Neighbours complaining about occasional loud music

[Redavocados]

Ok, its a neighbour one. No diagrams!

Name changed for this.

I live in a 2 bed house that is attached on one side. I am a very quiet person, I am single, usually live alone and am happy with silence and can spend days without putting music on. My DS who is late 20's moved back 3 months ago due to work, financial and MH / ND issues. He has had a terrible year and most of last winter he was suicidal having made some bad life decisions, and it was a huge struggle to get him any MH support. He is also very up and down in moods so sometimes I can talk to him about stuff and other times I just have to leave it several days otherwise he can blow up and shout and get angry. Then he is very apologetic and feels terrible afterwards. Needless to say, this is far from an ideal situation, but he is trying hard to sort himself out, engaging in therapy, taking antidepressants, has given up smoking and self-medicating, and is back in work.

Since he last lived here three years ago, I have new neighbours. A young couple, no kids, their first home. Previously had a good relationship with them.

DS has two hobbies, one is a fitness hobby and one is music / recording. When he is down he just sits quietly in his room watching content with headphones, but when he is in a good mood he sometimes sings and records. We both work from home, and the neighbours work from home.

About two months ago I was off work and out for the day and neighbour texted me as DS was playing music in the daytime (on his lunchbreak). I apologised to neighbours, spoke to son and explained that they work from home, so please don't play music in the day. He agreed and hasn't done it again. Then about three weeks ago he played music at 6.30/7pm on a Friday evening, for about 30 minutes. It was loud and bassy, I could hear it around the house, but it wasn't "party" loud, e.g. I could have put on the TV in the other room and still heard the TV over the music without needing to turn it up. As a person who enjoys peace and quiet I didn't love it but I could live with it. After 20 minutes neighbours texted and complained. I immediately asked son to turn it down, they said the bass was loud and that maybe if he turned the bass down it would be better, and could he wear headphones, so I asked him to turn the bass down in future. I also reminded him to wear headphones. I told them I had asked him to turn down bass and use headphones but I also pointed out to them that it was very early evening, after work time, it wasn't an unreasonable time to be playing music and it wasn't for very long (he goes to his fitness class at 7pm anyway).

Tonight, three weeks later he played music again, started at 6.15pm. The bass was less but he was singing loudly. No headphones, I assume because he needed to hear himself sing. I let it go as it was only for a short time and he hadn't played any music for three weeks. After 15 minutes the neighbours sent me a recording of it through their walls and said it is totally unreasonable that they can hear his music in their house. They claimed it had been an hour already.

They went on to say that they can hear him all day and evening. He coughs a lot as he has given up smoking - it drives me absolutely insane but there is nothing I can do besides remind him to use his inhaler and take cough medicine. And he has started closing doors loudly the last week and I have been waiting for him to get out of his latest low mood to ask him not to do that. They also said he bangs the adjoining wall all day - I know for a fact he doesn't because it is a small house and I have been home all week recovering from an operation, and I hear everything.

5 minutes after their first text he stopped playing anyway as he was going out. They are insisting that I am being unreasonable in allowing him to play music. I have explained (not that I should have to explain his personal situation but I did because we were previously on good terms) that he has been unwell and that music is one of the few things that he enjoys, so I am not going to stop him playing music out loud occasionally.

I have pushed back quite firmly that there are things that are annoying and I do get that and am sorry its annoying, but just because someone is annoying you doesn't mean they are actually being unreasonable, and that I don't think playing music once every 2-3 weeks at 6/7pm for 30-60 minutes at a time is unreasonable. I have also explained that it isn't forever, he is here for a year and the plan is that he will move out again next summer.

They are still maintaining - the pissy texts are still ongoing - that I am being inconsiderate and unreasonable and they should not have to hear any of his noise in their house.

I have never had any complaints from previous neighbours when he lived here before, once they just texted to ask if I was OK when they heard him shouting at me.

Am I being unreasonable in pushing back and expecting them to live with the music occasionally as its just early evening, for about half an hour once every few weeks?

Their barky dog thing is a good thing. Invite them round for tea then they’ll be able to hear their dog through your walll. Seriously, mending the relationship is the only way forward. Win-win if you can do it. Lose-lose if you don’t.

