Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriends kink

515 replies

Kneebonefuture · 09/11/2024 22:27

So kind of a rude one, so I won't go into specifics. And he's not my boyfriend, he's an old fling who has been a friend for 15 years, and we were kind of thinking of getting together, but no idea how to word that.

I've always known he had a slightly kinky side, nothing mad just a little bit more adventurous than me. However he has recently revealed a kink/hobby? That i never knew about, he seemed totally ashamed and called himself a loser, a weirdo and dirty. Its really not my thing, but I don't like to judge, so just said it wasn't anything to be ashamed of and laughed it off. Hes since seemed to take that as a green light that I'm also into it. Constantly referring to it, bringing it up and fitting it into conversations that hold no relevance. And even sending photos. Should I just call things off with him, as it doesn't appear we are a match or just tell him I'm not into it, how would I even word that? Please no nasty comments, I'm a really shy and introverted person and get confused with boundary setting occasionally. Thanks 😊

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
BustyMcgoober · 09/11/2024 22:29

Urgh he’s a boundary pusher. Absolute creep. Throw him back.

Changingplace · 09/11/2024 22:29

If it’s not your thing you need to tell him really straight you’re not into it, it’s not fair to let him think you’re up for whatever it is he has in mind.

username7891 · 09/11/2024 22:31

Just tell him that there's a miscommunication and you're not interested.

Spagettifunctional · 09/11/2024 22:33

If it’s not your thing then he’s not the one for you either for something casual or serious

just say to him you are not wanting anything at the moment - I wouldn’t really embarrass him or that but you could say you are on different wavelengths

NinaLively · 09/11/2024 22:33

I think you need to work on your boundary setting before entering into a relationship ad you could easily end up in a situation where you're doing things you don't want to do.

fourelementary · 09/11/2024 22:37

Hey Friend
a bit awkward, but I wanted you to know that -insert link here- isn’t my thing at all. I didn’t want you to feel bad and put yourself down about it when you first told me, as it’s up to you what you like and no harm is being done so each to their own. However this didn’t mean it was something I’d like to hear about or be involved in. No big deal though, just wanted to clear this up.
Speak soon… etc.

Noseybookworm · 09/11/2024 22:37

It's fine to tell him that he's misconstrued your comment and that you're just not into whatever it is, no judgement! If you think you're incompatible because of this, you should end it now and not drag it out.

Interl0per · 09/11/2024 22:38

Where are you on this spectrum, OP,:

  1. This is illegal/abusive

  2. I don't like this, and you being into it is giving me the ick

  3. I don't like this, I don't care that other people do, but bringing it into our bedroom is giving me the ick

  4. it's not my thing but I'll do it (occasionally) because my partner loves it

  5. it's not really my thing, but it's not a big deal and my partner loves it so we can do it whenever.

If you're on a 2-3 but he's saying "I'm a weirdo," and you reply "I'm not judging" he may interpret that conversation as "lots of women would have a problem with this, but OP seems OK with it"

You both need to be clear on where you stand

FloofPaws · 09/11/2024 22:39

If his sexual preferences aren't your thing then don't get involved again. All the bollocks about I hate myself is so you feel bad for him. He needs to find a person who enjoys what he enjoys

EasyTouch · 09/11/2024 22:46

Throw him back.
And no, you are in no way responsible for him maybe thinking that you are up for his kink.
Like all line steppers, he is taking your politeness for you being a fool.
But the fact is, he has the type of character where he thinks he has the right to wear you down into compliance.
Hence why you have to throw him back. You saying directly that you are not into what he is will only be a challenge to him if you keep proximity to him. I hope you understand that.
So no placating and letting things hinge on him respecting your boundaries.
As for "kink shaming".....that is a load of bollocks. No stigma means no effing kink.
Don't let this zeitgeist or your kinky friend fool you.

MumOfOneAllAlone · 09/11/2024 22:46

Omg op, what's the kink?

YarkYark · 09/11/2024 22:49

As usual 1st 11th post nails it!

Pisssflapps · 09/11/2024 22:51

Its being pegged isnt it?

Carouselfish · 09/11/2024 22:51

I'd tell him you found it very unsexy and actually boring. That's a way of closing the door without the possibility of him thinking he can talk you round.

Nchanged89 · 09/11/2024 22:52

I think it's balloons.
Or custard, one of those two for sure.

Pisssflapps · 09/11/2024 22:53

Nchanged89 · 09/11/2024 22:52

I think it's balloons.
Or custard, one of those two for sure.

Sploshing.

Original poster
Kneebonefuture · 09/11/2024 22:55

Pisssflapps · 09/11/2024 22:51

Its being pegged isnt it?

Lol nope

OP posts:
Pisssflapps · 09/11/2024 22:56

He wants you to urinate on him.

MumOfOneAllAlone · 09/11/2024 22:57

Kneebonefuture · 09/11/2024 22:55

Lol nope

Show quote history

Cuckolding?

Sparklfairy · 09/11/2024 22:57

He likes wearing women's underwear?

Original poster
Kneebonefuture · 09/11/2024 22:59

Interl0per · 09/11/2024 22:38

Where are you on this spectrum, OP,:

  1. This is illegal/abusive

  2. I don't like this, and you being into it is giving me the ick

  3. I don't like this, I don't care that other people do, but bringing it into our bedroom is giving me the ick

  4. it's not my thing but I'll do it (occasionally) because my partner loves it

  5. it's not really my thing, but it's not a big deal and my partner loves it so we can do it whenever.

If you're on a 2-3 but he's saying "I'm a weirdo," and you reply "I'm not judging" he may interpret that conversation as "lots of women would have a problem with this, but OP seems OK with it"

You both need to be clear on where you stand

It's definitely 2/3
When he first came out with it, I was non plussed as I dont care what other people get up to. But him bringing it up is giving me the ick. Which makes me feel like a bitch.

I do feel like it's creepy for us to have had 1 conversation about it and then for him to keep laying it on me without any indication from me that its something I'd enjoy. Some of the comments have made me realise its not exactly gentlemanly behaviour and is ignoring my signals.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kneebonefuture · 09/11/2024 23:01

Judging by the comments so far, I'm realising its a lot more "out there" than I originally thought. No wonder he's so surprised i didn't immediately block him.

OP posts:
Renamed · 09/11/2024 23:03

Then tell him straight he’s got it wrong and you don’t want to hear about it or discuss it. If he takes that badly he’s definitely not boyfriend material and really not even your friend. He seems to be only viewing you now as a potential participant in whatever it is.

Pisssflapps · 09/11/2024 23:03
Furries Furry Fandom GIF by 60 Second Docs

Furries?

Gettingbysomehow · 09/11/2024 23:03

My ex husband suddenly got into kink and was incessantly trying to push my boundaries. Im not into it at all. To the point where I got really upset and felt sickened by it.
We are now divorced. You need to tell him you are not interested and its not your thing and if he wont keave it then you know you have to get rid of him.