Neighbours complaining about occasional loud music

[Redavocados]

Ok, its a neighbour one. No diagrams!

Name changed for this.

I live in a 2 bed house that is attached on one side. I am a very quiet person, I am single, usually live alone and am happy with silence and can spend days without putting music on. My DS who is late 20's moved back 3 months ago due to work, financial and MH / ND issues. He has had a terrible year and most of last winter he was suicidal having made some bad life decisions, and it was a huge struggle to get him any MH support. He is also very up and down in moods so sometimes I can talk to him about stuff and other times I just have to leave it several days otherwise he can blow up and shout and get angry. Then he is very apologetic and feels terrible afterwards. Needless to say, this is far from an ideal situation, but he is trying hard to sort himself out, engaging in therapy, taking antidepressants, has given up smoking and self-medicating, and is back in work.

Since he last lived here three years ago, I have new neighbours. A young couple, no kids, their first home. Previously had a good relationship with them.

DS has two hobbies, one is a fitness hobby and one is music / recording. When he is down he just sits quietly in his room watching content with headphones, but when he is in a good mood he sometimes sings and records. We both work from home, and the neighbours work from home.

About two months ago I was off work and out for the day and neighbour texted me as DS was playing music in the daytime (on his lunchbreak). I apologised to neighbours, spoke to son and explained that they work from home, so please don't play music in the day. He agreed and hasn't done it again. Then about three weeks ago he played music at 6.30/7pm on a Friday evening, for about 30 minutes. It was loud and bassy, I could hear it around the house, but it wasn't "party" loud, e.g. I could have put on the TV in the other room and still heard the TV over the music without needing to turn it up. As a person who enjoys peace and quiet I didn't love it but I could live with it. After 20 minutes neighbours texted and complained. I immediately asked son to turn it down, they said the bass was loud and that maybe if he turned the bass down it would be better, and could he wear headphones, so I asked him to turn the bass down in future. I also reminded him to wear headphones. I told them I had asked him to turn down bass and use headphones but I also pointed out to them that it was very early evening, after work time, it wasn't an unreasonable time to be playing music and it wasn't for very long (he goes to his fitness class at 7pm anyway).

Tonight, three weeks later he played music again, started at 6.15pm. The bass was less but he was singing loudly. No headphones, I assume because he needed to hear himself sing. I let it go as it was only for a short time and he hadn't played any music for three weeks. After 15 minutes the neighbours sent me a recording of it through their walls and said it is totally unreasonable that they can hear his music in their house. They claimed it had been an hour already.

They went on to say that they can hear him all day and evening. He coughs a lot as he has given up smoking - it drives me absolutely insane but there is nothing I can do besides remind him to use his inhaler and take cough medicine. And he has started closing doors loudly the last week and I have been waiting for him to get out of his latest low mood to ask him not to do that. They also said he bangs the adjoining wall all day - I know for a fact he doesn't because it is a small house and I have been home all week recovering from an operation, and I hear everything.

5 minutes after their first text he stopped playing anyway as he was going out. They are insisting that I am being unreasonable in allowing him to play music. I have explained (not that I should have to explain his personal situation but I did because we were previously on good terms) that he has been unwell and that music is one of the few things that he enjoys, so I am not going to stop him playing music out loud occasionally.

I have pushed back quite firmly that there are things that are annoying and I do get that and am sorry its annoying, but just because someone is annoying you doesn't mean they are actually being unreasonable, and that I don't think playing music once every 2-3 weeks at 6/7pm for 30-60 minutes at a time is unreasonable. I have also explained that it isn't forever, he is here for a year and the plan is that he will move out again next summer.

They are still maintaining - the pissy texts are still ongoing - that I am being inconsiderate and unreasonable and they should not have to hear any of his noise in their house.

I have never had any complaints from previous neighbours when he lived here before, once they just texted to ask if I was OK when they heard him shouting at me.

Am I being unreasonable in pushing back and expecting them to live with the music occasionally as its just early evening, for about half an hour once every few weeks?

I'm very noise sensitive but I think your neighbours are being unreasonable on the music and coughing. Early evening on 3 occasions is not antisocial unless the bass is pounding the walls. Re the cough, what would they do if it was due to asthma/some other respiratory disease or disability? The walls must be paper thin and I doubt the council would entertain a noise complaint based on coughing.

However the door slamming is unacceptable and needs to stop ASAP.

There are different laws in different jurisdictions.

Ok so I'm diagnosed with ASD and very sound sensitive, absolutely hate other people's noise.
I also live semi-detached and you can hear right through the wall , similar situation actually woman with her son is his 20s, played very loud dance music , shouts at his Xbox ect ect.
Does it get on my nerves sometimes? Yes , Is it all day everyday ? No.
So you know what I do - I put my own headphones on and listen to something of my choosing , get on with my life and not be a moaning Minnie spoiling someone else's enjoyment!

