Neighbours complaining about occasional loud music

[Redavocados]

Ok, its a neighbour one. No diagrams!

Name changed for this.

I live in a 2 bed house that is attached on one side. I am a very quiet person, I am single, usually live alone and am happy with silence and can spend days without putting music on. My DS who is late 20's moved back 3 months ago due to work, financial and MH / ND issues. He has had a terrible year and most of last winter he was suicidal having made some bad life decisions, and it was a huge struggle to get him any MH support. He is also very up and down in moods so sometimes I can talk to him about stuff and other times I just have to leave it several days otherwise he can blow up and shout and get angry. Then he is very apologetic and feels terrible afterwards. Needless to say, this is far from an ideal situation, but he is trying hard to sort himself out, engaging in therapy, taking antidepressants, has given up smoking and self-medicating, and is back in work.

Since he last lived here three years ago, I have new neighbours. A young couple, no kids, their first home. Previously had a good relationship with them.

DS has two hobbies, one is a fitness hobby and one is music / recording. When he is down he just sits quietly in his room watching content with headphones, but when he is in a good mood he sometimes sings and records. We both work from home, and the neighbours work from home.

About two months ago I was off work and out for the day and neighbour texted me as DS was playing music in the daytime (on his lunchbreak). I apologised to neighbours, spoke to son and explained that they work from home, so please don't play music in the day. He agreed and hasn't done it again. Then about three weeks ago he played music at 6.30/7pm on a Friday evening, for about 30 minutes. It was loud and bassy, I could hear it around the house, but it wasn't "party" loud, e.g. I could have put on the TV in the other room and still heard the TV over the music without needing to turn it up. As a person who enjoys peace and quiet I didn't love it but I could live with it. After 20 minutes neighbours texted and complained. I immediately asked son to turn it down, they said the bass was loud and that maybe if he turned the bass down it would be better, and could he wear headphones, so I asked him to turn the bass down in future. I also reminded him to wear headphones. I told them I had asked him to turn down bass and use headphones but I also pointed out to them that it was very early evening, after work time, it wasn't an unreasonable time to be playing music and it wasn't for very long (he goes to his fitness class at 7pm anyway).

Tonight, three weeks later he played music again, started at 6.15pm. The bass was less but he was singing loudly. No headphones, I assume because he needed to hear himself sing. I let it go as it was only for a short time and he hadn't played any music for three weeks. After 15 minutes the neighbours sent me a recording of it through their walls and said it is totally unreasonable that they can hear his music in their house. They claimed it had been an hour already.

They went on to say that they can hear him all day and evening. He coughs a lot as he has given up smoking - it drives me absolutely insane but there is nothing I can do besides remind him to use his inhaler and take cough medicine. And he has started closing doors loudly the last week and I have been waiting for him to get out of his latest low mood to ask him not to do that. They also said he bangs the adjoining wall all day - I know for a fact he doesn't because it is a small house and I have been home all week recovering from an operation, and I hear everything.

5 minutes after their first text he stopped playing anyway as he was going out. They are insisting that I am being unreasonable in allowing him to play music. I have explained (not that I should have to explain his personal situation but I did because we were previously on good terms) that he has been unwell and that music is one of the few things that he enjoys, so I am not going to stop him playing music out loud occasionally.

I have pushed back quite firmly that there are things that are annoying and I do get that and am sorry its annoying, but just because someone is annoying you doesn't mean they are actually being unreasonable, and that I don't think playing music once every 2-3 weeks at 6/7pm for 30-60 minutes at a time is unreasonable. I have also explained that it isn't forever, he is here for a year and the plan is that he will move out again next summer.

They are still maintaining - the pissy texts are still ongoing - that I am being inconsiderate and unreasonable and they should not have to hear any of his noise in their house.

I have never had any complaints from previous neighbours when he lived here before, once they just texted to ask if I was OK when they heard him shouting at me.

Am I being unreasonable in pushing back and expecting them to live with the music occasionally as its just early evening, for about half an hour once every few weeks?

Some councils are very proactive, although it can take a bit of time sometimes. My mother had a young lad move in next to her, who came with ‘problems’. He played his guitar all hours of the day. Reported to council who asked that we keep a diary and recordings over a period of time, which we did. Although it took a few months, he was eventually evicted.

Sorry @Redavocados but your son screeching out his "songs" whilst he's recording/making music is the real problem the slamming of doors is the icing on the cake.
It's bad enough having to put up with the base but the "singing" is completely unacceptable

I can see both sides as excessive noise can be a nightmare especially if anyone is particularly noise sensitive. However from what you’ve described it doesn’t sound as though it’s excessive. They do sound like they’re being a little petty about it now and as other people have suggested there will always be some degree of noise when you live in an attached house. We are mid terraced and can hear the front door if it’s banged shut and if someone stomps up the stairs but we’ve never ever heard TV noise, loud music or anything else.
if people are truly noise sensitive and cannot tolerate then they should consider a house which is detached or in a much quieter location

I live in a 50s-era estate in London with shared walls either side and neighbors above. It is concrete, purposebulit not converted. I never hear anything more than a muffled background noise from my neighbors. I gave birth in the living room at 6am and didn't hold back and none of my neighbors noticed. We've partied at 4am.
The real problem here is the opposite, crappy housing stock and housing conversions that don't take sound into account. I feel for you but in a way no none is at fault?

My mum’s old neighbours and our family, had wooden units down the joint sitting room wall on our side, and full wooden book cases on their side.

When both sides changed their furniture, and removed all this sound proofing it was awful.

Bookcases are quite sound proofing!

