Boyfriends kink

[Kneebonefuture]

So kind of a rude one, so I won't go into specifics. And he's not my boyfriend, he's an old fling who has been a friend for 15 years, and we were kind of thinking of getting together, but no idea how to word that.

I've always known he had a slightly kinky side, nothing mad just a little bit more adventurous than me. However he has recently revealed a kink/hobby? That i never knew about, he seemed totally ashamed and called himself a loser, a weirdo and dirty. Its really not my thing, but I don't like to judge, so just said it wasn't anything to be ashamed of and laughed it off. Hes since seemed to take that as a green light that I'm also into it. Constantly referring to it, bringing it up and fitting it into conversations that hold no relevance. And even sending photos. Should I just call things off with him, as it doesn't appear we are a match or just tell him I'm not into it, how would I even word that? Please no nasty comments, I'm a really shy and introverted person and get confused with boundary setting occasionally. Thanks 😊

I was on a dating site years ago and a man messaged me and said he liked to "explore his fem dom side" with his ex wife including cross dressing. There was nothing, and I mean nothing at all on my bio to indicate I'd be remotely interested in this. Anyway, I politely messaged back to say no thanks I don't think we have much in common, but good luck, and he went fucking crackers, off the rails with the slurs and insults. I messaged him back and said "You're a fucking creep, and you're blocked and reported".

So yep, maybe it's fear. I get angry when I'm attacked, a lot of women seem to get submissive and bend over backwards to avoid conflict with men.

Even if men don't respond quite that abusively, women are forever being conditioned to "be kind" at their own expense. I was never that sort of woman but I see it everywhere.

Trump supporter?

I am not meaning to at all place any blame towards you as obviously the guy on the site was a creep, but why did you feel the need to politely message back? Would it not have been better to ignore the message? On OLD you get to choose who you respond to and I think it's a good thing to promote that we, as women, don't always have to respond or justify ourselves. I would have done in the past for sure and found myself in conversations id rather not have.

Male paraphilias get more obsessive and you will never be rid of this guy shoving it in your face and trying to coerce you into his kink. You either kick him out if you are not into his fetishes or you become a willing victim. No pity for you if you do not set your boundaries at this stage.

If it is anything to do with forced fem or the sissy community then RUN.

It isn't as simple as a man dressing up, that community has sickening ties to racism and misogyny. It is actually vile and not innocent fun whatsoever. I am extremely open minded and have my own kinks, but I couldn't even be friends with someone into that particular community.

If it is chastity/cock cages or things like that, you have to decide whether you are comfortable being the dominant partner and men like that tend to start slow and then get more and more hardcore as they get desensitised.

I agree with almost everything in your post apart from the "scumsnet" reference. I find most of the suggestions on here absolutely gross. Despite calling myself libera,l which I am in some aspects (seemingly by this post vanilla). But what we do agree on is it is the OPs boundaries that needed to be respected. As I advised in my post.. Since I've posted I've seen there will be no meet up, so well done for OP asserting and maintaining their boundaries.

You probably feel like a bitch because the new 'kink shaming' is not shaming people who have the kink, but instead shaming people who don't have the kink in case they inadvertently shame the one who has the kink by being turned off by it 😵

Thanks so much for making me laugh @Reserved101 and @TheHangingGardensOfBasildon . 😁😁😁😁

Have been idly following this thread in case anyone mentioned the paraphilia enjoyed (well, needed apparently) by an ex-friend of mine. He has an injury fetish. Did anyone else see David Cronenberg's Crash? Beautiful and disturbing film; I thought it was some minority edge fetish until I met this guy. Turns out there's loads of them, both sexes. He's got a room full of prostheses, supports and mobility aids.

Most of them fake injuries and disabilities, but it's wildly exciting for them when someone gets hurt for real. Our mutual friend said he was incredibly helpful when she smashed her leg in a road accident - she knew why he was so interested, but all the same she needed lots of support and he had all the right medical equipment 😳😂

You have to take some responsibility in the way you are seeing this issue as hoot instead of being clear with him.

