to not let neighbour use my shower!

[NavyOrca]

Next door neighbour messaged me earlier. Her shower has broken and she can’t get anyone to come out and fix it until the week after next. She asked if she could ‘pop in’ to use ours every other day.

I don’t want her to! I’ve got most of next week off work and plan to be at home a lot, doing not much at all, after a crazy busy time lately. I don’t want to worry about somebody coming to have a shower!

For context - I get on with her absolutely fine. We chat now and again and have walked our dogs together a few times in the past.. wouldn’t say we are especially close though.

AIBU to say no to this request? I know that she moved to the area for work and none of her family/friends are around here. So I might be her only option and I do feel bad about this.

No chance. Our boiler was broke for a week last year and we wouldn’t have asked anyone we didn’t know well to have used their shower.

Your neighbour has hot water so it’s manageable quite easily. Even if it isn’t, it’s cheeky to ask you.

Excellent compromise, @NavyOrca . For all those saying she can just have a body wash at the sink, washing her hair that way is not as easy a prospect. I'd be very happy with twice a week in her position.

I wash my hair using the bathroom sink every time! Just needs a jug, no problem at all.

@NavyOrca that's very generous of you and I'm sure your neighbour will be grateful. Yes good neighbours and good neighbourly relations are worth their weight in gold, but that surely doesn't mean saying yes to absolutely every request. I would have either declined, or offered a one-off. I'd explain that it's not something I'm comfortable with.

If that meant that my neighbour then became frosty towards me and our relationship soured, then fine. If there is a perceived prerequisite that no boundaries ever should be enforced in order to maintain a good relationship, then it was never a good relationship.

Thank goodness for our lovely neighbours. We live in a small cul de sac with a real range of age groups.Some we know better than others.But everyone is friendly and we all help each other out.Bins out when away,DH took a plunger up to unblock one of elderly neighbours sink , our neighbour has told us to use her drive when we've had extra visitors etc.I would have no problem letting my neighbour that I knew well enough to walk my dogs with use my shower several times.A sink wash is nowhere near as nice as a full shower.
Doing someone a favour .Maybe you'll need one in return someday ?

In the interests of being neighbourly, I would let her, but at certain times on certain days, for a certain period of time. However, you can pay to just shower at some council owned leisure centres, I think, so that's another option for her. I understand why you'd feel uncomfortable though.

Tell her no, simple.

A lot more recently than the 80s, my parents were 'top and tailing' for a bit when their shower died this year. They'd also never dream of asking the neighbours to use their shower.

Sometimes things feel like a big deal then actually they're not. Imagine being in the same position and really needing help. Discuss a time slot with her and help out. You'll have a warm fuzzy feeling about it all for weeks

I think that response is cultural rather than moral - an Englishman and his castle / privacy and all of that. I am so glad I had a shower when I went through perimenopause and was heavily flooding with my periods. Top and tailing would have been such a struggle and I would have been in tears.

I understand that. I'd hate to not have access to a proper shower, you bet I'd find one somehow. But I wouldn't ask my neighbour or anyone other than close family. I wouldn't even want to ask my best friend, though have invited her to use my shower once.

I probably wouldn't ask but I'd be happy to let a neighbour use mine, and I was once asked.

I have lived next to my neighbour for 32 years. She is in her 80s now and we have always got on well. Not in each other's pockets, but we always chat, always pick up parcels/post.keep an eye on each other's houses if the other is away, and, for most of the 32 years, she has been invited in for drinks and mince pies before Christmas - it has become a bit of a 'tradition'.
Eight years ago, we had our bathroom refitted meaning that the loo was going to be out of use for just one day (only one loo in the house). I asked it if might be possible for us to use her loo on the odd necessary occasion. We were going to my sister's for showers, but she is a drive away, whereas my neighbour is 10 steps away if I needed a quick wee!
I was actually speechless when the neighbour's answer to my plea was a big fat NO!
I WFH so I ended up weeing in a bucket in the garage! At least DH could use his work's facilities!!
Still get on with the neighbour and she will be in for her mince pies again soon, but I have never forgotten how unhelpful she was!!

'I WFH so I ended up weeing in a bucket in the garage! At least DH could use his work's facilities!!'

That is awful, poor you! Even if wfh though I'm surprised you couldn't schedule a break and pop to a local pub loo/cafe/supermarket or similar. What if you needed more than a wee .

I'm in team let her.
You never know when you may need a favour in return.

They would probably be surprised that as someone who volunteers that you wouldn't help a neighbour out in their 10 minutes x 3 or 4 times of need would be my guess.

I find the question odd since you don't seem close.
This could be the start to many other "favors" being asked of you or situations being put on you.

You could suggest a gym perhaps ?

It feels a bit personal doesn't it?
I'd feel so uncomfortable using someone else's bathroom!

What a meany

Especially at time of month or perimenopause eeek.

Why is it martyrdom- surely it is just looking after yourself and not expecting everyone else to look after you - dealing with your own shit and understanding boundaries- hence family and friends not people who happen to live near you.

Just get an attachment that fits onto the taps... next day delivery from Amazon.
Used one through my teens as we didn't have a shower and I had long hair!

If it's the shower that has broken she can use a large jug of warm water to have a shower in the enclosure .if the tray has been removed she may need to use your shower but I would rather manage with a
Large jug of warm water than have to go next door. If she needs more water then a watering can would also do the job !

I think once or twice a week is fair as they can have a strip wash at home.

Really? Why is this weird? How is it different to using public or hotel toilets?