This is a response I frequently see on here. Obviously that’s ridiculous because had they been able to do so, they would have done. Neighbours have the right to live quietly without loud music.

I might well be prejudiced about this, my upstairs neighbour launched a year long campaign of music so loud it was distorted, 7pm-7am. The next door neighbour who’d been there 40 years moved out. Police and environmental health were round and removed his equipment (he was constantly high)

Yes, this is an extreme example, but I completely empathise with the whole waiting for the music to start. If the neighbours sent a recording of it, surely the OP understands that it’s affecting them? Having to wait for her ds to be out of his bad mood is awful: I hope she has support.

I haven't voted as I can't decide.

I've been the victim of a noisy neighbour- he was awful and played very loud bassy music all hours on a regular basis. It adversely affected our lives as we couldn't ever guarantee peace in our home.

Hard day's work? go home to relax but there's pounding bass... feeling unwell and need to stay home? stay in bed and there's pounding music. It got to a point where I felt physically sick just walking down my own street. The neighbour, by the way , thought he was well within his rights to play this music in his own home and didn't think it was loud. But it was very loud and the council agreed when they visited. Unfortunately it took many years to sort.

I can't decide if that's what is going on here.

I think it's reasonable to complain about loud, regular music but unreasonable to complain about a cough, a door closing, people moving around etc. BUT bassy music on a regular basis is horrible. And I personally wouldn't ever inflict my music on my neighbours/people on the beach (another pet hate of mine) because I think it's selfish and headphones exist for a reason. Play music yes, but why does he have to have it on so loud?

Personally I'd be telling my son not to play loud music and, if the bass is travelling though the walls either switch the bass all the way down or use headphones... or try to move/adjust he speakers so they're not in contact with the floor or walls.

also, you should go and listen to it though your neighbour's wall to see if you agree with them about how loud it is.

I agree, I suspect this is what is going on

Your son is a selfish, spoilt little brat who you are enabling. Whilst some noise during normal hours is to be expected when you live in an attached property, it should only be reasonable everyday living noise. Loud, bassy music and worse, singing, is totally unacceptable, and I would be complaining about this too. There is no reason he can’t wear headphones, he is just totally inconsiderate. You also say he bangs doors when he is angry, also unacceptable. You are enabling his selfish behaviour so you need to get some backbone.

As for him moving out next year - that’s never going to happen when he has the life of Riley at home with Mummy indulging his bratty behaviour. I feel sorry for your neighbours and I hope they are recording these incidents so they can make a noise complaint to the council.

OP your son's occasional noise is not unreasonable. I had very noisy neighbours who used to party, come home at 2am and and smoke and talk loudly in the back garden etc etc. I absolutely would ask them to keep it down at that time. But they'd also play music during the day and nothing I can do about that. Similar another neighbour did building works, very noisy but legit. Another plays an instrument some evenings and I love it, very beautiful.

In terrace houses we have to learn to rub along. I have soundproofed all one side of my house because it's a rental that side and I can't control who rents it. That helps me be less irritated! I also have 2 DS who thump up and down stairs and will definitely bother neighbours but I can't ask them to always tip toe. So we put up and make sure it's reasonable
They need to be more understanding. I'd write back firmly and say
"My son will wear headphones during the day and we try to be as considerate as possible. But he is entitled to sing and play music on speakers from time to time at reasonable hours or reasonable duration. He isn't banging deliberately or doing anything else unreasonable. Im afraid these houses are not well soundproofed as we also hear your noise eg dog barking. So other than being reasonable which we are being theres not much more I can do"

I've got children who go to bed at 8pm. Should they be kept awake by my neighbour's loud music until 11pm? And then if they want to blast music first thing in the morning at 7am, that's also OK?

What about their dog barking for 3/4 hours? How is that not unacceptable and complaint worthy?

Oh wait, OP is a reasonable person.

That so many people think the OP is being reasonable is sad really, some have a such a sense of entitlement and fuck everyone else attitude.

Your son has MH issues but that doesn't mean your neighbours has to have them too.

btw noise is anything that stops someone from enjoying their property, there are no time bands in which its acceptable.... such as 7am to 11pm nonsense.

Random sudden loud music/singing would def be a noise nuisance and your neighbours would be reasonable to report you to the local council.

The dog barking is a separate issue.

