Neighbours complaining about occasional loud music

[Redavocados]

Ok, its a neighbour one. No diagrams!

Name changed for this.

I live in a 2 bed house that is attached on one side. I am a very quiet person, I am single, usually live alone and am happy with silence and can spend days without putting music on. My DS who is late 20's moved back 3 months ago due to work, financial and MH / ND issues. He has had a terrible year and most of last winter he was suicidal having made some bad life decisions, and it was a huge struggle to get him any MH support. He is also very up and down in moods so sometimes I can talk to him about stuff and other times I just have to leave it several days otherwise he can blow up and shout and get angry. Then he is very apologetic and feels terrible afterwards. Needless to say, this is far from an ideal situation, but he is trying hard to sort himself out, engaging in therapy, taking antidepressants, has given up smoking and self-medicating, and is back in work.

Since he last lived here three years ago, I have new neighbours. A young couple, no kids, their first home. Previously had a good relationship with them.

DS has two hobbies, one is a fitness hobby and one is music / recording. When he is down he just sits quietly in his room watching content with headphones, but when he is in a good mood he sometimes sings and records. We both work from home, and the neighbours work from home.

About two months ago I was off work and out for the day and neighbour texted me as DS was playing music in the daytime (on his lunchbreak). I apologised to neighbours, spoke to son and explained that they work from home, so please don't play music in the day. He agreed and hasn't done it again. Then about three weeks ago he played music at 6.30/7pm on a Friday evening, for about 30 minutes. It was loud and bassy, I could hear it around the house, but it wasn't "party" loud, e.g. I could have put on the TV in the other room and still heard the TV over the music without needing to turn it up. As a person who enjoys peace and quiet I didn't love it but I could live with it. After 20 minutes neighbours texted and complained. I immediately asked son to turn it down, they said the bass was loud and that maybe if he turned the bass down it would be better, and could he wear headphones, so I asked him to turn the bass down in future. I also reminded him to wear headphones. I told them I had asked him to turn down bass and use headphones but I also pointed out to them that it was very early evening, after work time, it wasn't an unreasonable time to be playing music and it wasn't for very long (he goes to his fitness class at 7pm anyway).

Tonight, three weeks later he played music again, started at 6.15pm. The bass was less but he was singing loudly. No headphones, I assume because he needed to hear himself sing. I let it go as it was only for a short time and he hadn't played any music for three weeks. After 15 minutes the neighbours sent me a recording of it through their walls and said it is totally unreasonable that they can hear his music in their house. They claimed it had been an hour already.

They went on to say that they can hear him all day and evening. He coughs a lot as he has given up smoking - it drives me absolutely insane but there is nothing I can do besides remind him to use his inhaler and take cough medicine. And he has started closing doors loudly the last week and I have been waiting for him to get out of his latest low mood to ask him not to do that. They also said he bangs the adjoining wall all day - I know for a fact he doesn't because it is a small house and I have been home all week recovering from an operation, and I hear everything.

5 minutes after their first text he stopped playing anyway as he was going out. They are insisting that I am being unreasonable in allowing him to play music. I have explained (not that I should have to explain his personal situation but I did because we were previously on good terms) that he has been unwell and that music is one of the few things that he enjoys, so I am not going to stop him playing music out loud occasionally.

I have pushed back quite firmly that there are things that are annoying and I do get that and am sorry its annoying, but just because someone is annoying you doesn't mean they are actually being unreasonable, and that I don't think playing music once every 2-3 weeks at 6/7pm for 30-60 minutes at a time is unreasonable. I have also explained that it isn't forever, he is here for a year and the plan is that he will move out again next summer.

They are still maintaining - the pissy texts are still ongoing - that I am being inconsiderate and unreasonable and they should not have to hear any of his noise in their house.

I have never had any complaints from previous neighbours when he lived here before, once they just texted to ask if I was OK when they heard him shouting at me.

Am I being unreasonable in pushing back and expecting them to live with the music occasionally as its just early evening, for about half an hour once every few weeks?

Don't listen to responses like this OP. Absolutely ridiculous.

Once every few weeks for less than a week is NOT unreasonable OP. No-one should have to live in silence all day during daylight hours. If you live in an attached house you should expect a little bit of noise from neighbours.

You sound perfectly reasonable and are doing your best in this situation. I'd go as far as letting them know their dog is far more of a nuisance with its barking than your son is, then I'd block their number.

Good job they don't live near me. My neighbour - two doors down - plays their radio loud in their garden all day, every day. They're new in the neighbourhood and it drives me barmy.

Ignore her advice. The building is the problem. They have no reasonable excuse to say they shouldn't hear anything in a semi detached. Tell them to take their complaint to the council so a noise team can investigate. Remind them it's semi detached. There are things that can help deaden the sound going next door. Some are fun to do like gluing foam to the walls. Your son might get some enjoyment from doing that as it would feel odd to do. Other things can be done to help base. Like putting speakers on rubber matting google it. My neighbours said that they could hear a low rumble from my house in their bedroom, it was a PC which in my house sounded very quiet but next door was loud. Solved by putting a front door rubber mat under. Also ask them to play music next door and see if you can hear it from your sons room.

He should wear headphones if he wants to listen to loud music.

Neighbours have to put up with some level of 'people' noise like kids crying or washing machines etc but loud music is unacceptable at any time of the day and isn't a natural consequence of living near other people so should be tolerated, it's antisocial and selfish.

