Christmas and a Muslim husband .. help!

[AmberHiker]

Hello everyone I’d really like some outside perspective because I’m literally drained from going around in circles with my husband .

He is a born Muslim. He is on and off with the level of practising but mainly sticks to the key principles of Islam but has not been praying for some years now . I am a revert. I am not a ‘ practising ‘ Muslim but I believe in Islam and what it stands for .

we have a 8 year old son and I have older kids who aren’t Muslim. For the past 11 years I’ve changed up Christmas but not given it up as for me it was never about the relegious aspect it was about the feeling , the gift giving and decorating the home plus enjoying all the foods and so on. With our son I still decorate the home and we exchange gifts a few days before Christmas. He is aware of who god is to him and to us and what we believe in.

my husband has really been giving me a hard time over recent weeks . He has stated I’m a Christian which I’m not and that I’m acting just like one . He refuses to agree that for me I’ve never linked Christmas to religion and he’s never seen me do it. He keeps going into massive tantrums pointing out I’m showing our son the wrong way . This is making me upset as I don’t feel we have much to look forward too in the uk and Christmas is a nice time of year. I enjoy the festivity and owe it to my older grown children to share with them.

when I point out that he is not doing anything that would identify him as a Muslim to me if I didn’t know him he gets offended. He is not practising not praying not fasting but is determined to take this away from me and our son. like I said if he was devout I could understand the possible problem by example having a tree in the house decorated but he isn’t and the whole thing seems so stupid .

for context he was previously married to a devout Christian who taught and showed him about Christmas ( this is where I think he has the impression it’s for relegious people ) and during their marriage Christmas a big thing in their home too, but so was bacon and alcohol. If I was to ask him was he a Muslim where he was married to her he would say yes he was yet that was allowed to happen …

sorry for the rant but all I do is share some gifts and decorate the home yet it’s a constant battle any mention of the c word and boom it’s a argument. He said I should spend the same effort showing our son about Islam but when I pointed out it’s his job as the man to lead he said he doesn’t have time to show him.. 😂

am I wrong to not give it up

Iim an atheist and celebrate Christmas along with my Christian, Buddhist and Muslim friends. It's a party with presents. Don't overthink it

I'm not the one throwing the word hate around.

Its quite possible to think things are irredeemable silly, dangerous in a geopolitical sense and frankly not true, without it being hate. That's how I view my parents' Christianity and I apply it to all the rest of the big book fan clubs.

I suspect all of those of us raised in the Abrahamic religions look like much of a muchness to those raised with Dharmic religions or within other belief systems. This idea that if we follow certain arbitrary rules then we and we alone have the path to righteousness/ heaven / resurrection / whatever... good grief. There are ideas within traditional Christianity that are appalling, such as the old theory that babies who died before being baptised would not go to heaven. The real harm in these religions of course though lies in things like denying women contraception or abortion rights, the ritual sacrifice of defenceless animals, the sexual and financial abuse of worshippers by depraved religious leaders... but that's universal human depravity, isn't it?

Indeed. We don't all believe in books etittem by men. Our choice. It's not hatred. Calling the other poster hate filled because she doesn't believe in books written by men thousands of years ago is silly. The world might be a better place without some of those who follow extremist teaching or take those story books literally 🤔

Perhaps more people could do it this way then all get along. It sounds lovely for them.

It's the dictators who say you can't do x or y or big man will be unhappy with you that need to chill a bit.

You sound like a bullied abused wife and this is his stick of choice to beat you with.

Your poor older children living with your choices of this awful man.
He doesn't sound as if he has any religion, much less Muslim.
Just a nasty bully, bullying his wife and children.
Have a rethink of your choices.

I don't think I have ever hated anyone in my whole life. It is just not a feeling I ever have. I might think people are wrong in their views. I might get upset sometimes but hate is never really had a place in me. I hope the poster manages to find some way on 23 December to have a nice meal with her adult Christian children even if the supposedly muslim husband has to be sent out to get some rides in his taxi cab so he is out of the way and doesn't spoil the feelings of love and happiness in the home.

Conveniently still not acknowledging the insult and mockery from the posters for having a religion but you're piping up about me saying they hate my religion 👍🏽

If you aren't going to speak up about them then I don't think you can take the moral high ground with me. One rule for them..

