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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boyfriends kink

515 replies

Kneebonefuture · 09/11/2024 22:27

So kind of a rude one, so I won't go into specifics. And he's not my boyfriend, he's an old fling who has been a friend for 15 years, and we were kind of thinking of getting together, but no idea how to word that.

I've always known he had a slightly kinky side, nothing mad just a little bit more adventurous than me. However he has recently revealed a kink/hobby? That i never knew about, he seemed totally ashamed and called himself a loser, a weirdo and dirty. Its really not my thing, but I don't like to judge, so just said it wasn't anything to be ashamed of and laughed it off. Hes since seemed to take that as a green light that I'm also into it. Constantly referring to it, bringing it up and fitting it into conversations that hold no relevance. And even sending photos. Should I just call things off with him, as it doesn't appear we are a match or just tell him I'm not into it, how would I even word that? Please no nasty comments, I'm a really shy and introverted person and get confused with boundary setting occasionally. Thanks 😊

OP posts:
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6
NotARealWookiie · 10/11/2024 07:08

Namechangey23 · 10/11/2024 07:04

Eww. Do people really do this? It's sexualising babies and things to do with babies. So so gross. Surely it's one small step away from being a paedophile?! Surely any sane women not being paid or drugged to do this would run a billion miles from this? Just horrible!

Yes they do. A group of them even booked out a private party at a soft play in West Sussex and it was in the local papers.

cantthinkofausername26 · 10/11/2024 07:14

Eww he is giving serious ick vibes

Trixiefirecracker · 10/11/2024 07:38

Your boundaries are clearly very flaky. You need to put a stop to it now and make it crystal clear that you are not interested in any of this and he needs to stop messaging you about it. Whatever it is!

CallMeFlo · 10/11/2024 07:48

Ffs we're all adults. Just say what it is for goodness sake.

I hate when people do this in threads. Half a bloody story

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/11/2024 07:50

You could just reply no thank you and block. He doesn’t care about your dignity and boundaries. Do not give him any care either.

Firstimpressions · 10/11/2024 07:53

I feel sorry you ever had anything to do with this man OP. I would have ran for the hills the first time he suggested whatever it is that gave you the ick.

Summerhillsquare · 10/11/2024 07:57

Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/11/2024 00:09

The true kink is talking about it when you are obviously not interested and uncomfortable. On that basis, I'd say "get rid" and no need to explain. Just ghost, block and avoid.

This this this!!

Like vegans, part of the high is telling people, whether they want telt or not.

And for some paraphilias, the shame is also part of it, so OP is right not to engage at all. Just step away.

banivani · 10/11/2024 08:25

OP, you seem really funny and smart! You deserve better than wasting time being nice to this creepy eejit. Good luck with telling him off!

This thread is a delight btw. Bring back shame!

Clytemnestra21 · 10/11/2024 08:25

@Interl0per this is really useful

Wolframandhart · 10/11/2024 08:37

Kneebonefuture · 10/11/2024 01:12

I really badly don't see how meeting up can happen now, hes made it seem like its something that's going to happen between us and its a big no from me.

That alone is enough to end it. He isnt respecting you it will all be about what he wants. No future here.

WellHelloScottie · 10/11/2024 08:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Everyone is getting carried away with the laughs and forgetting the actual original post.

Op has a daughter and needs to keep safe.
If you are not into kinks then stop entertaining this man.

Allthehorsesintheworld · 10/11/2024 08:48

Kneebonefuture · 09/11/2024 23:14

I'm not going to lie, its not that but he is into that aswel

He’s done the “poor me, I’m a loser, boo hoo you won’t like me any more” to make you feel sorry for him and therefore easier to reel in.
He then becomes more affectionate, bombards you with his kink material so it feels more normalised to you.
Shows he’s manipulative.
And if he gets you involved how do you know there won’t be photos, film that can get online.
I’d get rid.

Didn’t realise you have a child. Definitely dump and block him.

WellHelloScottie · 10/11/2024 08:50

Lavenderfarmcottage · 10/11/2024 05:46

I think just say that on further thought, while you don’t judge him or think it’s a big deal, you think that you’d be sexually incompatible. Maybe say it made you realise how beige you are and unadventurous and what you truly want. That you want the sort of man who is excited by good old fashioned vanilla sex & seeing you naked. Tell him you have moved into an era where you want emotional, traditional, pillow princess sex with a connection. Maybe you could also say that it’s not primarily about the kink but that you realise you want the real thing and to build a relationship with someone you want mystery, romance, rhat there’s too much water under the bridge & you just feel like there’s not that deep connection you need.

Edited

Or she could just say No.

RunningOutOfImaginitiveUsernames · 10/11/2024 08:53

Namechangey23 · 10/11/2024 07:04

Eww. Do people really do this? It's sexualising babies and things to do with babies. So so gross. Surely it's one small step away from being a paedophile?! Surely any sane women not being paid or drugged to do this would run a billion miles from this? Just horrible!

Think it can be more common with those who work in high pressure jobs. Like going back to be looked after, rather than wanting to have sex dressed as a baby.

It would give me the immediate ick but to each their own as long as they're not hurting anyone...and keeping it away from me!!

@Kneebonefuture has the kink been suggested on this thread?

5128gap · 10/11/2024 08:54

Summerhillsquare · 10/11/2024 07:57

This this this!!

Like vegans, part of the high is telling people, whether they want telt or not.

And for some paraphilias, the shame is also part of it, so OP is right not to engage at all. Just step away.

You get a high from telling people you're vegan? That's quite unusual. Most people are just explaining why they're declining the cake.

IVbumble · 10/11/2024 08:56

Is it him wearing a chastity device?

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 10/11/2024 09:01

Lancastrienne · 09/11/2024 23:16

Agp

🎯

LawyersWig · 10/11/2024 09:02

Kneebonefuture · 09/11/2024 23:19

Thank you everyone you've all been so kind. I was really expecting the worst in responses. I'm just going to have to be brave and tell him to knock it off.

black and white 90s GIF

Knock it off 🤣

Yes I'm sure he does regularly.

Run away from the guy. He's a pervert and weirdo. Serial killer in the making.....

jaundicedoutlook · 10/11/2024 09:03

When we get to the bottom of it we’ll find out it’s just cycling…

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 10/11/2024 09:09

Pisssflapps · 10/11/2024 00:19

Stone me , showing our age here.

Would you like me........... to be the cat?

Here puss puss. I once met Rula Lenska. She was tall as fook

A friend of mine once got Rula Lenska mixed up with Rutger Hauer.

That made for a confusing 10 minutes. 🫤

LawyersWig · 10/11/2024 09:09
Donald Trump Pervert GIF

Lol

Lolapusht · 10/11/2024 09:14

Here is your 🚩 “…he seemed totally ashamed and called himself a loser, a weirdo and dirty”.

Whatever the highly entertaining kink is, he’s not doing it as a well-balanced, rounded individual. Sex/kink shouldn’t make you feel dirty and if they do you’re doing them for the wrong reasons. Also, you can bet his search history will make you run 🤢 Sounds like he’s too far gone to have a normal relationship/fun with.

LawyersWig · 10/11/2024 09:17
Sexy Channel 9 GIF by Married At First Sight Australia

Fabulous 🐂🤣

BournardTourney · 10/11/2024 09:21

Tell us using numbers, then you never told us!

Boyfriends kink
ByQuaintAzureWasp · 10/11/2024 09:28

... I think you have got tge wrong impression. Your kink is definitely not something I am 'up for' so please refrain now from se ding photos or discussing further.