To think that people should be a bit more sensitive when announcing pregnancy

[SophieRules]

My ‘friend’ knows that I had a miscarriage recently but rang me out of the blue on video call and showed me an image of her 12 week scan to announce her pregnancy. I would have preferred a message. I am of course delighted for her but I think if someone has recently experienced baby loss it feels insensitive to be showing them picture of scans and to tell the face to face out of the blue. Please if you are in this situation and you know someone is struggling send them a message so they have a bit of privacy when reacting.

Nope that was a a dickish thing for her to do.

If she's usually considerate, put it down to her getting carried away and try move past it.

If this is the latest in a long line of thoughtless things, I'd be distancing myself.

Best of luck.

It depends how recent your miscarriage was

These threads can divide opinion.

It’s her happy news, she was sharing it with a good friend and she wants it to be about her

Yeah that's really shit. If you know someone has had a loss or may be struggling with infertility or even just anyway - a text is best

Sorry your friend was thoughtless OP, I’ve been in your shoes and many people really don’t get it.

That was awful, I’d never do that to a friend.

a ‘friend’ I distanced myself from while ttc after an early miscarriage just kept harping on about how easily she ‘fell’. Basically how one day they decided to try and then she next thing she was pregnant. I ‘fell’ easily too- but lost it.

Read the room, love! We don’t talk anymore.

You can be happy for someone but still need a little space to process the news, it’s just a bit much to be ambushed into a face to face reaction.

This, agreeing with that she's probably got carried away, unless you think she was being malicious on purpose, then you should distance yourself.

I lost triplets at 20 weeks, the day of their funeral my cousin (who knew as my aunt told her) rang me and announced she was pregnant and then proceeded to post it on Facebook.

People just don't get it.

Nobody will ever get it right it would be hard to keep up with everyone's pregnancy and who is ttc had an abortion, still born child, miscarriages etc.

How on earth can someone keep everyone happy?

Your ‘friend’ was particularly insensitive and I’d think most people would have a bit more tact in her position. I’m sorry for your loss, and that you had to deal with that on top. Sadly people do weird things around all types of bereavement.

It's really not that hard to remember if you care about your friends.

In general I would say YABU but in this case this was very insensitive of her

Same here. In my case it was in person, being offered the scan photos (years ago, hard copy).

Please - never do it. Have a little think before you make your announcement. It does not take anything away from your pregnancy to be thoughtful towards others. Not being thoughtful can cause much distress to others.

The problem is that everyone is different, some people wouldn't appreciate a message and would prefer to be called. Whilst for you this was wrong for others this would be the right way

I find sending messages rude myself, I much prefer to call or be called if it's important

Thing is it's not important. Not really. That's what's making it so painful is the BIG WOOOOP ANNOUNCEMENT when it just needs to be a "so I'm pregnant"

What a gross reply. As someone else said you’d be aware of what a friend was going through

sorry OP, I think your friend has been insensitive, hopefully just because she got carried away with her own excitement. I think a large amount of us know not to announce a pregnancy to someone who has had a loss in this way

Also no one is really that interested in the scan photo unless they are family I guess

I wouldn't be upset by this no

You just assume it might be sensitive for everyone. They may not have told you. It's not hard to announce it in a sensitive way

Jesus what's wrong with people?!

it's not about keeping everyone happy; you're being hyperbolic
it's about not cold-video calling your friend with a scan pic when she's experienced a loss
simple really ❤️

Probably, in her excitement, she hadn't thought about the miscarriage. But if you think she had and rang anyway then yes it's awful and a message would have been better.

My friend announced her pregnancy on Facebook and I saw it on the way home from hospital after my miscarriage. Not at all her fault and she absolutely shouldn't have waited to post it just because of me but it still really stung.

If you know your friend has had a loss maybe just don't text or call them? You can tell everyone else. You have 9 months to let them know. It's called being a good thoughtful friend. Thinking about others. What's confusing?

By not video calling!