to not let neighbour use my shower!

[NavyOrca]

Next door neighbour messaged me earlier. Her shower has broken and she can’t get anyone to come out and fix it until the week after next. She asked if she could ‘pop in’ to use ours every other day.

I don’t want her to! I’ve got most of next week off work and plan to be at home a lot, doing not much at all, after a crazy busy time lately. I don’t want to worry about somebody coming to have a shower!

For context - I get on with her absolutely fine. We chat now and again and have walked our dogs together a few times in the past.. wouldn’t say we are especially close though.

AIBU to say no to this request? I know that she moved to the area for work and none of her family/friends are around here. So I might be her only option and I do feel bad about this.

Ah, don’t be so mean - help a neighbour in a fix. She’ll be in your house 15 minutes every other day and you can agree a convenient time with her.

I think it’s really sad that you aren’t prepared to put yourself out by a tiny, tiny amount to help her.

I totally empathise with having the house to yourself and not wanting the interference, but for the sake of kindness, I'd do it. How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

It's not selfish at all.
It's a really cheeky thing to ask.
I've been in the position in the past of my shower being out of order and I've made do with strip washes at the sink . I would never dream of imposing on anybody in that situation.
I'm amazed at the number of pp who think it's normal to allow comparative strangers into their home to use their showers!
Extremely strange that so many appear to open up their houses so readily!

Of course if you want to say no you can say no. But, don’t ever expect her to help you out if you are ever in a bind. That would be a double standard.

Ok so you'd let a friend or family member use it, so why not this particular neighbour?? What bothers you about.

its your house, so your decision, but I do think its pretty unkind. Yes I understand it's not what you really want when you just want to hang about the house on your own. But really just work out a time slot that she would be able to come & is limited so you're not too tied to the house. No need to get 'dressed up' or 'made up' no need to make sure it looks ready for a magazine shoot. Bathroom tidy enough, clean enough.

& if you don't want a coffee & chat after just say you're WFH & can't stop.

my neighbours used my bathroom for 2 weeks when having work done on their house because they were moving their kitchen & having one bathroom renovated & an en suite put in. Their other options were to move out/hotel (£££££) or go to their daughters half an hour away & toilet in a bucket. Pretty daft when my bathroom was sitting empty for 23 hours a day. And it was the man & his wife.

YABVU.

I can't perceive why, in these circumstances you would say no

I mean, you could even limit any 'intrusion' you felt by limiting her to come round at a particular time that suits you.

This is peak insular MN right here.
Any normal person wouldn't think twice.

I'm actually stunned that a neighbour would ask to use your shower.

She's not a friend just a neighbour.

She'll have to have an old school wash at the sink.

This! Do you have a hosepipe?

Seriously though OP, don’t be so mean. It’s 20 minutes out of your day, hardly a great hardship. It’s good to do favours for neighbours, it’s useful to be on good terms and makes for a harmonious living environment.

I’m putting money on you being a southerner. Where I’m from you’d be using your neighbour’s shower and your neighbour would be making you a casserole and baking you a cake! To be washed down with super strong tea when out of the shower!

They're not complete strangers.

No it's not extremely strange to help people when you can, when that's how you've been brought up, it's strange NOT to help, when you can.

I'm really interested in the ages of people saying they think it's an outrageous request from a neighbour. I promise I'm not being goady, I'm just really curious.

(I'm 50 and wouldn't mind)

😂 I could get the garden sprinkler out for her 😂😂

No seriously though, I’m going to have a think about this now as some of you have made very good points about it potentially making things a bit frosty between us if I don’t let her use the shower.

Of course you should let her use your shower. She doesn't want a kidney.

Sometimes Mumsnet makes me irrationally cross

No, it's an imposition, she's not a friend or family, you barely know her. I wouldn't want to potentially have to chat in the kitchen with her wet hair dangling everywhere, or be cleaning up puddles of water and pubes. Just no. Not appropriate and it won't kill her to wash in her own sink.

You are not comfortable, that's absolutely fine.

You should also have a good think about your values as a person! You sound extremely unkind and selfish.

Of course it will become frosty between you, it would be very spiteful not to help her especially when she doesn't have anyone else and probably felt awful asking. I think maintaining a harmonious neighbour relationship is a good thing, you could need a favour next.

It’s not worth the bad feeling it would create by saying no so I would say yes if it were me. Are you sure she’s not on mumsnet OP? You might want to consider getting this post taken down as it’s on AIBU which is quite popular and she would easily guess this post is about her if she saw it.

😊 I’ll ask the people I work with at my two volunteer roles what they think about that, and come back to you.

I would agree to every other day at X time for 10 minutes.

👏🏻👏🏻

except I don't think it's irrational for the threads to make you cross. So many stupid posts.

Helping out implies offering. If OP had offered that's entirely different. But this woman asked. And that's cheek.

If it was a case of the woman's loo being out of order I would of course let her use my loo if she asked. That is common decency.
But to ask to use the shower when she has other options - wash hand basin, shower facility at local swimming pool or gym for instance is just down right cheeky.
I wouldn't even ask a relative ir friend let alone a neighbour who was only an acquaintance. I wouldn't impose.

Ooh how generous. 😂😂 nothing like making someone welcome.

55

Neighbourly mutual support goes a long way in oiling the wheels of life. I guarantee you’ll want a favour from her one day.

I’ve used neighbour’s washing machines and vice versa. I’m very private and wouldn’t love the idea of neighbours using my shower, but I’d let them. It’s horrible not being able to shower and as she doesn’t have any family nearby I think it’d be mean not to let her.

why should she impose on you, bit cheeky imo @NavyOrca?

Does she not have a bath?

Will she have no hot water, at all?

eta; and you are certainly not being mean

My lovely neighbour let me do this when I had to wait for a boiler issue. I hugely appreciated it. I took everything I needed. Did a speedy shower, gave everything a quick wipe with spray afterwards and left super fast. It made a stressful time slightly easier that I could get clean for work etc. Honestly you'll make a huge difference to her and she really wouldn't have asked if there was any other way.

same neighbour needed an emergency migraine prescription from some random place at gone 11 one night and I was more than willing to put myself out.

It's nice to help if you can. Just be specific and say, between 6:30-8 is a no for kids blah blah. So can you be around no later than 6 (or whatever time suits you) b