Your neighbours are being completely unreasonable. I'd message them one last time to say the noise is normal, that it's perfectly reasonable to play music for half an hour and thst you have never complained when you've had to listen to hours of constant dog barking. I'd then block them and ignore.

There's no specific times a noise nuisance can occur, if it's a certain volume then it's a noise nuisance no matter whether it's 12 noon,midnight, the weekend or the week. The council had guidelines about it and had a team who would come and listen to the noise and decide if it was a "noise nuisance" or not. It didn't matter what the time was.

I have a lot of experience unfortunately as I had terrible neighbours who made my life thoroughly miserable with their loud bassy music. It could come on at any time and last anything from 30 mins to several hours. It genuinely ruined my mental health as I could never guarantee peace and quiet in my own home.

@Livelovebehappy When I read these posts, I always assume the poster is playing the noise and anti social behaviour down

Says it all really! 😂

AIBU is well-known as a board where posters have to don a hard hat and tend to get ................ er .......... 'varied opinions' ........... makes sense if people are pre-judging OP!

Hope you're living up to your name @Livelovebehappy

Seems perfectly reasonable to me to let him have his music on 1-2 hours a couple of times a week 5pm -10pm.

Can I just say I hate the term "manchild". Particularly about a man who is 20yo and sounds not particularly well.
I've never heard the word "womanchild" thrown at a 20yo woman who moves back in with her parents due to health/unfortunate circumtances etc.
Men are always supposed to just harden up.
That attitude does nobody any favours at all.

And OP your neigbours are unreasonable. Complaining about coughing , door closing and a half an hour of music 3 times a month is ridiculous. Ignore them. If anything the pp's idea of a bookcase sounds like an idea, otherwise they can put in soundproofing if they are so bothered. Good luck with your son.

I would go in heavy with these neighbours. Tell them you consider their repeated texts to be harassment.

Tell them any future correspondence needs
to go via your solicitor (and give his details).

And remind them they will need to disclose this as a dispute when they come to sell.

It is not reasonable for anyone living in a terraced or semi detached house to expect to be able to exercise a veto over daytime noise from neighbours. And yes that includes the right to listen to loud music from time to time.

It’s the neighbours who need to be pushed back in their box!

Your son should be able to sing and make music in normal hours which he is doing, tell your neighbours to leave him alone. Personally after 9pm isn’t good. Other than that!

People are allowed to sing sometimes.

We live in a terraced property. Our neighbour played music that was audible over our
tv/radio (to the extent we couldn't concentrate and could identify what song she was playing) non-stop for a year. We complained about that. She now occasionally plays music at that volume for 40-60 mins every couple of weeks- we don't complain about that. Terraced properties mean accepting that you hear noise sometimes.

I can see both sides. They are being unreasonable as you are free to live in your home and make normal household noise. Unfortunately, the way houses are built and the advance of modern sound systems are the problem. You do not have to have speaker on very loud but the bass on the opposite side of the wall is a form of medieval torture.

If they have recorded the music through the walls, it must have been quite loud.
Ask your son to go into the settings and turn the bass down and maybe place the speaker on a bass mat or a piece of carpet to soften the bass. It makes a difference.

I was thinking it was sort of 50/50 OP, until you mentioned the dog barking. Now I think YANBU. Why should the occupants of your house have to be permanently silent, whilst the occupants of theirs don’t?

Just to clarify, I am not downplaying the music frequency or volume at all.

And he isn't going around generally slamming doors, but whereas I would naturally close it very slowly and gently to make it quiet, he just turns the handle and pushes them closed.

Do you shut the doors gently because of the neighbours or that's just the way you are? If it's the first then you shouldn't be tiptoeing around your neighbours comfort in your own home. Yes there is slamming but a normal door shut is absolutely fine. This sounds to me borderline bullying and harassment from your neighbours with the constant messages.

I don't have that opinion, I struggle with the whole situation a lot. But I do need to pick the battles and be wise on when to pick them because there are issues involved.

Despite what some here say, noise nuisance exists at any time if it is a reoccurring nuisance. Yabu and I suspect there's more to it than you're letting on.

OP, I understand where you’re coming from.
I hope your DS recovers soon.

I would complain about the neighbours’ dog to them too, just to show them that they also disturb you. You just choose to get on it with

@Redavocados just ignore all the negative posters on this thread! Some people just want to make you feel worse - maybe your neigbours and their facebook friends ?? 🫣👀😂😂

Your son's not doing anything wrong - ffs I hear noise from my neighbours! They hear noise from me! - we hoover, we do diy, we sometimes (god forbid!) play music or even have friends around who (gulp!) talk loudly .......... some of my neighbours have children who dare to make a noise running around and playing 😬
As long as it's not late at night or doesn't go on too long (ie for hours and hours every day) I don't see that any normal person would have a problem

Also... Just turning the bass down might help. From experience.

It's not at all hours, but they work from home so they are there for any noise that there is!

He has asthma, and he gave up smoking again a month ago so his lungs are clearing. (Obviously he shouldn't have smoked to start with). He has spoken to GP (not easy to achieve in itself) and changed inhalers, had cough syrup, cough lozenges etc. It drives me insane but you can't stop someone coughing. And it's not going to be anywhere near as loud for the neighbours as it is for me. I know this because when previous neighbours had Covid I could hear them coughing but it was very muffled (and I wouldn't have dreamt of complaining!)

Your neighbours can't really complain about someone having a medical condition that involves coughing, OP. They aren't being reasonable. Your son is also allowed to sing and play music, as long as it's not excessive. It doesn't sound like it is.

They sound like they want total silence and are starting towards harrassing you.