Do you know what. I’ve read through all the comments on here, and I can see that all of the comments are pretty much the same. I just want to say, I hear you, I know exactly where you’re coming from as my ex husband was the same. He still is to a degree, as he’s a narcisstic person who comes across as the dutiful father & an ‘amazing Dad’ in public, but behind closed doors, the man was a complete and utter twat!
so here goes my more ‘maturer side of me’ advice.
you can poke it or take it, but either way this is in no way aimed at criticism to any of the comments here, or yourself @BelleSauvage9. Believe me this is being offered by someone who has had months of intensive therapy to learn how to deal with this type of person because we share our kids. 😤
He has said to you ‘wake me up’ which you’ve responded. I shouldn’t have to, you should do it automatically without me having to ask. Right?
However, in another sentence you’ve said ‘what’s the point, as I’m already awake, I can’t get back to sleep so I’m awake anyway’…..that’s the problem. You’re asking him to change or consider your feelings, but when he gives you a solution, by saying wake me up, (which I agree, you shouldn’t have too) your more or less giving him the excuse to not do it as you’ve told him ‘there’s no point’. Does that make sense? It’s mixed messages and confusing. A man’s brain isn’t empathetic or emotionally involved, unlike women’s and Mums brains. I’ve learned this over time.
Another example where we let the girl code down-
‘Husband-what would you like for Xmas?
Wife-‘Dont worry about buying me anything this year, let’s just focus on buying for the kids as I don’t need anything’
Xmas morning- Wife then gives Husband a gift. (Maybe a pair of socks, doesn’t need to be anything big, but you’ve bought him a gift’
Husband then says “I didn’t think we were buying for each other this year, so I haven’t bought you anything’…….
Wife and Husband then go to family or friends for Xmas lunch. Someone says to Husband, ‘what did you get for Xmas from your Wife? he replies ‘oh Wife got me some socks’
same person says to Wife, what did you get from your Husband’ and Wife then proceeds to say ‘He didn't get me anything’ which makes Husband look like an utter arse, as you’ve gifted him something, and he’s not got you anything in return’.
Husband then says ‘I didn’t get you anything as you told me we weren’t buying for each other this year and to just focus on the kids’ he also then goes onto say to the other person in front of you. ‘Did you buy your Wife that watch/bag/whatever, you were telling me you were thinking of getting her?’ Which then pisses you off even more, that’s he’s been helping one of his mates out and giving advice on what his mate should buy his wife for Xmas, but didn’t think to buy you anything, because he was told not to get anything as you weren’t buying for each other this year….
Wife then gets even more peeved off as she’s thinking ‘I know I said that, but I didn’t really expect him to not buy me anything’….so straight away it’s a conflict that’s been caused by Wife confusing husband by giving him mixed messages, but in reality, Wife is expecting him to think outside the box and do something for her without him having to be given a clear instruction.
Animosity then builds up during the day, Wife is getting fed up of being asked by everyone what she got for Xmas from Husband, whilst she has to listen to all the other women saying ‘oh my husband bought me this, and I got that’ which fuels ever more anger!
So in a nutshell, what I’m trying to say is. We don’t always help ourselves, as sometimes we just expect men to read our minds. They can’t do that as they don’t think the same way we do and their brains are like peanuts!
What you need to do is say ‘right, you know you’ve given your Nephew advice about getting up in the morning and letting his wife have a lie in? It would be really appreciated if you could do that for me…..Saturday/Sunday….whatever day, then get him to agree.
So the days leading up to the Saturday or whatever day it is, you keep reinforcing the message by saying ‘oh I can’t wait for my lie in on Saturday, when you can bring me tea in bed, and sort the kids out’….this way it’s in the front of his mind, he’s got something to aim for, his teeny tiny little brain can them prepare himself for it!!
Then on the Friday night, say to him have you set the alarm for the morning’ so again, he’s getting positive reinforcement…..then hopefully he will do it!
That way, your setting out your expectations in advance, you’ve both got a clear objective in your heads of what your doing on Saturday morning, he will then feel like he’s the first man in the world to ever get up and make you tea and give you a lie in. (Trust me, men will tell everyone this one time they did this and look for constant validation from everyone, as they always play up to it!)
You get to relax a bit. Even if you’re awake, watch a bit of TV, read a book, flick through your phone….whatever you do to relax.
make sure the kids know that’s Dads in charge today, so they can perhaps join in and make you tea and toast in bed, but then leave you to have your chill out time.
That way, you get your rest, Hubby feels great for making you happy, Dad gets to spend time with the kids, and does all the running around, so hopefully then recognises what your days are like. He appreciates you more and there is limited acrimony and anger as you’ve all got the outcome you wanted from it.
if all that fails & he still doesn’t get the hint of message, then divorce the pig and find someone who does appreciate you more!!! 😜