Christmas and a Muslim husband .. help!

[AmberHiker]

Hello everyone I’d really like some outside perspective because I’m literally drained from going around in circles with my husband .

He is a born Muslim. He is on and off with the level of practising but mainly sticks to the key principles of Islam but has not been praying for some years now . I am a revert. I am not a ‘ practising ‘ Muslim but I believe in Islam and what it stands for .

we have a 8 year old son and I have older kids who aren’t Muslim. For the past 11 years I’ve changed up Christmas but not given it up as for me it was never about the relegious aspect it was about the feeling , the gift giving and decorating the home plus enjoying all the foods and so on. With our son I still decorate the home and we exchange gifts a few days before Christmas. He is aware of who god is to him and to us and what we believe in.

my husband has really been giving me a hard time over recent weeks . He has stated I’m a Christian which I’m not and that I’m acting just like one . He refuses to agree that for me I’ve never linked Christmas to religion and he’s never seen me do it. He keeps going into massive tantrums pointing out I’m showing our son the wrong way . This is making me upset as I don’t feel we have much to look forward too in the uk and Christmas is a nice time of year. I enjoy the festivity and owe it to my older grown children to share with them.

when I point out that he is not doing anything that would identify him as a Muslim to me if I didn’t know him he gets offended. He is not practising not praying not fasting but is determined to take this away from me and our son. like I said if he was devout I could understand the possible problem by example having a tree in the house decorated but he isn’t and the whole thing seems so stupid .

for context he was previously married to a devout Christian who taught and showed him about Christmas ( this is where I think he has the impression it’s for relegious people ) and during their marriage Christmas a big thing in their home too, but so was bacon and alcohol. If I was to ask him was he a Muslim where he was married to her he would say yes he was yet that was allowed to happen …

sorry for the rant but all I do is share some gifts and decorate the home yet it’s a constant battle any mention of the c word and boom it’s a argument. He said I should spend the same effort showing our son about Islam but when I pointed out it’s his job as the man to lead he said he doesn’t have time to show him.. 😂

am I wrong to not give it up

Your poor older children living with …

my eldest is 23 and lives outside the family home my soon to be 18 year old is with me part time . He has never been vile or controlling or bullying in any nature to them at all! Or our child we have together ..

Hi, really sorry about what you are going through. I’m Muslim and the little bit of advice I can give you is that Christmas is a pagan celebration which is prohibited for Muslims to take any part in. I know you mentioned you do it a few days before, but the idea comes from christmas.
But it is completely unacceptable how your husband is dealing with this. What you said at the end of your post is completely correct! In Islam it is the man’s duty and responsibility to educate the children (you must have heard of the word Farz”) it’s mandatory on the man to do so, if he doesn’t have time he needs to make time! He was born muslim he should be leading the family. All aside, I feel you both need to sit down and talk about this issue and find a solution. You said you are a revert, how important is faith to you? How important is it to him? Maybe you can both start taking baby steps to make small changes. Number one priority being praying your salah. Prayers connect us to Allah, make sincere dua to Allah to helps d guide you through this difficult time. Pray together In Sha Allah that will also soften his heart too, connecting with Allah when you bow down on your prayer mat together is beautiful. Allah is all hearing and all seeing.
Allah tests us in many ways, with hardship will come ease, you gota hold on to your faith. And about celebrations, Alhamdulillah we have 2 Eid’s to celebrate every year! Once I had children I made sure Ramadan and the two eids were exciting for my kids. For Ramadan we decorate our house with lights, we make prayer corners for younger ones to join in, we have ramadan advent calenders. I set up activities for each day my kids have to do something kind for another person (in Islam it’s called sadaqah jariya). We bake moon and star cookies for iftar! Kids love it. Then for eid they are looking forward to their eid gifts! I have a personalised eid bag for each of my children for the smaller gifts to go in, the excitement in their faces to go through those bags is priceless! In Sha Allah I pray things get better with your husband, you both need to work together on this one.

Is it actually about money, and he’s dressing it up as a religious thing? That’s how it reads to me.

He is being a bully about this though, even if he isn’t one in every way.