At this point I would block their number , they are the ones being unreasonable if it is played exactly as you tell it! Now they've decided you're a problem they won't let it go.

I've had instances, where my children have been particularly noisy (one also ASD) and I've seen my neighbour the next day and apologised for our noise, and you know what they've said it's fine - thin walls and these things happen. Nobody needs to be at war there are bigger issues in life.

(If one day they do have children well you're certainly guna be able to hear that baby crying through the wall!)

I hope your son's MH improves, I've been in that battle myself and I know how difficult it is. I also hope yours isn't being affected by the stress this must be causing. Take Care xx

It would certainly seem quiet to them when he went back to his normal 30 minutes twice a month!

Exactly this.
Noisy slamming and coughing would be very irritating, too.
I live next door to a slammer.

Loud singing as well- nope.
Bands hire rehearsal rooms for this very reason.

My neighbour {not the slammer side} occasionally sings but it's a baritone, and quite pleasant, and never more than 10 mins.

@oakleaffy but is it OK for neighbours to hear a barking dog?

They're complaining about the way he moves about the house and coughs. They need to be told to fuck off.

There are no jurisdictions in the UK unless you mean England Wales etc. Still not much difference. Each council has rules that vary slightly about what decibels are allowed at what hours. Some allow Loud DIY above a set dB till 6, some 7. They allow music to varying dB depending on the hour too. Very loud is too much any time. Loud after a certain time is too loud and so on. Unfortunately, I've had a bad neighbour so I know. He was far far worse than op but he pretended to be as good as op to make us look bad so from experience I remain on the fence . He played cinema loud and removed walls and floors and chopped wood indoors till the early hours... But banged on the walls if our kids spoke. He claimed we were lying but in the end the council found he was sla statutory nuisance.

Newsflash on a public forum not everyone is in the UK!🤦‍♀️

It's. uK forum so UK law is assumed.

It's a public forum honestly this is so frustrating. UK is not the world

Can you record their dog barking. Send it to them and say (politely) ‘just so you know, I have been hearing your dog barking like this over the past two years. I have not complained as I know the walls are thin and life is noisier sometimes. ‘. They might just not realise??

I would do this tbh. Your neighbours sound very intolerant of any noise. Do they shut doors quietly?

Publishing laws pertain to the law the website is registered in. UK law applies here. It frustrates me when I read other sites too but I check the site and realise it doesn't apply to me.

Yes, LOUD MUSIC IS SUPER FUXKING DISRESPECTFUL.

Buy yourselves a nice pair of headphones and blast your own eardrum into oblivion if that’s what you want. No one should be subjected to your loud music, no one. I live next to people like you, and it’s incredibly frustrating.

My idiot neighbors don’t know that I have a job which requires me to be up at 4am, and if they decide to blast their hideous sounds until 10pm guess what?? I can’t sleep until after 10pm. It’s rude, Inconsiderate, and very unneighborly.

I. the summer when I want to enjoy the peacefulness of my garden I can’t. Why? Inconsiderate neighbors treat the area as if it were a club, blasting everyone. Like who does that?? Buy yourself a headset.

Are you joking? You should have led with that. That's WAY more unsociable than what your DS is doing. It's really not ok to leave a dog alone barking for hours. It's not fair on the neighbours and suggests that the dog is stressed.

Playing music for a short time as you describe comes under normal neighbourly noise.

Regular dogs barking for hours on end is he reporting to the council. Can't believe you haven't mentioned it to the neighbours especially in response to their recent complaints!

Totally agree with you. With wireless headphones you can wander around the house with whatever racket you like constantly in your OWN ears and not some other poor sod's

While it can be irritating, I think people living in close proximity to others need to accept that they'll be exposed to some noise.

If they're going to be arseholes about it, tell them your son will stop playing music when they get rid of their dog.

Out of interest, why didn't you leaf with the dog barking and mention it later?

I have never had any complaints from previous neighbours when he lived here before, once they just texted to ask if I was OK when they heard him shouting at me.

You are making two many excuses for your son and are actually afraid to speak to him about the music. You should not have to live with someone who shouts at you.

He shouldn't be playing music and disturbing the neighbours. It's not acceptable. He's being a jerk.

Because I didn't post to complain about their dog or noises, I posted to ask if IABU in pushing back on their complaints.

The dog only came up later to illustrate that we all have to put up with some noise and as an example of neighbour noises that I've had to adapt to or learn ways to block out.

Didn't you read any of the post, about her son's MH??

This.

I don't ever want to listen to other people's noise . Noise pollution is becoming more of an anti social problem than graffiti.
The neighbours are not the cause of your son's problems but he is the cause of theirs .

YANBU.
Your neighbour's need to get a life or move somewhere remote if silence is what they want! Pure entitlement on their part.