It's anti-social behaviour. Not just because it is but because the OPs son already knows it disturbs the neighbour AND the OP but continues to do it.

Most reasonable people don't expect excessive noise or for people who have been politely advised of it, to think 'fuck them' and carry on.

@SmallhopesPenny the issue is the neighbours are moving the goalposts. What you describe does sound awful , but here we have 3 instances in 2 months.

The first time they didn't like it was during work hours, fair enough and he stopped that.

Then it was the bass, a bit OTT in my opinion if not regular, but he stopped that too and used headphones/turned it down.

Then it was that he is singing . And coughing. And closing doors. And moving around the house.

They will never be happy until he moves out and there's just (nearly silent) OP left. That is not a reasonable expectation.

In the meantime they have a dog that barks for hours , every time they leave him home alone.

You could also say that expecting silence because you've chosen to work from home is selfish - it's not an office.

TBH moving the goal posts is irrelevant. If he's playing loud music then he's playing loud music and should stop.

If I were the OP I'd stop the music and ignore the complaints about moving around the house/doors slamming. I.e. respond to the reasonable complaints and ignore the unreasonable.

@SmallhopesPenny - I've got children who go to bed at 8pm. Should they be kept awake by my neighbour's loud music until 11pm? And then if they want to blast music first thing in the morning at 7am, that's also OK?

If you have young kids they will be making different noise at different times. Should OP's son put up with the noise of kids playing and screaming at antisocial times, eg early in the morning?

How about screaming and playing on the trampoline early?

Different people make noise at different times. If you live in a semi-detached house with poor soundproofing, then you will hear your neighbours at some times. 🤷🏼‍♀️

@ThisQuickLeader they should sort their dog out first . Then they can have expectations of complete silence from other people.

Hearing music when you live in a built up area is a reasonable expectation. It fucking happens. It's been happening for hundreds of years , from social gatherings with folk songs and bands , to the invention of the radio, and then the telly . The expectation of complete silence is a modern invention and not a reasonable one.

children playing is considered normal household noise and is not a statutory noise nuisance.
Loud music is not considered normal household noise and is considered a noise nuisance.

a folk band doesn't have a thumping bass

Surely the OP needs to listen to all responses to get a balanced view of the situation. No point in posting if she only listens to those that agree with her.

Also, really mega loud speakers are a relatively recent human invention.

if you don't think it's a problem then you've never experienced it as a victim and have no clue... or you're the type to buy massive speakers and play them loudly whenever.

If it was loud enough to hear it right around your house it was too loud. We play music and I can't hear it in my bedroom if he's in the living room playing lp's despite being on the same floor. Loud bass is particularly annoying so I suspect that was the real problem

@SmallhopesPenny I don't play music , except very rarely on my phone when I do housework and I need a boost. Some of my neighbours do, but it's every now and then so not an issue. The only time it was , were the every night (into the night) drunken and drugged up karaoke parties . During the summer too so it was sweltering hot and my options were boiling and noisy or windows open , very noisy and reeking if weed. I did complain about that.

But occasional noise , even loud music , is not an issue (even if it bothers me), because I live among people.

3 times in 3 months is at the expected , even if annoying , level.

Are you ok? You don’t sound very happy.

It is also entitled to expect others to put up with hours of dog barking and to think you don't have to address it, it is still noise, it is a different issue but has the same outcome - annoying neighbourly noise.

I work from home and in the summer had to endure the noise of young children that don't even live on my road but around the corner, playing tennis, the ball often hit my car on the drive but it was the irritating noise of a tennis ball tooing and throwing on the racket that was anti-social after 2 hours of it and another hour after they had had dinner. I just accepted it as living on a road with neighbours, that said my neighbour in his 70s didn't and asked his parents to get them to stop and take them to the park 10 minutes away.

You sound like a really good mum, and well done to your son for working so hard on improving his mental and physical health.

Noise is part and parcel of living in close together housing situations. It doesn’t sound as though your son is being unreasonable in singing or playing music very occasionally. And it helps him. He should not have to wear headphones all the time. The stuff about coughing and doors closing is just unhinged.

Your neighbours sound a bit obsessive, and I feel sorry for their dog. It sounds like you’ve been polite and apologetic so if they are still bombarding you with texts I would simply stop replying.