Grandparents treating dc and step dc differently

[Gottoshare]

And my ‘rebalancing’ of things has been discovered 😬

We have 2 dc and dh has 2 dc from a previous relationship. Everyone gets on well, I adore his dc they are lovely kids.

Every Christmas my parents give money for my 2 dc, bags of sweets and chocolate selection boxes and a big Christmas Eve box. 2 of everything- plus big bags of sweets . There have been a few heated conversations (not when dc are there) and I’ve made it clear ALL dc are there 23/24 dec each year and it’s unfair to treat them differently. It’s been going on for 5 years. Dh dc are teenagers now and last year my parents were saying ‘well they are older why are you still going on about this they don’t believe etc etc’ . SC are so lovely to their little brothers and really keep up the magic of Xmas and they really make it amazing for them. My parents are so off about it.

Anyway what I’ve been doing is splitting the money between 4 not 2 and adding to the Xmas eve box so that it’s for 4 children not 2. So it’s been fine and the label says from granny and grandpa and it’s just for everyone . Well we saw them last weekend and one of SC was exclaiming how much they love the Xmas eve box and talking about all the nice things in it each year and I could see my parents faces. They were furious. They called me afterwards and said never to do it again or they will stop so I said ‘fine then - stop. You wouldn’t treat them fairly so I did’ I think they honestly expected them to sit and watch and miss out on the box ???

Today they’ve said they want my dc dropped to them Xmas eve morning they’ll do the Xmas eve box / activities / film / hot choc with them . They have GrAndpaRents RigHts now dont you know 🤬🤬🤬🤬

AIBU if I just tell them to get lost. It’s really annoyed me

Are you the thread police?

I dont understand why your husband didnt just buy xmas boxes for the 2 step children? That would have been the generous and caring thing to do, not misappropriate money given to your children! It is easy to be generous with SOMEBODY ELSE'S money!
Another woman thinking with her fanjo, and putting her husband ( and by extension his children) ahead of her own children!

Yes, she did. To her parents, and also to her stepchildren when she told them the gifts were from her parents to them.

She took her parents money knowing full well it was given to spend on their grandchildren, not their grandchildren and OP’s stepchildren. She took it upon herself to ‘redistribute’. Not sure why you’re trying to dance around the fact that OP was deceptive just because you approve of what she did.

Another woman thinking with her fanjo, and putting her husband ( and by extension his children) ahead of her own children!

what have I just read?!?

No not at all. I've got better things to do! I just feel that the OP is being dramatically over criticised.

No words needed.

OP didn't "interpret it to include all the children" she admitted sheisled her her parents. Which is why they are angry.

Keep up.

Another woman thinking with her fanjo, and putting her husband ( and by extension his children) ahead of her own children!

What an absolutely cuntish comment.

Also a stupid one, seeing as her husband is the father of her children.

Also a stupid one, seeing as her husband is the father of her children.
Not a stupid comment, you are just too stupid to understand it. Her DH's kids are getting 100% of the gift, her DC were getting 100%, until she 'very generously' gave away half of it!!

Not a stupid comment, you are just too stupid to understand it.

It was an absolutely vile comment. Really unpleasant.

This thread is awful. I honestly don't know what's the matter with some people.

I spend far too much time here, and yet I'm still shocked by the sheer spitefulness of some women.

You have done absolutely nothing wrong. This is really, really awful behaviour from your parents.
you have only tried to do the right thing by the children. I would take a break from them for a bit. I can imagine my mum being a bit like this tbh :(. I don’t get it at all.

Agreed. OP, ignore the ridiculous pile-on. You have no reason to reproach yourself. Your SC are lucky to have you in their life. And your DC are fortunate to have a mother showing what kindness, love and family really mean. For those having a go, you know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

I agree
The fact that there aren't even unrelated SC, they are their GB siblings, their actual 'blood relatives'.
The op has made clear there is a backstory regarding that maternal SC family that means they don't get the heinous possibility of another round of presernts the DC don't get

The pile on, and gleeful dismissal of anyone who actually thinks the OP is bloody amazing is depressing