Your first mistake was laughing it off. You should have said that while you didn't judge him, his kinks left you cold and wanted to have nothing with them.

You've further aggravated the problem by not communicating clearly with him again. Sending him a text saying "Stop. I'm not interested. I don't want to judge you but stop sending me stuff I profoundly dislike. Again, I don't like or share your sexual preferences"

Trust me, he'll never send you stuff giving you the ick again.

I was new to dating sites, and was polite to all of the men who messaged politely to start with. This was about two weeks in. After that I simply blocked anyone who gave me any sort of a bad vibe, with no explanation and not the tiniest bit of guilt :)

There's a nasty, relentless little underbelly to scumsnet, with some really determined fetishists and "liberals" who consider themselves terribly open minded and who take enormous exception to the reality that they're in the minority. I'm glad they haven't descended on you or OP.

Just say:
“Sorry if I gave the wrong impression, and whilst I still think you shouldn’t feel ashamed of being into XXX, it isn’t something that interests me”. And leave it there. Either you will be important enough for him to stop mentioning it, or it’ll be something he’s so into that it will be a dealbreaker for him in progressing any kind of relationship with someone who isn’t interested in it.

Farting in your mouth whilst dressed as Boris Johnson?

It’s a nappy isn’t it? He likes to dress as a baby

Absolutely my money is on this! He likes wearing nappies......👶

next time he messages you just say look I hope you know that I am not going there. Better though is to throw him back. He isn’t respecting your boundaries at all and I wouldn’t put yourself in a position where he tries to force this onto you. He needs to respect you said no, and mean no.

I think just say that on further thought, while you don’t judge him or think it’s a big deal, you think that you’d be sexually incompatible. Maybe say it made you realise how beige you are and unadventurous and what you truly want. That you want the sort of man who is excited by good old fashioned vanilla sex & seeing you naked. Tell him you have moved into an era where you want emotional, traditional, pillow princess sex with a connection. Maybe you could also say that it’s not primarily about the kink but that you realise you want the real thing and to build a relationship with someone you want mystery, romance, rhat there’s too much water under the bridge & you just feel like there’s not that deep connection you need.

Also, please don’t respond OP because I really don’t want you to, you don’t want to and that’s what it is, I’d hate to have pressured you.

this is directed at the other posters…

I was just about to post about the role play of being a baby and being burped. My money is also on this.

I don’t think baby men are that rare, he’s just taking it to another level.

Cross dressing

Trying to read between OP's lines, I am getting dresses as a young girl. Either school uniform or frilly dress with little girl pants that he has wet himself in.

I would cut this off. There are so many things in this situation that rub me the wrong way.

It almost seems manipulative with the seeming shameful about it and then a complete turn around to almost obsession over it after you didn't even give a clear preference.
Like he was using the shame so maybe you would push your own boundaries as to not make him feel bad about it and then because you didn't give a definite stance on it he is pushing more and being way over the top about it. Then the photo sending is completely inappropriate and absolutely pushing boundaries. With this type of person trying to logically tell them it isn't something you are into isn't going to do anything. I can see him still pushing the issue.

He’s an adult baby isn’t he? Wears nappies?

Sounds like a misunderstanding. Because you weren’t clear it wasn’t appealing to you, he’s trying to get you into it.

If you’re still interested in a relationship without the kink, I’d word it like: “I’m still interested in getting together but I’m 100% not into that myself. So, if it’s a deal-breaker for you, let’s stay as friends”.

If this has put you off getting together with him, something like: “I’m glad you’ve let me know about this, and obvs won’t tell a soul, but I’m 100% not into it. Looks like we’re not well matched when it comes to sex, so let’s stay as friends”.

Good luck!

Eww. Do people really do this? It's sexualising babies and things to do with babies. So so gross. Surely it's one small step away from being a paedophile?! Surely any sane women not being paid or drugged to do this would run a billion miles from this? Just horrible!