. Even now your relationship with him is all about him, not about you. He thinks you are being a silly little girl who needs to be disciplined. He's vindictive because he's not got his own way. You need to start to look differently at him and realise that you were (at the beginning of the relationship) needing something he was offering.

Let's hope.
OP needn't be worried about prams and more concerned about reconnecting and getting back with partner

I don’t know what’s wrong with these people OP.

@VividJadeSquid I just assumed from the user name they were religious and didn't approve of baby outside of marriage / relationship. Thankfully we've moved on and we don't have to stay with partners who aren't a good fit for us anymore, whether we have children or not

Not sure what you mean by your comment. OP is pregnant with a child that she is planning to raise alone when her ex(?) Partner appears to be wanting to build bridges
IMO, that's worth considering in the best interests of all, especially the baby

I’m not sure why you would even
chose to have a child with this man tbh

You have completely ignored the fact you need help for your MH - ignoring this will do so much more damage to your baby than a second hand pram

you need to detach from this man

you are comparing his relationship with his children and you haven’t even had your baby yet

you mention his income a lot too

he could be on to you!

@GivingitToGod
Did you actually read the ops posts ?

He cheated on her
He doesn't believe the baby is his
He left her in her 1st trimester
He's never asked after the baby
He's never been to a hospital appointment
He never checked to see how she was when she was seriously ill
He doesn't want to be on the birth certificate
He doesn't want to be at the birth

What part of any of that makes you think he wants to build bridges and get back together and why would she be wanting to reconnect with someone who obviously doesn't want to be with her 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Babies aren't as precious germ wise as people think.

You'll likely be putting baby in a hospital cot with '100 hand' blankets and a mattress!

It will be fine with a good clean