Your son sounds quite inconsiderate, like everything he does is done with the least amount of care possible. He slams doors, coughs super loud, plays loud music and sings so loud that the neighbour is able to record him from the other side of the wall. Given that he is an adult who can hold down a job he should be able to consider other people and understand that his actions have negative effects on other people, including the OP. I know he has MH issues but that doesn't absolve you from being a decent neighbour or housemate. He shouldn't start his adult life thinking this is an acceptable way to treat other people, incuding his mother.

How loud is loud?
If they can hear it in their house then it's probably too loud. Why can't he wear headphones? Also, if they are having to listen to his singing too then that's possibly more annoying.

You need to wear headphones if your neighbours can hear it.

The problem is that you seem to have very extreme experiences of the noise. They said They went on to say that they can hear him all day and evening, you say it's only very occasional.

Ultimately, if it really is only occasional, you are right, if it is all day (not just music but any disturbing noise, they are correct.

Unfortunately, it is more common for noisy people to undermine how noisy they are than those complaining about noise over inflating how bad it is.

He sounds a complete nightmare!

Coughing can't be helped unless it's that revolting throat clearing & spitting alot of young people do.

He needs to use headphones for his music. Sound recording needs to be done somewhere with better soundproofing.

He also needs to stop slamming doors.

I'd set some boundaries on his visiting before you end up in dispute with your neighbors. He needs to be made aware of his behaviour otherwise he's going to end up in trouble with his own neighbours.

Is he a home owner? If he's renting he's running the risk of eviction if that's how he's behaving at home.

You both seem to have different experiences of the noise, you say it is occasional and then they are able to record it through the walls it is so loud? and then they are having to put up with him banging all day. I suspect you are downplaying it.

Maybe OP isn't downplaying it, but maybe the son isn't being honest about his noise levels when she isn't home? I'd discuss that part with the neighbours.

I can hear my neighbours' bed when they're shagging. And them coughing, laughing, talking etc.Shitty build, nothing to do with how loud they actually are.

Should I complain too?

Or just accept that in a shared living space there will occasionally be noise caused by other people.

"I have never had any complaints from previous neighbours when he lived here before, once they just texted to ask if I was OK when they heard him shouting at me.
You are making two many excuses for your son and are actually afraid to speak to him about the music. You should not have to live with someone who shouts at you.
He shouldn't be playing music and disturbing the neighbours. It's not acceptable. He's being a jerk.

Don't listen to responses like this OP. Absolutely ridiculous.

What's ridiculous about it?

OP has said several times in her posts she's too frightened to challenge her DS about his behaviour when he isn't the 'right mood' as he blows up and shouts at her.

Would it be acceptable for a DP to be doing that? or would people be telling the OP she was in at the very least a relationship with a manipulative bully or at worst, being abused emotionally and verbally?

Seriously?

Your son seems to be running his own recording studio at home playing and singing loudly and using no headphones and you wonder why people are getting upset?

That's not the regular type of noise that you expect to hear from neighbours.

It might be unacceptable to YOU. It's not a rule or law , or even an expectation for most reasonable people.

Tricky. I think because you've been accommodating so far, they're expecting perfection. Maybe you need to set your boundary now and say you (and he) are doing your best and you don't expect to hear any more complaints. If the noise disturbs them they can make their own adjustments.

Having dealt with poor mental health in a young person, including the occasional tantrum that must have been audible to neighbours, I understand how worrying it is, and I am grateful for never having had complaints. So I tolerate overhearing the odd argument, a new, too loud and too near our wall, tv and drilling / machinery - although overall, we are lucky to live somewhere relatively quiet.

You could have a small baby or your own dog, so they are lucky to have a relatively co-operative young man only.

Do you think one of them could be ND too by the way? An ND relative of mine constantly moaned about neighbours' noise at his last place - he literally saw it as deliberately inconsiderate.

This. 100% agree.

I find transferred noise, particularly bass, so stressful. I can feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about it.

It's not remotely the same as cars passing or normal day to day living noise that can't be helped. It's enormously selfish to inflict it on others.

There are clearly loads of inconsiderate noisy fuckers replying on this thread. I've lived next door to enough of them in my life, never again.

the law says differently. And you seriously think it’s reasonable for him not to sing at all in his own home? No , you don’t get to insist on complete silence from neighbours just because you can’t be bothered to go into the office. People working from home don’t get to moderate normal family behaviour and playing music for short periods of time during the day is not classed as abnormal even if you wish it was. Personally I’m fed up of hearing those who work from home complaining about music during the day or even worse children playing in their own garden. If you want total peace and quiet move to the middle of nowhere although they will probably then complain about hearing birds sing.

Noise is annoying, but it comes from living in a semi-detached or terraced house. It seems to be reasonable times. It's very kind of you to take their WFH into consideration already. They need to sound proof their house if they have a problem!

People do play it down? You can guarantee the noise is for longer and louder than said on here. Someone else's problems should not trump someone else's ability to have a decent life without antisocial behaviour.

Your neighbours expectations are ridiculous, and hypocritical given that they leave their dog to bark.

Push back hard.

You are being unreasonable to mention ND and MH because this is irrelevant. Either the behaviour is acceptable or it isn't, you don't get a free pass for having MH or ND to do what you like.

In this instance though, your neighbours are pricks.

YANBU most of this bar the music is just usual household noise. He should be allowed to do something that brings him joy. It sounds like it's very infrequent. The fact they leave a dog barking for 4 hour hours a day just makes them seem completely out of touch.

Last weekend my NDNs had friends over, it sounded like a whole pub! Talking very loudly at least six adults, laughing loudly, pissed banter from 9pm until 2am.

We were up early the next day so I put some Metallica on throughout the day very loud to make sure they couldn't get any sleep.

Yes, exactly. It’s visceral how stressful it is. I don’t have neighbours now, thank god.