I have no moral high ground. I haven't seen much hate on the thread.In fact I have said I am glad we have muslim and non muslim views expressed as it is lovely to hear everyone's different views. Even this exchange is useful - one person might say there is no god or it is invented or whatever and someone else might say there is only one true god. I think that is just part of a free press and why the UK never in its history has had so many people wanting to be here.

However hearing people feel mocked or insulted helps us all understand how people feel and that is very useful for being understanding and kind to others which is probably the abiding moral principle of everyone on the thread religious or otherwise.

I see no hatred. A bit of derision from some. A bit of snobbery and condescension from others. A bit of holier than thouery. A bit of bafflement. A bit of rationality.

People misunderstanding, disliking, even despising your belief system does not mean they hate you. I'm vegan (there, I said it... I've been dying to😄) and veganism is routinely dissected and denigrated, but it doesn't mean I'm hated or oppressed. It just means I have better breath than you.

Exactly.

A different opinion in a belief system or not is not hatred. Some religious people of different faiths try to shut down different opinions by labelling different opinions or bemusement at the 'rules' as hatred, it's not. We are all different and no one has to believe in any particular system of belief if they don't want to in the UK. Some other places aren't so tolerant but this is a UK website. Just relax a bit and do your belief and allow others to do theirs or not believe in any of them.

Its not all about Muslims. Belief systems plural. You know there were other religions before and pagans too and others since, Jedi religion anyone... 'May The Force Be With You!'. Some believe in cards and horoscopes too, to me they are all silly. So what. Chill out.

To me Islam isn't better or worse its just another belief system but some followers do get their knickers in a twist easily whether it's a simple online chat about a poster and Christmas or someone going on about Fatwas and other heavy duty stuff.

So what if people don't believe or think faith in men of old and their stories is silly, so what, just believe what you believe. Why do you get so bothered that others think it's a bit silly in 2024.

I don't hate any religion nor any person and I am not lying about that.
I cannot remember if anyone mentioned a fatwa on this thread, but there has been one issued against Hamas for invading Israel. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj4vw1l8xvdo

I have spent a lot of decades learning about many religions including as a teenager in the 1970s. I am not sure why I have always been interested but I have. I certainly would not call myself a scholar of any religion but it is an interesting topic particularly as to why some people get into some religions and not others (cults too) and the psychology of that. There is even apparently a genetic link to whether you are likely to believe in a God or Gods or not. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/God_gene

After all this thread it would be lovely to hear on 23 December if the muslim convert poster manages to get her non-Christmas meal on that day with her Christian children.

@OctoberOctopus

I'll leave it here given my posts have been reported, funny how I haven't reported your insulting and mockery posts but I guess some are more bothered than others!

I’ll say it again, you are entitled to your opinion but an opinion and insult are two different things.

I hope you don’t call people stupid (generally) if they believe in something different to you, it’s basic mannerisms which require no faith! 😃

I've definitely not reported you. I find it all a bit silly and not worthy of reporting.

To the posters getting angry/upset that some others think Islam (and other religions) are silly, are there any religions or believe systems you think are silly? Or are they all deserving of respect? To be clear, I'm talking about the religion and beliefs themselves being deserving of respect, not the people following them deserving of respect.

Interesting.

I guess if you believe that no matter what, your selected god will save you in an eternal afterlife, then all you have to do is believe (for some faiths just repent and believe at point of death) then it takes away the need to live life as if no 'tomorrow ' now.

Many believe this is it - your one life, so do your best rather that hoping for a kingdom or virgins (definitely created by a man, poor virgins) or whatever later.

It certainly creates 'tension' is a polite way to put it, between different religions and killing for a 'god' good grief very medieval.

Ahhh the hysterical Muslim trope. Nice.

in general it’s Islamic etiquette to not mock someone else’s faith

I always thought that '100 virgins' waiting for you in the afterlife was a myth (no pun intended) and didn't exsist as a thing in Islam?

Just googled.
Not true, no virgins waiting in heaven.

There is this though -

Houri - Wikipedia

I wasn't talking about any religion in particular just find all types of religions a bit silly. My own opinion and as good as someone who thinks it's true. Logical thinking rather than following a book written by a man which mainly serves men better than women.

🙄

Agree. And given those with faith frequently (and often loudly) judge those who don't, it's fine for us to judge those who do. It's still not hate.