There was a thread on here 10 days ago where a different OP gifted £600 to her son to use just for himself. He didn't do that and let his wife (OPs DIL) blow a load of it on a spa day etc whilst he still had a good night out. OP is put out about that and sure enough all of the posters jump on her and give her a kicking saying it's up to her son what happens to the money once if gifted, blah blah.
I'm sure the pedants are going to come along now and say "but it's not the same thing as this thread because the children didn't make the choice to share etc". Well guess what, we all know that already! However, those children are 4 and 6 years old, they can't make that decision and it's the job of the parent to do so. If the GPs explicitly didn't want the SC to get any benefit, THEY should have arranged the day out or bought an actual present. The notion that OP has stolen the money from the children is ludicrous as is the notion that this event is the whole reason behind potentially being disinherited. I'll bet you anything that the GPs have been simmering on the idea of bypassing OP in their will ever since she got with DH but just took this opportunity to have a go at OP and give her a bit of an additional kicking for defying them. God knows what her DH must think in this whole situation.

They share a father???
Did you miss the bit where they are also lovely children who dote on their younger siblings, and they in return adore them?

The OP is putting children first, not her 'fanjo'.

Pity there's vile, mean, selfish GP don't have you for a daughter, maybe you could all enjoy watching the SC have no Christmas boxes to keep them in their place

Yes definitely this

1. Yuck! That is so disgusting. How on earth is a woman who just tries to be kind to her step-children by including them in a family outing 'thinking with her fanjo'?
2. It's completely incorrect. OP has said that her biological children have a much more privileged life than their older half siblings.

This! You sound such a lovely person. People assuming your SC have another set of Grandparents, do they? and if so , how is the relationship?

How very spiteful of your parents. Its disrespectful to you, their biological grandchildren as.well as the steps. These are children, siblings and part of your life and household. The fact that they cannot show some respect for your life would have me seriously considering a gift ban. They are weaponising Christmas and they are ultimately saying their feelings of affection only come in gift form. They are cold, shallow and not someone I would want to have an influence on any of my children!

And to all those who are OK with treating children this way. Well. Your hearts minds and lives must be small, hard and lonely.

OP's kids are still getting 100% of the gift, because you can't get 50% of a family outing. It's just a family outing that includes their half siblings who actually made the outing more pleasurable for them.

@Gottoshare Please do ignore these vile comments OP! Some would like for you to go to prison just because you have a big heart and you care for ALL the children in your care, not just your own. I feel so sorry for all the children growing up with stepparents feeling unloved. By looking at some posts there are some vile people out there who care more about pennies than people. I feel sorry for them not being equipped to feel love and compassion and I feel dread for any potential sc crossing their path.
You know you have done the right thing for the right reasons and on the behalf of your stepchildren I thank you for that.❤️

Sorry if I missed it, but how does the father of his DC feel about this all?

Does he agree with you and feel that your parents should have carried out your wishes?

Does his parents give equally to all 4 at Xmas? If they do, I'm not saying that should be a reason for your parents to give equally. I do think that is something they should decide themselves, regardless of what others do.

Again, I do commend you on your wonderful intententions towards your SC and I do hope it all blows over quickly.

Christ this thread has bought out all the bleeding hearts hasn't it 🙄

Being a nice person doesn't make it ok to lie to people. OP can be nice and be dishonest. Both can be true. OP has admitted it was easier to mislead her parents than even up the gifts out of her own pocket which is the kind AND honest thing to do. It's easy to be generous with other people's money isn't it?

It is not heinous or unusual for step children to not inherit or for people to not trust you to not give their money to people who they don't want to have it when you have literally been doing exactly that for years.

Really don't see how it's "vile" to point out the truth and call out dishonesty, but please, don't stop all the hand wringing for something as petty as the truth 🙄

For those having a go, you know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

Most people value honesty highly.

It's literally one of the cornerstones of good character.

Your step-children are not your parent's grandchildren. They have their own grandparents.

This. You can't impose step family relationships on wider family. You've chosen to have a relationship with those children through being their Dad's partner and cohabiting with them. That relationship doesn't exist for your parents and you can't insist they recognise it on an equal basis with their actual grandchildren.

I think a lot of people live in cloud cuckoo land, they want the perfect 2 parent unbroken household so pretend they have it but like it or not your family is blended and its not the same for people beyond the household.