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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let neighbour use my shower!

788 replies

NavyOrca · 07/11/2024 23:49

Next door neighbour messaged me earlier. Her shower has broken and she can’t get anyone to come out and fix it until the week after next. She asked if she could ‘pop in’ to use ours every other day.

I don’t want her to! I’ve got most of next week off work and plan to be at home a lot, doing not much at all, after a crazy busy time lately. I don’t want to worry about somebody coming to have a shower!

For context - I get on with her absolutely fine. We chat now and again and have walked our dogs together a few times in the past.. wouldn’t say we are especially close though.

AIBU to say no to this request? I know that she moved to the area for work and none of her family/friends are around here. So I might be her only option and I do feel bad about this.

OP posts:
SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 07/11/2024 23:54

It would be kind and neighbourly in the circumstances to let her pop in to shower, but do it on your terms. If you don't want to be disturbed first thing in the morning, offer her an evening slot in your bathroom at a specific time. No just wandering in when she feels ready. Or if the morning is less intrusive for you, tell her that you'll be off work next week and having much - needed lie-ins, but she can come in quietly at 8am and use the shower on certain days - here's a key. You needn't even see her.
You may need a favour from her one day. Good neighbours are worth their weight in gold.

Moveoverdarlin · 07/11/2024 23:55

Well you can say no, but let’s not hope you need a favour off her in the future. I imagine she’ll be pretty disappointed so don’t be surprised if your relationship is considerably more frosty in the future.

TMGM · 07/11/2024 23:55

Could you tell her something like it’s really bad timing as your hot water will be spotty as you’re doing a bit of work in your own home? Or unfortunately your own hot water isn’t working properly at the moment… Not very honest but it might help avoid bad feelings.

Tink3rbell30 · 07/11/2024 23:56

Don't be so selfish, it won't take long to shower and you can do it on your terms, give her a time that suits you etc. It doesn't sound like she has anyone else to help her out so not sure what you expect her to do.

QuestionableMouse · 07/11/2024 23:56

TMGM · 07/11/2024 23:55

Could you tell her something like it’s really bad timing as your hot water will be spotty as you’re doing a bit of work in your own home? Or unfortunately your own hot water isn’t working properly at the moment… Not very honest but it might help avoid bad feelings.

There's no way she won't clock that as a lie.

purpleme12 · 07/11/2024 23:56

Moveoverdarlin · 07/11/2024 23:55

Well you can say no, but let’s not hope you need a favour off her in the future. I imagine she’ll be pretty disappointed so don’t be surprised if your relationship is considerably more frosty in the future.

Edited

Exactly

Think about it you want to take that risk...

loropianalover · 07/11/2024 23:57

Yes I’d let her. I love being home alone and relaxing but wouldn’t deny someone a shower! It’s 15/20 mins, tell her times that suit you and pull her up if she goes over the date she said she was getting it fixed.

nwsw · 07/11/2024 23:57

This reply has been deleted

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Wellalright · 07/11/2024 23:59

Personally I find it amazing she has even asked to do this!
I'm afraid I find it really quite cheeky to ask this of a neighbour. And especially a neighbour who is just a casual acquaintance.
I think I would be telling her it isn't really convenient OP. And I wouldn't feel bad about it.

Happygogoat · 08/11/2024 00:00

Poor lady must be desperate. I would allow this. What goes around comes around! She must be stuck and it would be a real kindness of you.

But as a pp said; do it on your terms and offer her a slot. I’m sure she’ll be grateful and we never know when we’re gonna be hard on luck and need a favour.

Original poster
NavyOrca · 08/11/2024 00:00

I don’t mean to drip feed, sorry for this, but I want to ask that I would not hesitate to let a family member or close friend use it!

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 08/11/2024 00:00

Agree with others, say of course you can, but ask to agree on a time beforehand.

You never know what's round the corner and what help you might need.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 08/11/2024 00:01

Why do you need to 'worry' about it?

Just let her use it and be 'busy' when she comes so she knows to shower and go.

It doesn't cost much to be nice and you might need her help some time.

OneBlackHeart · 08/11/2024 00:02

Give her set times so it's not too disruptive for you. I think it's basic kindness.

If you don't want her too tell her it will be hard to deep clean the shower before every visit as you have a horrible case of something highly contagious. Fungal nails or athletes foot or something worse if you can think of it. (Someone used my shower and gave me vurrucas really pissed me off)

TheKitchenSink34 · 08/11/2024 00:02

If she's a nice person and isn't always asking you for favours, I don't see why you'd say no to this as a one off. You could just give her a time to come over and she'll surely be done in 15 minutes. Obviously you don't have to but you definitely can't ask her for any favours in the future if you need something. I'd imagine she's quite desperate if she's asked a neighbour, it seems a bit shitty to decline unless you don't like her?

TMGM · 08/11/2024 00:03

I don’t agree with a lot of comments saying that you should feel obliged to let her even if it’s something you don’t feel comfortable with, it’s your home and it doesn’t sound like you know her well outside of walking the dogs.

I do agree that she might be less willing to help you in the future if you say no, but I’m very private and wouldn’t personally want someone coming into my home to shower if I wasn’t particularly close with them so to me it would be worth the risk.

Ponderingwindow · 08/11/2024 00:03

she is in a tough spot and you can set ground rules to make it easier for you. It doesn’t need to be an open-ended invitation. You can ask her to come at a specific time, limit her shower length within reason (don’t make her take a navy shower), or whatever you need to be more comfortable.

I still think fondly of the neighbor who took pity on me and let me use her shower after my water heater exploded while I was at work and made a huge mess for me to clean up. By the time I was done I was filthy and desperate for a shower, but of course, I had no cold water because I had to turn it off while I waited for my awful landlord to send a plumber at her leisure.

butterflysandrobins · 08/11/2024 00:03

I'd say yes. OP it's 20 minutes at most every other day.
Help the woman out for goodness sake! She's probably hated having to ask bless her

Tink3rbell30 · 08/11/2024 00:04

NavyOrca · 08/11/2024 00:00

I don’t mean to drip feed, sorry for this, but I want to ask that I would not hesitate to let a family member or close friend use it!

And? She's obviously asked you as she thought you'd be kind enough to help. How is she meant to wash if she doesn't have any family or friends nearby? Help the lady out.

Bogginsthe3rd · 08/11/2024 00:05

I think you need to say that it's really bad timing this next week, as you really don't want to share your shower.

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 08/11/2024 00:07

One quick shower every other day is hardly disruptive or a big ask.

Why can't you just help her out?

ForGreyKoala · 08/11/2024 00:08

Wow, I can't believe how selfish some people are. It wouldn't occur to me to turn down a request from someone to use my shower.

Bogginsthe3rd · 08/11/2024 00:09

Could you compromise and flannel wash your neighbour every other morning , in the garden ?

JustinThyme · 08/11/2024 00:11

Just set a time that suits you - or inconveniences you the least - because the poor soul will be scuppered otherwise.

I find being a good neighbour brings benefits in the long run.

You never know when you might need help or a tolerant perspective on work you need doing.

purpleme12 · 08/11/2024 00:11

Bogginsthe3rd · 08/11/2024 00:09

Could you compromise and flannel wash your neighbour every other morning , in the garden ?

😂😂