to not let neighbour use my shower!

[NavyOrca]

Next door neighbour messaged me earlier. Her shower has broken and she can’t get anyone to come out and fix it until the week after next. She asked if she could ‘pop in’ to use ours every other day.

I don’t want her to! I’ve got most of next week off work and plan to be at home a lot, doing not much at all, after a crazy busy time lately. I don’t want to worry about somebody coming to have a shower!

For context - I get on with her absolutely fine. We chat now and again and have walked our dogs together a few times in the past.. wouldn’t say we are especially close though.

AIBU to say no to this request? I know that she moved to the area for work and none of her family/friends are around here. So I might be her only option and I do feel bad about this.

Our neighbours on both sides have used my shower when they had their bathrooms redone. When we had ours redone we used theirs, on alternate days. All at an agreed time.

When next door’s washing machine broke when their baby was a newborn, we did their laundry for them until they could arrange for a replacement, which was a matter of days.

Good neighbours are very hard to find. You can be a good neighbour and rarely your neighbours. Surely life is so much easier if we can help each other out on the odd occasion we need it?

Helping out implies offering. If OP had offered that's entirely different. But this woman asked. And that's cheek.

What rubbish. Helping doesn't imply offering: you can ask for help too.
At least you used to be able to in less selfish times.

Volunteering doesn't get you off the hook for nor not being a kind person the rest of the time.

Maybe a good week to have a terrible IBS flare up? You've never mentioned it before as you are terribly embarrassed about it.

Or, maybe your DH has a IBS flareup?

No way would I let a neighbour put their bare trotters in my shower...... verrucas, athletes foot, pubes in the plug hole- shudder!

If your shower breaks, you flannel wash, wet wipe or book a session at the swimming pool. Ask me how I know!

YABU. Let her have her shower. She wouldn’t have asked if she wasn’t stuck.

Curious to how you feel you know me “the rest of the time”?

This is so (f*ing) cheeky of her to ask, all the generous souls saying how unkind / uncharitable etc. you are 😅… I sincerely doubt that these people would gladly allow this imposition. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, I would (politely) say so. She can use the shower at a local gym or leisure centre, they are everywhere 🛀

I'd say yes, but not necessarily every other day. I think every other day will seem like too much at the end of two or three weeks. If I was in her shoes I'd have asked for a couple of times a week and made other arrangements elsewhere.

Make it at a time to suit you, OP, and feel good about being a kind neighbour. If your dog needs walking or looking after it sounds as if you'll have the solution on your doorstep.

I'm pretty old now and come from a time when we didn't have a bath or shower every day or two but strip washed with soap and a flannel at the bathroom sink and washed our hair with jugs of water in the bath. I don't know why she can't cope for a couple of weeks like this.

I don’t consider myself a particularly neighbourly person but even I would
be fine with this

Well I'm actually older generation.
And we were brought up to be fiercely independent .
And being independent means not imposing on other people.
This woman is imposing.

No, helping out doesn't involve offering! What a mad thing to think.

it's not cheeky to ASK. Another weird thing to think.

well, that's up to you what you would/wouldn't do. But it doesn't mean we all have to have such cold relationships with our families,friends & neighbours.

43 and I wouldn’t mind, have actually had this happen and in all my adult life I wouldn’t have minded either. My neighbours are 25 and 26, and in their 60s the other side.

Definitely not.
She can wash in the sink. I have done this before when our shower broke.
Also remember that our grandparents didn't have showers and somehow managed to wash themselves!

Do you think it's realistic that nobody can fix her shower for two weeks? Do you live on Mars? In a semi-detached house with no other neighbours nearby?

I can't imagine asking that of a neighbour, especially if we weren't particularly close. I'd phone more tradesmen to find someone available earlier and would make do in the meantime.

I think it is concluded from the fact that you are unwilling to help your neighbour.

I would never ask a neighbour this and I think I'd be baffled that she can't just wash without a shower, rather than putting someone else out. However I'd probably say yes. You might one day need a friendly neighbour who'll let you use her loo while yours is being refitted or something.

I would say yes without hesitation, as I'm that kind of person.
However, in her position, I would probably look at showering at a local sports centre or gym before asking a neighbour.

Well by asking for this favour the woman has put OP in a difficult situation hasn't she?
OP has been given the dilemma of letting the woman use the shower, which she really doesn't want to do. Or refusing and worrying about how that will look to the woman.
That's what asking does: it puts people on the spot.
It's cheek.

No, that's what you chose to do. It's not the only option!

Imposing 😂😂
Poor op for being imposed 😅

Does she still have hot water? You can get attachments that fit on your taps with a shower head? Not the old rubber version but a proper metal valve thing.
A tenner on Amazon.

I wouldn't dream of bothering my neighbour to ask!

Christ no of course it's not "cheek" to ask a neighbour a totally reasonable favour.

If you don't want to do it just say no snd let her draw her own conclusions about the sort of neighbour you are.

(I've done this twice when I've had work done on my bathroom. My area is a bit rough around the edges but not the Wild West. Wouldn't hesitate to return the favour).

I didn't say I did, you were the one asking about letting her shower at yours.

you were the one bigging up volunteering in your defence of being called mean. I was merely say you can volunteer in one situation and still be unkind in other situations.

To one side neighbour, absolutely, she probably wouldn't ask though, but I'd be fine with it. The other side no chance.